Am I jealous?

I am still in my room writing some thoughts on my pink diary brought by jungkook. I always loved to write something. But when I ask about buying a diary, my family didn't allowed it. They even said that writing diary is a bad habit. But I know it's a good thing. When jungkook is away from me, I can write thing on my diary. On my 17th birthday, he brought this pink diary for me. He always granted some of my wishes. Sometimes I felt like he is my twin since we are always close like this.

When we studing in high school, I fall in love with the famous guy in the school. Yes! me and Jaxon. we are in relationship over 3 years and he broke my heart with another girl. Such an asshole....I mean, how...how can he cheat on me with my classmate??...I became dipressed over 5 years because of it. Now also I am facing that stupid thing. I am alone now. Jungkook is not here. He went to U.S.A since his father was there. After he come here, we will go for higher studies, I mean college in Seoul. Away from my family. Because of my grandmother, my dream became true. I am sure my family is against this. But my grandmother, who always stood by my side for my family things, made my dreams happens. Jungkook and my grandmother know each other since his grandmother and my grandmother are childhood friends.

Night 9'o clock

I am at the balcony attached to my room. looking at the stars. it's relaxing. I always loved night times. Don't know why. I felt that darkness can relax me like jungkook. But sometimes I afraid of darkness. I took my ear phone and placed it on my ear. I started to scroll through the phone for my favourite song. Ya....it's 'stay with me' by Chanyeol and Punch. it makes me to think about my sweet old memories with Jaxon. I really loved him. He did too. what happened then??.... Maybe he felt so boring. I am boring. but jungkook never felt boring around me neither anyone did except my family. Anyway I miss him. So much....The warmth of his hand, his hug all.... I want to experience it one more time. I don't know he miss me. there is no chance. He have another girlfriend. So there is no reason for him to think about a boring girlfriend. I want to move on. But something in my heart can't. I want to, but I can't. That's my situation. Jaxon always looked at me like I am his precious thing. He always holds my hand with all consideration. I felt like I am safer. He stood by my side. But now....I am alone. He is not with me over 5 years. ya....it's breaking my heart. If jungkook was with me, there is a chance for me to move on. I always felt safer around him too. Maybe......more than Jaxon. ya..it's for sure. because he is my best friend. I can talk freely around him and can share anything. I miss him too. his company.

When I was thinking about this all and talking myself in my heart, I got a Message. I opened it.

kooki: "I bet you are looking at Stars and

...thinking about that cheater and...

...sweet moments five years ago"....

I lightly smiled while looking at the message. He knows me well more than anyone. He never missed messeging and calling me.

me: "Oo my kooki already knows

everything. are you worried

about me? can't stand while

looking at the dipressed me?"

Kooki:"It's true kooki hates that type of Na bi.

chill baby....That's all your past. how

many times I have to say that?"

me: "I know....If you are here, maybe

I can overcome from this".

For some minutes.....NOTHING from him. I got a little confused. Oh damn...why in the world I typed that way?? did he misunderstood?? No way....I kept saying this "No way" myself until I got a new message from him.

kooki: "sorry...no range... anyway,

I also wish if I could stand by your side.

But you know our situations".

I felt a little relieved. He is such a good best friend. I wonder if he made another friends there. Maybe he did. It's a good thing. But I don't know....I am jealous sometimes. because I am his only friend. No.....his best friend. So I don't like when people gets too close to him like they was his best friend.

kooki: "Na bi.....I forgot to tell you about this.

I got new friends here. One girl and

one boy. They are twins. They are

friendly too. The girl is sometimes

like you...Lol....her name is Kim ha-na.

I bet you will gonna fall in love with her brother.

he is quite handsome. When I show your

pic, he says ' she is beautiful '. Maybe he

got a crush on you Lol....".

Me "Then what about you?...I bet

you already fall in love with her".

for a moment no message. Maybe his range already gone again. I waited for some times. he read it, but no message. What's that?...He never done this to me. Maybe the range problem.....hm...

No more thinking.....so I gone to the bed without taking the earphone in my ear.

******Morning******

I slowly opened my eyes by the sound of my mother's scolding voice. She is always cursing me in the morning. Damn....When I got up, I saw my mobile in the floor. God....don't tell it got damaged. I slowly tried to 'on' the switch. Ya!!!! thanks....god... Nothing happened except a little scratch on the screen. I can buy another screen today. Then I noticed his message. woow....he texted me.

kooki: "Guess".

what is this?...guess?? what's that means?? what we talked yesterday?? Unfortunately I cleared the chat since my phone was running out of storage. also, I am not good at recollecting memories. I didn't mind his that text.

me : "so, what are you gonna do today?

If I was with with you, you never

feel bored. Don't worry buddy...I will enjoy

here and you are alo.......ne".

He didn't saw my message. I got irritated. why is he didn't texting me??...

I got a notification. ya....it was from jungkook.

kooki:. "No no. I am enjoying here baby.

Ha-na is with me. So don't get yourself

proud. bye....I gotta go. She is waiting".

What's that? ha-na?? who is she to compare with me?

So that's why he is not texting me sometimes. Wait....Am I jealous?? No way....It's true I get jealous at any person who is close to jungkook. but not that type of jealous. it just a little angry type. But when he mentioned Kim ha-na, is that her name??....whatever, I felt some kind of jealous which I never felt like that way in the matter of jungkook.

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