Initiation

The day after, we became officially friends on social media, I got a messenge from that stranger friend. I didn't dare to text him at first because I felt like I didn't have a courage to start a conversation with him. Actually I was ever that one who prefered to start any conversation at first. I was very much introvert type girl.

I lacked confidence while expressing myself, preferred to remain silent to supress my feelings and observe others rather than expressing all over the person. I was that kind of one who still suffered the most and also tried to look calm and cool headed all the time but inside even I couldn't explain what I was like.Obviously, I didn't get excited by his message but felt a little bit of happiness because someone had actually texted me a message and it was a guy, it's not like I disliked boys, just couldn't understand them and their mind. Texting him back, replying his hello by my hi after sometime. He immediately sent me another message asking my name and at that time everyone used to ask my real name because I usually didn't tell people my real name and my FB account name was also based on my nickname. So, everyone used to ask my name who didn't know me closely. He praised that my name Kayla was just like me,silent and secretive though we both didn't know the actual meaning of it. I didn't ask for his suggestion about my name which was perfectly only given or made for me by my parents.From my side, I also started asking about him too then. His name was Sayabang, an ordinary boy with overload cuteness who liked to flirt in every moment of his words and never used to be serious in any talks. Just joking everytime and using his words to change the atmosphere frequently. During our conversation, I noticed that he was just opposite of me, exactly the alternative form of me. I used to be serious all the time, preferring useful words, or not so cheerful person whereas he was like everytime using his words to try to make me laugh and cheered me, initiating the first conversation and talking much more than necessary things. When we shared more moments eachother on our text I got a chance to know him more nearly, the atmosphere started to become more and more interesting. I had never become friend or met someone who was so much open minded and wanted to become friend with me in just in our first conversation. In such a short period we had become friends and started to chat daily. He used to text me at first and I also started to like his company on the sharing all of my daily chitchat. My sister knew that I had become friend with him on social media and texted him daily. Knowing that she became very much happy and excited to know what would happen with us in future. She started to feel herself as a cupid who had just matched the unknown two persons as a couple.

But I still wasn't thinking him more than a good friend until that day. I had created the boundary between us which I hadn't been imagining of crossing over yet.

When my vacation was going to end, I went to my maternal house knowing that my sister was already there too. I didn't use to talk about Sayabang but when I did, she suddenly started to smile and tease me frequently calling his name in front of me. I still didn't get the point why did I turn red with shyness all that time when she used to mention his name?

We planned to spent a couple of weeks there until my exam came near. I was also a student who was preparing for a final exam then and wanted to spend more time on the text books rather than texting or thinking about him. But everytime when I used to open the chat box, I could see his message then continued the chat and I started to like sharing our time on our conversation on chat. I wasn't getting any idea when did I become like that?

He had already told me that during the day time he worked on a bar until the midnight so, only at his leisure time I used to get text from him which was just a short message those days. And we started texting less than before because of his works but in his every leisure time, he never missed a moment to text me back. Now, suddenly changes started to be shown or I was changing myself for someone else, I used to initiate our conversation those days because he felt triedness of waiting for his message just after his work which just used to be a good night message so, I had to make efforts to make him remembered frequently about me.

One day, he texted me telling that he was sick and having a high fever. Currently, he was at home taking a day off from his work so, I told him to visit the doctor immediately otherwise the fever might not go down or the condition would go worst. He went to the hospital, got blood tested and waited for the reports. When he came back from the hospital, he told me about his reports. His report was showing the Dengue positive which made me really worried about him at that time because I thought there was no one nearby who could take care of him properly except me. I wanted to be with him at that time, care him for his recovering of the illness and be with him when he needed someone.

Again I found myself, changing myself or I had already started acting about that stranger boy form yesterday who had just become a friend of mine on social media one month ago but within that short period of time I was influenced by his sweet words and behavior which made me habituated. I suggested him to take medicine daily properly and text me everytime if he was feeling ill or even on his good situation. Was it just a sympathy or an empathy or anything else? I didn't get at that time which was a totally different feelings for me I had ever felt for someone else before that. I had started to change myself unknowingly to be with that person but that was not the thing which I wanted. Might be I was overly worried or felt empathy towards him but hardly try to put in mind, "I just want to be a good friend of him, we are just friends nothing more than that, you got it Kayla" my words were trying to convince myself frequently in my mind.

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