just more my ranting

currently while I am writing it's 3 am I feel sleepy but can't , around two days ago I got reminded something which I have not typed here yet so u won't understand lol,i still have not cried i have pain in my chest and ribs and i cough blood, ig I am sick and all right now just lot of coughing nothing serious.....

Where were we? Oh yeah sooo that person my saviour committed suicide.

His mother was actually a teacher at the school, from what I remember she was walking from the library to receive a call from a certain someone informing her on the call that her son had committed suicide, she sint belived her..How could she? Her son had committed suicide, she argued that her son told her that he is sick and won't be attending school as well as this was also a oportunity for him to study for upcoming test,wo how could he commit sucide,, she was broken and crying, the person on the call told her that her son was hanging from the ceiling fan.

She collapsed on the floor there and then, and you all may wonder how ik all of this, right it funny cuz she was talking right in front of me, i was kicked out of library as a punishment that day and at the same time she was talking on the phone.

When I heard the news, I didn't understand what had occurred I ran. Towards our meeting place there I found a key but not him, the day before he had kept his locker key there for me to pick up, when I picked it up it had a keychain reading - ~12~ -i rushed to sports room opened his locker and I saw a note and a small box

The note read as--

umm soo I am sorry lol, my bad ig , you know nishant life is not in anyone's favour but you know people and time can be. although for me they were all against me so I found a option a oprutinty and I took it, but I made a resolution though....if i want to die i would have to make a change and i have to save some one before I quite, and i did it i achieved me dream nishant you helped me thank you, i also know I am being extremely selfish saying this but for the last time do me a favour please live on and don't just exist love, live every moment I don't need to be happy or have ur existant know all you u need to do I live, live the moment live the time, feel those emotions understand them and live again live , umm again sorry dude as a parting gift here is a present for me

the box had a picture and another box in it, the picture was of the farm right next to our school, it was owned by some govt person and no one went there so it was nothing but a abandoned land which no one used, and we were taken there often, back of the pic was writen a part of me lies here, and in that box lied anti dipresents

those pills haloed me alot it helped me grow up and all and become a lil confident and lil idgaf atitude as well, in in fifth there was this Hindi teacher who body shamed me so I got him kicked out of school and I changed the school as well, as I recall I don't left with bad terms it was all nice and all no grudges i never said good bye though.

Coming to date , i visit that place in picture quite often (whenever I feel like quiting) and especially on my birthday I bring a small pastry with me there and place it thereand I talk with the air for hours it quite refreshing for me

About my old school frnds I got in touch with a couple of them due to joining coaching , they still remeber me but don't tell me why and how.

Anyways the real stuff begins from the next chapter because like my life is litrally diff from now on

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