My First Goodbye

People say, every goodbyes lead to a new beginning. When you said your first goodbye, you felt lonely and sad for leaving. Then you felt excited at the same time, for your new beginning. A new place, new bed, new life and new adventure.

I said my first goodbye at the age of Fourteen.

The age where we began making our most memorable memories and friends. The best time of our life, where endless possibilities awaits. Where hopes are at our highest, young and fearless.

Recalling,

That wasn't my first goodbye. I was forced to learn being independent, when I was 10. The age where your not a little girl; not a big one. But come to think about it, 10 is actually still a little girl. I left home at the age of 10 not willingly but a matter of factly, because riots broke out in the country I was living in. For safety measures, my dad who was on his way back from a business trip and envision the brutality or the riot. Being in the middle of it and managed to flee his way back to our hometown. Made him fear.

He described cars burning in front and behind. Houses were robbed and burned. Even our warehouse were robbed, our employees said there wasn't even a piece of paper left behind. Girls dragged out and raped, perhaps a brutality and sight I don't ever see. Even description is subtle to understand how my dad felt and the terror it leaves in him. Because even I, until today. Cannot really comprehend how he felt.

All in all, in regard to this event, I was only told by my mother much later that "we thought we will never see your dad again". That was when I made a belief that perhaps I will never understand his decision of sending me away to safety as soon as he was back home. And that was when everything started. My continual journey to never stopping goodbyes.

My driver picked me up from school and the next day, I had to leave the country. I don't know what was going on, all I could remember was me packing up some clothes and the next day, I was on a SIA aircraft heading to my mother's birth country. I had no idea that the trip is a non return flight to my journey. I did not even take a single toy with me. So know how clueless of me of the situation back then when a 10 year old did not bring a toy or teddy bear for a trip. Honestly, I don't even remember what I packed in my luggage. Perhaps nothing.

So that night, my friend called and asked why I left school early. And casually I told her I am not quite sure but I will be leaving the country tomorrow. That point, we were so innocent to believe that - that were just it. Without realizing if we might not meet again. Back then, mobile phones are not like today.

So there I experienced my first goodbye at 10. Just a phone call to my then very good friend at school who could possibly turned out to be my best childhood friend. We were still children, to really understand the real significant of a friend.

Following my farewell, will I welcome my new world and embrace them? Was I able to totally understand love and accept such was an act of love and protection? What if the words that echoes within my childlike mind was the unfairness of it all?

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