INTRO

"GO AWAY , JUST DIE"

"YOU'RE A GHOST!!"

"YOU'RE SCARY"

"WHY DO YOU EVEN LIVE?"

"LEAVE US"

These words.............

I've been pretty used to it since I was child ,

everybody was scared of me, constantly being cursed and being called unfortunate,

these became nightmares to me but eventually now I'm pretty used to it since the last time I had a nightmare was two years ago

I'm Amanda ,I was a normal child before but things got worse when I was abused by my own father which serially lead me into a mental disorder ,DID or multiple identify disorder

I have four people living inside me. Well that would answer your questions to why I'm insulted . It's like being possessed ... sometimes I'm a different person and sometimes I'm someone else .My parents abandoned me because they were so-called "scared of me" and my mom never knew about the deeds her "husband"did to me .They left me in an orphanage and everybody loved me....duh, kidding....they were freaking scared of me ,they kept their distance and made me more lonely,so I would like to thank them for their great support (note that sarcasm), I started going to school and if you're wondering where I got the money from ? I work my butt off with four part time jobs everyday because I don't want to live on that hell anymore so I collected money but it wasn't easy ,I was always accused, they made fun of me, made false assumption,they rumoured false things and I have been kicked from 34 jobs . I never had friends...the one who supports you and be there with you ...the one you make fun of but still love and care ,the one who stands with you ....at first I was very troubled which made me have nightmares, I kept remembering stuffs , being sextually abused , being cursed, being humiliated, being insecure , being insulted, people being scared of me , pushing me away ,rumouring false things, laughing at me, hating me,my own parents abandoning me , sometimes I thought I should give up,the half of me wanted to die ,to make me erase all the pain away but I listened to the other half ..the one who wanted to stay strong,the one who wanted to continue living and the one who wanted to love myself...I started loving myself day by day,I wanted to life for myself and the voices inside me consulted me ,told me that they are always here so I started believing them and listened to them since they were the only ones left and keeps me sane right now. since I collected some money ,I left the orphanage and I already looked for an apartment.I just hope everything works out and I'll be joining a university from tomorrow which means I need to stay away from everyone ,just get myself a last bench and keep my mouth shut

#lonely life

And I need to mentally prepare myself because I'm getting lots and lots of hate tomorrow.I just hope I don't get noticed by anyone 😔😔

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