Flame

Tomorrow morning I was returning to the city and after 1 week, I had to give my final exam. But those days, my mind wasn't concentrating and I wasn't living with a peaceful mind like wasn't completely ready to do any exam of my life.

Sayabang had also recoverd from his illness. Asking him daily from his morning to the night activities had become my habit then. I couldn't sleep without getting any messeng from him and woke up without messeging him. Those days, I didn't feel akwardness to start any conversation with him, was very much opened minded with him. Nearly I knew everything about that person within 3 weeks of our conversation.

On that day, he didn't message or text me the whole day. And when I did, he just left it seen and didn't even reply. My patience started to fall down and fingers continuously started to send him message frequently asking about him. I didn't get any reply though. Whole day my mood remained worst and seeing me in such a drastic mood, Annie came to me and gazed at my mood off faced for 10 seconds. She immediately lifted her phone and called someone in front of me saying him/her to remain online just for sometime.

But I didn't care her conversation thinking she wasn't interested in my mood at all.

Five minutes later, my mobile vibrated with tons of messages stating something like this, "I'm not ignoring you, just have some problems, sorry for making you worried". Then the beating of my hearts wasn't normal, it was pounding and pounding and jumping forgetting all those painful moments of the whole day. My burdened heart felt very much free to speak after his message. "What has happened? You can tell me if you are going through any troubles. I will hear you out so that you can share everything to me without any hesitation." I told him softly.

He said that he was just disturbed by his working hours so didn't want to talk to anyone about his problems. I wasn't so happy about his words. My expectations to those days were increasing day by day. How could Sayabang not notice that thing? Couldn't get that point. But happily I was accepting all his words thinking at least I got some of his attention words from him that day.

Then heart became calm and smooth enough for normal functioning now. Sayabang talked to me until midnight and after our good night message, we together left the chat box.

Next morning, as usual there was a morning message in my chat box and it was obviously from Sayabang. There was a different sense of excitement that day. Whole day was refreshed only by his message. At the evening, after finishing reading the text book, I was just scrolling the post, suddenly message box buzzed. " I have to tell you something" this was the message. Without any delay, I replied, "Yes, please tell. I was waiting for you to talk about anything at first." At that time my heart wasn't in right situation, the same thing had happened before too. During my exams, during my first encounter to strange people, during my exposure of weakness and most of the time during my nervousness, etc the same condition had occurred to me frequently or repeatedly but the shocking moment was that I was enjoying the beating of my heart at that that time, it was different that time because I rarely enjoyed such moments in my life. Beating of heart due to happiness and excitement and nervousness.

"I used to talk to a girl since 2 years but nowadays I am not getting any contact from her. I'm afraid something may have happened to her. So these days I don't want to talk to anyone because there is no one who can understand me in this situations and I can't share this to anyone. What should I do now? Kayla!!" Sayabang said and stop texting after that because no reply of his message was sent from me. I weaved different thoughts in my mind.

"What should I do now?" I asked myself with a paused finger to type.

"What am I supposed to tell him now?

How can I say him to ignore her and replace that place for me?" That was so selfish to ask. I had been texting him since 3 weeks and felt so much attached to him and talking about that girl, she had been contacting or attached to him since 2 years, how much pain had they been handling together trying to overcome their feelings for each other.

"Stop! Stop! huh what am I thinking? Where is me? Why is my mind thinking about that girl? How can I do it to myself? I shouldn't ignore myself too. What about me? What about those expectations that I have been dreaming about him? Should I give up on that person now? Is this it for us? "

The conflict went on inside me. Something really hurt badly inside me which couldn't be explained and my heart burdened with some strange emotions of something that was holding tightly to not let go that sensation or feelings. At some point, I didn't want to give up on that person coming that far because I had already felt the vibe that he was somehow connected to me whether it was just for the moment of time though. But for the sake of that girl I convinced myself to think about this again and tried to convince him saying, "Don't worry, she may have reasons to do that and you are together for 2 years so she will be back in few days, try contacting her repeatedly, if she truly loves you, she won't hurt you from any of her reasons, just believe and trust her this time." From my words he tried to be worried less and stayed calm for a few moments.

At last of our text he typed, " It isn't that you are thinking, there is nothing between us nowadays, we aren't in a relationship but since we have been contacting for 2 years so I'm a little bit worried about her because she hasn't texted me for several days. I am just afraid if something has happened to her." Huh I actually didn't get his words. What did that mean? Didn't get his intension of saying such things to me now. I had already made up my mind to give up on Sayabang then why was he again rising my hope again? Did he really just think what I was thinking in my mind about his relationship to that girl? I didn't get any word to say or type so, we ended our chat after I gave him some calming words to overcome his worriness.

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