My Incompetent feelings

March 05, Year 0103;

It has been quite a while since i met Ruri.  Well, honestly speaking, i was expecting  to meet up with her after that cringy yet kind claim of her saying she would try her best to put a expressive motive on my face. Well even though I say that, I was there at my house, laying on my sofa, watching Youtube with a load of snacks near my arm. Frankly speaking, this experience wasn't bad at all. I was having a really lazy time for myself, as I left early from university but the work was exhausting as always . 

After a while, I decided to have a short nap before I started cooking dinner. I started dozing off naturally like any tired person would do, but then i started reminiscing the nightmare I always had. It would be reasonable that I got used to this nightmare, and i was....... for a while. I was traversing - or rather being pulled - into the seamless void which looked like an interface that looked like it was straight out from the Matrix*[A famous Sci-Fi movie.....highly recommend it if you haven't watched it yet:) ] .

It wasn't my first time into the portal like thing, so i was not really that scared compared to my previous encounters. But then my senses started to ponder, the feeling that i felt, everytime i was in this nightmare, was rather different to what I was feeling at that moment. It felt.......stronger and  had a different vibe to it overall. For a moment, I could visualize the presence of Ruri, that was slowly fading away, in a rather horrifying manner, it felt like the I was losing her, and I couldn't just be there and take it, I was quite.......scared of what was happening, it wasn't ordinary( compared to my past experiences ) , i was hugely insecure at that moment, as Ruri was there slowly diffusing like a polygon model getting destructured into a cluster of pixels.

IT WAS A PAINFUL EXPERIENCE TO FEEL AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

As I soon woke up in huge alert, completely out of breath, looking just like a person who straight out woke up from a really bad nightmare, and let me tell you.......it was REALLY HORRIFYING INDEED. 

Soon after , I received a text message from Ruri asking me to meet up at the Uni Entrance Gate the day after ,  saying that it was going to be a surprise  when I asked about it. Well i wasn't really in a state to stay calm at that moment so I just went with the flow and agreed with her conditions. But as for myself , I just wasn't able to have a peaceful sleep time after what happened.

Despite what happened and what i was abundantly feeling , there was also a part of me that was glad that it wasn't real, that I didn't lose her. This also made me question my feelings towards Ruri. I didn't exactly know how to define those feelings. That heart-throbbing feeling of losing her, that I didn't want to experience ever again if possible . 

With these feelings of conflict,  I was able to get one interpretation out of it . It didn't mean that i had to label her with something irrelevant or inappropriate - to her -  in this relationship. Although it was that she was extremely special to me. Someone who I wouldn't mind spending my entire time, who  makes me feel something I have never felt. Maybe she was the reason why I felt so pleasant lately, her company always gave me a feeling of comfort that as a guy who never had any parents and friends would never have had if not for her. 

I couldn't really say what she meant to me.All i could say that she was special-that's it.  Someone i would care for, who I would protect and stay by their side if I had the chance to. It was a really conflicting piece of thought that wouldn't leave my consciousness. It was just that I owed her a lot, as she had been helping me fix my feelings even before I asked for it.

And with that, I gave in an all-nighter  who was having his dinner with the clock past midnight, giving an end to this obnoxious phase I was going through.

TO BE CONTINUED.................................

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