chapter 5

Baz:

The next day starts much the same as the last did, with Simon whining about being hungry. I tease him, but it’s just for show. I have no problem with going out to find him some food, especially after his confession yesterday. I want to keep his thirst at a minimum, and I’m glad to put off teaching him how to hunt for himself.

I realize that I’m trying to keep him as peaceful and as human as possible for as long as possible.

The rats are staying away from the places they usually gather, probably because so many have been killed off in such a small period of time. It takes longer than usual, but I drain a few rats and catch and kill several to bring back to Simon.

When I get back to the tower, I stop outside the door. Something is wrong. The scent of blood is strong, even from out here.

I push the door open, rush in, and close it as quickly as possible, just in case anybody else happens to wander up and see what happened.

I wish I could say I was more surprised by the sight that awaits me. I wish I’d been wrong.

Simon is sitting on the floor, staring blankly at Bunce’s body. She’s lying next to him, blood soaking into her hair. Much more of it is around Simon’s mouth and staining his clothes.

I kneel down next to Penelope and check her pulse. It’s pointless. I already know I won’t find one; I can’t hear any heartbeat or breathing from her. Even if she survived the loss of blood, her injuries aren’t nice and neat and easily healed. For a moment, I regret not teaching Simon how to hunt properly, or how to make the least mess possible.

I can feel his eyes boring into my back. I take a deep breath and turn around slowly. He looks so scared: of himself, of me, of what’s happened.

I am, too.

I can’t abandon him, though.

I take another shaky breath and grab Simon’s hand. My thumb rubs over his knuckles automatically. “It’s okay,” I say, steadier than I feel. “We’ll take care of it.”

“It’s not okay,” he replies, eyes going distant again as he turns them back to Penelope. “It will never be okay.”

I can lie for him. I wish I could lie to him.

“I know.”Baz:

I buried Penelope myself, deep in the woods. I don’t know how I got by without being seen. I don’t know how I’ll hide it when they come looking for her.

That’s a lie. I know exactly what I’ll do. I’ll tell them I killed her. I’ve played the villain before. I don’t mind doing it again, as long as it keeps Simon safe.

I don’t think that’s something I’ll have to worry about for much longer.

He’s fading again, farther and farther out of my reach.

He spends his days staring out the window again, or at the spot on the floor that I’ve scrubbed, physically and magically, many more times than was probably necessary.

I’ve tried to talk to Simon, but he’s completely unresponsive. He doesn’t even shrug or look at me anymore. When I hold his hand, there’s no pressure returned.

He won’t eat, in any sense of the word. I had to drain the rats from that day myself eventually and throw out their corpses, just so they wouldn’t make the room smell. He’s starving himself, losing weight and going crazy from the lack of blood.

The only time I hear his voice is when he’s tossing and turning with nightmares. The only way to soothe him is to wake him up, and I think that just quiets and stills him. The nightmares are still in his head, slowly killing him, even when he’s awake.

He’s fading away again, and the worst part is that there’s nothing I can do to stop it this time.

I can’t save him from himself. Not when I’m barely holding myself together. Not when I’m the one who turned him into this to begin with.

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