chapter 4

Simon:

When the morning light hits my eyes, I groan and curl even closer to Baz, burying my face in his shoulder. “’m hungry,” I groan in annoyance.

Baz chuckles and runs a hand through my hair. “Let’s go to breakfast, then.”

“No, I’m hungry,” I repeat, nipping his neck for emphasis.

“Already?” He sounds surprised. I’ve gotten the feeling that my bloodlust is stronger and comes on faster than Baz’s, whether by nature or just because he’s had so much practice ignoring it. He pats my arm, repeating, “Let’s go, then.”

“Too tired,” I protest.

“You’re so spoiled,” Baz says, but he’s laughing. “Do you want breakfast in bed?”

I nod, but cling to him tighter. I’m not sure which I want more, blood or Baz.

“I can’t hunt unless you let me go.”

I spend a few more moments debating with myself, then lift my head from his shoulder and my arm from his chest. He kisses my forehead, then stands up, and I immediately roll into the warm spot he’s left behind.

“I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Mmkay. Thank you.” I hear the sounds of Baz shuffling around for a few minutes, and then the door closes and I start to drift off again. In just a few minutes, though, there’s a knock. I growl, but call out, “Just a minute!”

I roll out of bed and get dressed as quickly as possible, then let Penny in. Baz has been sitting with me lately, so his bed has been Penny’s seat whenever she comes. Today, she starts to sit down, notices the clothes littered on the floor around it, and quickly stands back up. She paces around for a moment and I sit back down. “What’s wrong, Penny?”

She hesitates. “Simon, you… you’d tell me, if anything was bothering you, right?”

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I?”

Penny sighs, shoulders dropping. “Baz isn’t here right now. You can talk to me. Doesn’t it scare you?”

“What?” I ask, “Being a vampire? I told you, it only bothers me if I think about it too much. I don’t regret asking him to Turn me, if that’s what you’re asking. Ebb and the Mage and my magic left a hole in me, Penny. I won’t lie. And somehow, all of this is helping to fill it.”

“Okay.” She nods a few times. “Okay, that’s… That’s good.”

Suddenly, the door opens. “Hello, Bunce,” Baz says. I’m surprised I didn’t hear him coming, until I realize that I was too focused on the sound of Penny’s heartbeat again.

Penny glances back and forth between the two of us and catches the door before it can close. “I’ll just be going, then. I’ll see you two later.” She shoots me one last confused look and leaves.

“What was that about?” Baz asks.

“I don’t know. I think she expects me to be doing worse than I am.”

He watches me for a minute, then asks, “What’s wrong?”

I once again consider lying, telling him that it’s nothing. Baz is the only person I can talk to about this, though. I focus my gaze on the wall over his shoulder, shrugging. “She’s scared of me. I’m scared of myself. I’m scared of my new obsession with her heart, and her blood.”

“She’s not scared of you. She’s worried for you.”

“How do you know?”

“If you’re so fascinated with her heartbeat, then you should already know.”

It takes a minute for Baz’s meaning to dawn on me. “It’s strong, but not fast. She isn’t scared or panicking.”

He nods. “Exactly. Penelope would trust you with her life. That hasn’t changed.”

“Maybe she shouldn’t,” I say. “It was even harder to control just now. I’m hungry and you weren’t here.”

My confession seems to remind Baz of the reason for his absence, and he hands over a handful of rats by their tails. I take them, immediately biting into one. “It takes time, but you’ll get used to it. We’ll keep you… sated, and after a while, it’ll be easier to resist.”

“But it won’t go away,” I conclude. When I notice the look in his eyes, I add, “Don’t lie.”

He sighs and sits down on the bed next to me. “No, it won’t. The temptation will always be there.”

I don’t want to think about this anymore. I certainly don’t want to talk about it anymore. I slide closer, placing my hand on Baz’s thigh. “Was I ever a…temptation to you?”

I know he sees right through me, but he plays along. “Always,” he answers, smirking. His hand covers mine. “In every sense of the word.”

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