4

But I still want it....

Why is it so hard?

I want it....

I want to die.

I just want to stop.

To stop everything.

To stop living.

I can't....

Everything hurts. Too much to handle...

I wish it would just stop.

Stop everything. Just leave me alone.

I should never have been born...

Nothing more than a mistake.

I wish everything was dark.

I wish I could fade away into nothing.

Then I could stop thinking, feeling and existing.

I want to just disappear and end everything. But I know that won' t ever happen.

Even if i die here,

at least my soul is with someone else.

Like my mom used to say.

She'd always say that she would never leave me because she knew how much I needed her,

she knew how scared I was all the time because I didn't want anyone to leave me.

She would tell me that she would never leave me because she loved me so much,

that even though she couldn't protect me from everything,

she could make me smile again and make me laugh.

If only it was that easy.....

But sadly, that's not how it works.

And the tears fall down my face again, soaking the ground underneath me.

It's raining today....the rain is falling,

drowning the earth.

I wish the rain was falling harder than usual,

so it could drown out all the thoughts and emotions swirling through me.

So it could erase the pain I felt.

The pain that I've lived with for almost my whole life.

Until I met You.

And now you're the only thing keeping me sane.

but somehow I still love you. Even though it hurts.

Even though you won' t love me back.

Even though you hurt me so bad.

Maybe you should love me. Maybe it'll hurt less.

You deserve to lose me for good.

But you don' t seem to care at all.

That's why I hate you.

But I guess that's what I deserve. After all, you're the one who gave in to her and started dating her. It must have been so easy for you....

It's not easy for me, though.

No matter how hard you push me away,

no matter how hard you hurt me,

even after you give me everything I need,

everything I love about you..

still....you don't love me.

It kills me inside.

Knowing how you feel.

Knowing what she means to you.

Knowing that you're not even willing to give me a chance.

I wish I were dead. If only I could just disappear completely,

not caring who finds me.

Or where I am.

But unfortunately I'm trapped,

trapped between two worlds.

Trapped in your world,

trapped in mine.

And I can't seem to escape it either.

I've tried so hard to forget.

I've tried so hard not to remember.

Every time I open my eyes,

every time I look at you,

every time I look into my own reflection.

I see a monster looking back.

A monster who hates herself for being alive.

Because of you.

Because you made me like this.

I can feel you standing beside me right now.

Standing there.

Looking at me.

Hating me too.

Because of You.

Because of you......

follow for more ~

like, comment and share ~

😊😊😊

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***