Part 4

Banana Bureau Bonanza

Kind of Like VeggieTales, But with More 80-ocracy—Because People Are Like Vegetables: They Don’t Want to Think, and the Vegetarians Are About to Turn Us All Carnivore

Special thanks and side-eye to VeggieTales for paving the way.

Learn more about the original at: www.veggietales.com

www.bananabureaubonanza.com

Episode: “Fruit Loops, Conspiracy Soup, and the CEO of Common Sense”

BBB (Host, shaking a cereal box at the camera):

“Wake up, fruit salad! Tonight we’re slinging cereal, conspiracy, and a little thing called… common sense. Our episode: when the craziest ingredient isn’t what’s in your bowl—it’s what’s in your brain!”

Felicia the Fork’s Entrance Ditty (for Episode 4: Fruit Loops & Loonies)

🎶

They say you are what you eat, but that can’t be true—

Or half this room would be paste and the other half, glue.

From kooky conspiracies to breakfast table fights,

We’re serving up spoons and reality bites!

🎶

Felicia the Fork (tapping her head, grinning):

“You say the world’s gone bananas? Please. Most people are just soggy cereal waiting for someone to stir the pot. Forget videos about lizard people running the banks—have you tried getting a human to return a shopping cart? That’s the real Illuminati right there.”

Dealer Dijon:

“Everyone loves a secret society—until you ask them to read the by-laws. Is it just me, or do the loudest voices against the ‘evil corporation’ still have nineteen Amazon boxes on the porch and a Prime Now order in transit?”

Judge Jalapeño Judy:

“Oh, so you think vaccines are microchips, but you swallow tap water that’s been through five cities and a flamingo sanctuary? Honey, if the government wanted to control you, they’d just put directions on the back of a Pop-Tart.”

Criminal Mustard:

“Conspiracy theory time: the real reason the cereal box is only half full? It’s not shrinkflation—it’s so your hopes and dreams fit, too! You want a plot twist? Your spoon’s been upside down this whole time.”

Parole Pepper Benson:

“Your neighbor builds a bunker and stocks up on canned beets, but panics when WiFi goes out for ten minutes. Face it: survival of the fittest has been replaced by survival of the whiniest.”

Colonel Mustard:

“And if you wonder why Fruit Loops are spelled with two O’s—think of it as the infinity symbol of breakfast disappointment and recycled plotlines. It never ends, people!”

Felicia the Fork (brandishing a cereal spoon):

“You want the secret to life? It’s not in a podcast, it’s not in a TikTok. It’s literally printed on the side of the box: ‘Eat, enjoy, repeat.’ And if you can’t handle that level of common sense, you might be part of the conspiracy yourself.”

BBB (Host, closing):

“So here’s the deal, fruit salad—don’t let the nuts run the bowl. Whether you’re a conspiracy theorist, a skeptic, or just someone who can’t find their keys (check the fridge), remember: breakfast is the most important meal for a brain that actually works. Stir, don’t shake. And put the cereal back in the pantry. Episode over!”

www.veggietales.com

www.bananabureaubonanza.com

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