The step of love in my life - part2

It was my biggest mistake that I did not tell her the reality. Though I was getting

the care and love of a girl, which I had never ever experienced in my life, but sometimes I

felt that I was playing with her feelings. A thought was also there in my mind that true

love never cares about anything or it does not have any condition.

Sometimes I used to ask myself whether it is possible for a person to love another

without even seeing her or him. Is this the love? Love with the voice only. But whatever I

felt for her cannot be explained in words, then what was it? No one has defined love.

Love is not the terminology but a feeling for someone, for whom you care.

So I was experiencing new excitement in my life, we used to talk once during the

day time and once at night, after dinner.

I got selected in one of the competitive examination for the entry in a post

graduation course.

I called her “hi dear, I got selected in competitive exam for PG course”

She replied “congrats, I have full faith in your abilities”

But she said in a sad mood “now as you are going out of city, will you forget

me?”

I replied “No dear. How could I forget my dearest friend and it is because of you

that I passed the examination”

It seems strange that I gave the whole credit and not my family who were the main

contributors. But love is a strange thing and I was also expressing my selfish nature. So a

strong bond of friendship was getting formed between both of us. However there was an

insecurity in my mind that whenever she comes to know the reality about me then what

would happen to this so called love. Though we had feelings for each other but we had

never ever expressed that. Feelings are to be expressed by deeds but not by words.

My attitude changed for my family also. Now, I was more polite, started caring

for my family, my mother. These changes were there in me because of that girl and it is

truly said that “Behind every successful man there is a woman and behind every

unsuccessful man also, there is a woman”. May be I am getting too harsh for women,

blaming them for everything.

One incident which made me realize that it is impossible for me to live without

her was that she was going to Bangalore for a training session of 7 days.She called and said “you know I am going to Bangalore for a training session of

seven days”.

I replied in a low tone “good”.

She asked “why you seem to be low?”

I said, „nothing”

She insisted then I said, “You will forget me and will find new friends there”

She replied “I will not ever talk to you, good bye once and for all”

I asked , “What happened dear? I am sorry if I hurt you, please never do this to

me, I am sorry”.

She kept mum for few minutes. I was feeling as if someone had taken my heart out of my

body. Then after the pause she spoke and I felt new energy in my body. These few

minutes seemed so long. I astonished, what was happening to me and my emotions.

She replied “Ok, that‟s fine but don‟t ever think so as I am your friend and will

remain forever”.

I had a sigh of relief and I wondered that whatever is happening to me is good or bad, but

it seemed a very beautiful thing without worrying about the consequences.

While leaving for Bangalore she gave me a call from the airport. Her mother and a friend

were accompanying her to see off her.

She called and said, “Hello, how are you?”

I replied, “Good. What about you?”

She said, “I am leaving for Bangalore”

I replied, “Good luck for your journey, take care of yourself.”

She gave a beautiful laugh and said, “You are saying the same thing which my

mother said few minutes ago”

I said, “I care for you like your mother”.

She replied with a sigh “I know”

Then her mother came and she put the call on hold and had a word with her mother. After

a pause she murmured, “Don‟t cut the call, I want to talk to you till I board the plane”She seemed low and said with tears in her eyes, “I am missing my father very

much, if he would have been in this world, he would have been very happy for

me.”

I said, “Don‟t worry dear. His blessings would always be with you. I would

always remain with you and give you strength”.

She said, “Let‟s see, what happens. God has never been kind to me, and this time

it should not be repeated, I pray to God. Ok, take care of yourself. I will try to call

you whenever I get time. I am about to board the plane, if something happens to

plane or me then you can remember me with these words, good bye” and cut the

call.

I was in tears and was unable to stop. I didn‟t know what had happened to me that day; I

keep on weeping without any reason. I was feeling so much emotional.

Sonia lost her father few years back because of illness; she was the youngest of

three sisters and loved by her father most. After her father‟s death she missed him very

much but never expressed this thing to anybody except me. This again showed that she

also loved me as a special friend.

She had to reach Bangalore via Delhi. On reaching Delhi she called me, “Hi, how

are you? I am in Delhi airport waiting for the flight to take off for Bangalore.”

I replied, “Good, take care of yourself and take something to eat”

She said, “Don‟t worry, I will take care”

I said, “I don‟t know what has happened to me today, I am in tears without any

reason.”

She sighed and replied, “Don‟t worry. I am fine and safe here and good bye for

now as I have to call my mother, bye, take care”.

I wondered if she knows the reason which I am unable to understand. Then she cut the

call. I wanted to understand what she said but how could I understand other person‟s

feelings.

That night there was no electricity due to rainy and stormy weather so I was in

bed at 10‟o clock. Now, I was very happy after talking to Sonia. I used to keep my

mobile phone in cupboard. At around 11, I heard my mobile ringing but as I was sharing the room with rest of my family, I could not gather courage to take the call. It rang for

seven or eight times. I was sure it was Sonia. That night I was unable to sleep and was

feeling sorry for her. She needed me and I was not available at that moment.

Next day, I woke up early in morning and saw my mobile phone. There were

eight missed calls, by three different numbers but surely it was not the number of my

state. So I concluded that these were her calls from Bangalore. I waited eagerly for her

call that day. The phone bell rang nearly at 2pm; it was her call as expected.

She asked, “Where were you yesterday night? Do you know I called you from

three numbers as I was feeling scared and lonely here, where were you? ”

I got emotional and replied, “Dear, I am so very sorry for that, I also had a

sleepless night. It was difficult for me to take the call as my whole family was

with me at that time. But I am feeling guilty that you needed me at that time and I

was not available, I really care for you”.

She said, “It‟s ok, I will talk to you at night, I have a class now and have to talk to

mother also, take care, bye”.

I replied satisfactorily “Bye, you too take care of yourself” and she cut the call.

At night she called me at 10:30 from the hotel room. That night I was ready to share with

her something which I had never before.

She said, “Hi how are you dear?”

I replied “Good and what about you? Have you taken your dinner?”

She said, “Yeah and you?”

I replied “You forget me, first take care of yourself, I am at home and you are

away”

She said, “Ok, ok, I am not a child, I am grown up”

She said these words in such a childish way that it touched my heart. Then we talked

about her work and all. Suddenly she asked me something which stunned me and I took a

pause for sometime.

She asked, “You are talking to me now, but if I get married then with whom you

will talk?” I got stunned with these words and replied in low tone “I don‟t know”

I was in a deep thought and then she again asked, “Tell me, will you find someone

else like me?”

I replied in anger, “Shut up, I don‟t know”

Then after a brief pause I continued “I want to share something with you”

She asked “what?”

I said “I think, I have something in my mind for you, and I mean it”

She sighed and replied “You think so but not sure”

I said, “No, I am sure, I have feelings for you.”

She kept quite for sometime and then replied, “But I am not sure. God has taken

all those things away from me which I loved. I lost my father whom I loved the

most and if I say yes to you and unfortunately something adverse happens then I

will not be able to bear it, I will certainly die”

I said “I will not forget you ever, trust me”

She replied, “You take your own time and try to understand what you have said

today, If something happens to our relationship then I will not be able forgive

myself for the rest of my life. I do not understand why God is so kind to me this

time; he has taken all my beloved ones away from me. I don‟t trust my destiny

now. You also said that you think you have feelings for me but not sure. First you

make sure that you mean whatever you have said. Try to give a thought to what I

said. Bye, take care”

She cut the call and I was silent for sometime thinking what she said. That night was

again sleepless for me. I kept on thinking about her words and her fear of losing the

things she loved. Certainly, she was not rejecting my feelings for her but she wanted to

warn me about any adverse consequences. But in the back of my mind a thought was

there that how could I propose a girl, express my feelings for her without telling her the

reality about my health condition.

It was very unfair on my part as I was thinking only about my feelings and was

playing with her feelings. She had every right to know about me. I was in great dilemma,

whether to tell her the truth or not, but was of course afraid of losing her because she would not have accepted me on knowing the reality. For the first time I was getting the

romantic love of a girl and didn‟t want to lose that, so I decided not to tell the reality of

my health to her. Though there was guilt at the small corner of my heart yet my

selfishness overpowered my guilt.

Till now we had not seen each other, it seems strange but that‟s true. This

beautiful story makes this saying incorrect “love moves from eyes to heart”. But in my

case love started from heart and then move to eyes”. To love someone is a wonderful

feeling and persons who have never been in love in life have missed this beautiful

experience. Love cannot be explained in words, it‟s only a feeling. I do not find the

words to describe it.

Now let‟s get back to my life. Next day was not like other days for me, I was

thinking about my conversation with Sonia last night. I was also feeling insecure whether

Sonia would call me today or not. But finally she called me at 11pm at and asked, “Hi,

how are you dear?”

I replied “I am all right; you tell, have you taken your meals?”

She said “Don‟t worry, I am taking care of myself well”

I said, “Forget whatever I told you yesterday, it was my feeling. I am so sorry if I

hurt you with that conversation”

She took a long breathe and said “Don‟t be sorry, you told about your feelings and

whatever I feel I told you”

Then with a good bye she cut the call. I was feeling as if she was trying to say something

but not able to express that thing. Feelings are to be felt but not expressed. How could I

know what was there in her mind unless she expressed. Next day I learnt about one of

her qualities which every traditional Indian girl must have.

She called me at 11pm and asked, “How are you dear?”

I replied “Fine dear, so how was the day?”

She said “forget about that, I want to tell you something”

I asked “what?” She replied “Last night one of the girls was out of hotel for the whole night to be

with her boyfriend”.

I said “Then what? It is her life. Why you are worried about these things?”

She replied “I am not worried but this is not right before marriage and why are

you supporting the girl who is doing wrong. I think you are also like her. You

may also have relations before marriage, that‟s why you are saying so”.

I said “I am not supporting but let her do what she wants to”

She asked angrily, “How many girlfriends you have?”

I replied “None but I may have one very shortly”

She understood what I wanted to say and said after a brief pause, “I have to go to

sleep now, take care, bye”.

It made me understand that she was like other traditional Indian women and she

valued the Indian culture. But I was amazed why she was asking about my relationships.

Perhaps she was getting possessive for me. Next day she had to come back to Jammu so

I was eagerly waiting for her call. At 3pm I got a missed call from her but when I called

back the number was not reachable. I was surprised.

She called me at 3:15pm from airport and said “Hi, I have reached safely in

Jammu dear, I am back home”.

I replied, “Good to hear that but why did you gave a miss call me at 3pm?”.

She said “No dear! how could I? I was in plane at that time.”

I again asked her “No dear, check your call registry”.

She checked it and got surprised on seeing that there was a call from her mobile to mine

at 3pm.

She said, “How it could be possible dear as I have not called, but call registry

shows that call was done, how it could be!”

I replied “May be God wants me to be the first person with whom you talk on

reaching Jammu”.

She replied with a long breathe, “I don‟t know what God wants but he is not so

generous to me ever then why this time” and said “good bye, talk to you at night,

take care”.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***