Blood:Chapter01

♡Inner child♡

When i was young i was looking for adult's life i was jealous; i though they were free,fearless and more important happy.

I had alot of dreams and i couldn't wait to grow up so i can make'em all come true don't mind my pure thinking, i pictured life sweet as a chocolate river like a rain of candy, oh boy i was so wrong.

I wasn't my mother's favourite child i was the smartest amongst my siblings so all she cared about was my grades she was never satisfied but always wanted more i though by working hard she will love me but well i was naive let's just say my mother is another story that i will talk about in the future.

My childhood wasn't that nice no one liked me since i was little girl everyone thinks i was born with a golden spoon, you know what they say don't judge the book from it's cover i was too innocent to understand how life works but when i grow up i wish i could go back in time so i can play with my dolls and cuddle my giant teddy bear.

I'm minah the perfect girl in everyone's eyes the same girl who was abused by her closest people or let's just say family anf bullied by the neighbor's kids, i was too innocent to know what i have to do but try to make myself accepted .

 But then i realised i'm unwanted here and no one cares that innocence i valued more than anything started to slowly fade away every day i lose part of it and it replaced with piece of darkness.

The truth is i'm minah the girl who is silently suffering from depression, anxiety, panic attack... the girl that has no right to say no why because she is a girl (the low in a lot of countries).

I'm minah the lonely girl who is always afraid to be judged, the girl who wished she never existed.

I was invisible that no one noticed me my pain and the way my eyes' light turned off.

 I'm not naive nor innocent i lost it while building a strong version of me but it's something i really miss and hope i will get it back one day how? We all have someone inside of us we call "inner child "and i know mine is still there all i need is to motivate that precious baby to wake up,

That child inside of me inside of you and everyone, needs to be embraced no matter where life takes or what the unknown future hides for us he represents our purity it's one of the reasons we are alive and going through the life's hardships, a connection between childhood and adulthood, the part of us that helps us enjoy and take a break from the responsibilities we have, the real person we need to keep along with us and never let go.

My mistake is forgetting that he exists in a young age, the questions that need to be asked here how did i lost it? When? And what reason ? I spent years thinking about these questions well of course i won't find the answer in the books but it's just buried deep in my mind and i'm juat afraid to know it, when i was ready i found it, the answer is "an early maturity";

 So what's the an early maturity means? Is it good or bad? Maybe both? i wonder...

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