Before the first falling

The long moment was quickly interrupted by a deep tone in his voice.

“What do you wake me for?” Lydia was wanting to be truthful “You

know I really wish you didn’t leave I wanted us to be together

during the holiday.” He would rise from his slumber and with a

quickness pin her down. “I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t

feel well, I want you to remember one thing, Lydia, out of sight out of

mind for me.” She would feel like crying at the moment because

there was no time that she wasn’t thinking of him since they were

together. “What do you mean by that why are you telling me this?”

she would stutter out of her lips as she would grab at his arms when

he would slowly raise his hand to her neckline. “It is exactly

what it sounds like Lydia, how many men in the war did you think I

killed.” she would listen to his words and she would shake her

head. “I...I ...thought you said that you would always be there for

us.” He would begin to grab at her shoulders and let her loose

lightly. “What do you intend for me to say, with you I can forget

everything? No, it is but a fool's paradise, Lydia never forget that

Things done to you don’t ever go away they stay with you...Just

like this moment of time, It will always feel like two hours because

now you are awakening to realize things you didn't think possible

before.” she would shake her head in disbelief she felt like what

he said was that of something slither mouthed that felt veil and

crawled all over her body. “Life isn’t like that we have two

children it is full of love and we just celebrated...” He would

grab her and shake her “And do you understand how Tiered I am and

how much money it cost.” his voice aggravated and the plate of food

in her hand began to spill over as she would just take a deep breath

and be somber in tone. “I just wanted to tell you I wanted to be

with you all the time, so when big events and holidays that you aren't

here it affects all of us because we love you and want to be with

you.” talking about A’riza and Mariam and herself because they

were a family unit. “Nelsom, why do you do these things to me, I

don’t understand, you make me so happy..and then you suddenly

change. “That's because I died a long time ago and I am just tired

and I want everyone to leave me alone, I no want responsibility

anymore and I can't handle everything...I don’t care if you are all

here it means less to me. I will kill you before you have a chance to

make me work for the rest of my days so you know” It was like her

body remembered all those nights he told her he would kill her.

“Nelsom doesn’t worry I will accept what you are wanting I

apologize I will just take the time you graciously give me.”

it was like her heart and soul were shattered into a million pieces.

The days and weeks passed and she would be unable to clean and take

care of herself. The nights dragged out and she would one morning

with the two kids asleep making breakfast half asleep. She would

start the stove and she had not slept in three days, her mind unable

to turn off. It was like she was in a repeated cycle of despair

despite seeing her children as the only thing that gave her reprieve,

Holding them and taking care of them despite the mess that would be

around her. She got tired of picking up after Nelsom’s tossing

horrific anger tornado messes, but the food normally would give her

time to clean after he was full. The meat on the stove started to

burn as she would rushed to the stove after falling asleep, the eggs

she cooked earlier it was cold, and the toast was soft. She would hear

his feet and she would hurry and rush to meet him as normal. “Welcome

home Nelsom, I love you, I made you breakfast but it was a little

cold..” she would hand him the food and he would look around the

house and stare at her and touch the plate and it would crash beside

her ear. “Why is this place always a mess, what Is wrong with you,

you Fat lazy piece of ...” he would turn and look at all the things

and begin to hold his hands out at the fireplace where the electronic

mirrors would be. Suddenly he would punch her right in the eye. IT

took her breath away and she could tell things were utterly

different. Something came over her and it was like more than a beast

was present almost like utter darkness taking over her entire body.

Lydia could see Nelsom grabbing the Largest Electronic and aiming for

Miriam and Lydia grabbed both small children and the communicator.

“HE” S GOING TO KILL US!” calling for help and hiding in the

bathroom. “Where are you...I ...I am home, it’s my spouse, He

punched me and he tried to hurt our daughter.” her voice felt loud

and she could hear him bagging at the door with a knife. “I SWEAR I

AM GOING TO KILL YOU BOTH I AM TIRED OF EVERYTHING YOU CAN NEVER DO

ANYTHING RIGHT!” she would take and feel the banging of the door

vibrating on her back as she was calling for assistance. “Please he

has a knife. This isn't the first time, I am scared.” inside her

head all she could do is pray and live through the moment time

would seem too slow and it would feel like ten minutes was then hours.

“I Won’t be quiet no more! They are coming for you, I sear it,

You better run, because you are going to go to jail!” her voice

would stutter in its interloping of everything trying to escape from

her life at the moment. After all, she had gotten tired of feeling

everything and she had A’riza and Miriam to protect. She wasn't

going to go down that way. The authorities came and they would look

at the house and see her face red and swollen. They had heard his

tantrums and scream on the phone. She was embarrassed at the state of

everything and she felt buried. She called her family and it was a

grand moment in her life and she would begin to feel the weight of

her silenced mouth. There was a battle and she was in the mist with her

partner the other party, though the law had the call and photos it

was an easy battle for them to see but every time she was in the room

with him she would feel how his presence would take the life and

voice from her. It was months of back and forth before a judge who

would be responsible for his sentencing. He would tell the courts he

was insane from the war and that he was lost in his mind when he

would do those things to her. Momentarily insanity, she watched him

flip and it was something else that she would feel, But he wouldn’t

stop her from living she would become a nurses aid and take care

of the elderly and she had both the children now and would support

them, It was only a few months and something always came through,

she felt more alive, but now there was a darkness that crept at night

and kept her from a peaceful sleep. Sleeping about half the time

everyone else would. She moved back home and had a protection order

from him with the children. Many nights she would startle awake and

feel out of breath, she would pray and ask it to stop happening, it

would even make her sweat and night. Make her want to eat till she

would feel tired, and want to sleep at noon from the sleepless

nights. Working did keep most of the weight off, at night she would

talk to someone from the other side through her phone. She would have

told him everything and how she felt about everything. She didn't

understand others and even though she knew Nelsom scared her so she

would pray for him to get better. Even though Adrian left she wanted

him to be happy, A’riza and Miriam and her family were enough. She

was happy but still wanted to find someone to love her on the

side. The case and battle for kids was just about won. She received

full custody and received a lot of benefits to be stable.

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