continuation

Yeah so after I was discharged for some reason my father left his old business and went on to run a new one of some computers or classes and abacus if ykyk, which as I was growing was shut as well, and while this all was going on I grew up a lot in size and age , i was fat as f*ck and this was enough of reason for my life to be hell.

I was fat and i am fat and it's genetics, when I was in kinder garden everyone used to bully me but I used to take it lightly and used to have fun, had some frnds but I was still teased a lot, and even teachers used to some what tease me , i was nicknamed golu (round and fat).

For them all it was cute but for me it was not, i felt teased hurt and excluded and felt even those elders made fun of me and had lot of self doubts and my self esteem was shoe bottom but still I was a kid and even if they all called me golu and was teased me they loved me as well so I felt loved at school, I was still bullied and i was called names, i still dint stoped and continued with everyday.

This was the story of school. While at home it was different, i had two elder sisters and and an elder brother as siblings (my mother's sister is married to my father's brother they had two children one male elder and one female). My one elder sister and brother were same age (sister was from my mother and father) and my another elder sister (2 year older) was from my aunt. my aunt and her family lived litrally door to door ( it was flat system and our flats side by side on same floor). they all were mostly invested in each other and our parents treated us children as their owns.

My used to shout at me or best me for random reasons and silly reasons instead of being told wts right or wrong typical Indian family ig

This was all some back ground and my real ranting starts from now

Ok being fat i was excluded and was bullied a lot by lot of my fellow classmates, so I was more of an introvert.

In kindergarten all we do is learn some basics and enhance our learning abilities but I hated the remembering part, for me it was all just useless stuff which is why I had lot of difficulties remembering poems and all. Once we were given homework to remember around 24 lines and for me as a kid it was imposible but my mother wished for me to be perfect and excellent so she used force to make me remeber by trauma (os it dint worked) so she got so angry and fed up with my failure to remember shit, she torn the pages of poem into prices and threw the peices along with my book outside of the window while it rained outside (we lived on 1 floor). I was allready crying due to getting hit by my mother and being scolded by her , and this act of her made me scared of her , i shifted my pants and cried a lot. After 20 min she realized wt she had done and she did her best to make up for it she took me downstairs got the book and she and I together found those pieces of page of poem together, it didn't worked out it was allready out of use. All Pieces were wet due to rain and were unable to be sticked together, she tried to console me by giving me food but the deed was done i was traumatized and scared and hurt, ik it was my mistake but still I felt bad and i blamed myself for being a idiot.

I still not got how to learn it but it all went along and I still passed my k.g.

life at house was similar, get scolded and beaten often for litrally anything

my father and his brother had some fights and all

and life moved everything the same until I went to middle school 1 grade.....

I went to same school as my siblings but for me all this was new, but I went along new school new class and new stuff.

Now my father opened new business without getting my uncle involved this time, let me tell u worst decision, this new shop and business only made us little money at start and now it makes us almost no money it's the reality , my sister colage fee was paid not by father's business but rather by selling gold made along the way

I guess it's all getting long and boring but I don't wt to do there is lot i wanna say, in this new school I was bullied, beaten in groups and everyone avoided me no one liked me only reason for this was, i was fat ig.

Second grade made 1 friend named sanskara (real name), i was not included to play games by others soche don't played with them as well we made our own games , he was so funny and was so cool for me i loved him a lot and i considered him my bestfriend, when other kids had nothing to do they used to approach us so that they could play with us and get them self entertained and have fun, when this used to happen I used to feel so good...

But as they everything has an end so this thing as well, my bsf was now starting to get included in their games foot ball and and games and now I was left alone..

I used to collect stones during sports and play by myself or just do random stuff...

I was left alone again and i don't balme him, why would one stay behind for other, but he proved me wrong he came back and now I was all happy again have fun and don't care about anything else but life prove itself..

In 3 grade i was tagged as their for no reason , and even my bsf told me he hated theifs and dint wanted to stay with a faty like me... I rember crying my heart this day, i can't still forget this...

But it's funny if there is and there is good as well, 4 grade nothing changed still a theif no frnds ( i had a few but like for name) i used to sit on those terrace stairs where no one used to come anf I used to stay there for whole free lecture and pe which wer eliek 45min, one day randomly this one senior of me (from 8 grade) came upto me and talked to me

I felt different like he actually cared about me , my appearance dint mattered but I "me" mattered he talked to me he was my friends he gave my life lessons and how to behave and how to live and how to remain alive how to survive and everything ik, if he had not been there I would have jumped from the terace of our school (preaty high like u would die no chances of surving).

Due to him I was alive again playfull and talked with other as wt he taught me and now my life was a little batter and little more beutifull and I befrnd my old bsf again, I cleared my image of theif somehow due to him, i told him everything in my life everything and he came to a point he asked me am i okay now , i replyed with yes and it's all thanks to him

Ig I should, not have said that because in next couple days he suicided....

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