3

I think i'm starting to understand him.

and he starts to understand me.

and i wonder if he regrets it.

if he wishes he hadn't fallen in love with me.

i feel him move next to me.

and he pulls me into his chest.

like he's protecting me from the outside world.

from the world that he wants to destroy with his words.

he says they won' t happen again,

they won' t happen again.

but they will.

they will eventually happen.

and when they do,

i'll be able to leave this world.

the one that i live in with him.

without him.

it scares me.

Why is he not loving me anymore?

i don' t know how much longer we'll be together.

how many months are left before we die.

but even without him I want to leave this world,

go somewhere better.

to live somewhere where the darkness doesn't exist.

where the light never appears.

where everyone's dreams are real.

where no one's lies can reach us.

where we can truly rest and have a normal life.

where we don' t have to worry about anything or anyone.

where nobody knows us.

where nothing can hurt us.

where i can finally stop fighting for happiness with my heart.

where i can finally rest.

i close my eyes,

trying not to think of anything but him.

i know i'll fall asleep eventually.

when i wake up he'll be gone.

he'll probably be on his way to see another woman.

another beautiful woman.

and i'll try not to feel upset,

I' ll try not to feel angry with myself.

I'll try not to cry when the sunlight shines through my window.

I' ll try to be happy again.

Because there isn't a single thing he could do to change the fact that I'm not going anywhere.

I won't be going anywhere.

Not yet.

And I don' t know if i'll be alive tomorrow.

but for today, i can stay.

Just for today, i can stay.

For one second.

For one second of peace.

One minute.

just one hour.

one day

One day, it's gonna happen again.

One Day.

It's happening again.

This morning,

There's a voice screaming at me to keep running...keep moving forward...

Keep running.

But it's not what i want to do.

I'm not strong enough to run anymore...I've lost too much weight.

My feet are stuck, tangled in the grass that surrounds me.

I can't escape it.

The hands hold onto my body so tightly, squeezing every breath i take away.

They squeeze my throat so hard, making it difficult to breathe.

Their grip is painful, and it hurts to breath.

My legs shake beneath me, trying to stand back up, but I can't even lift my head.

All I can do is lie motionless under their grasp.

The pain is unbearable.

A deep red is seeping out of my mouth, spilling across my lips. Blood gushes out of my nose and drips down my chin.

I can't breathe.

I can't see anything but red.

It surrounds me, wrapping its arms around me and embracing me.

And as I lie motionless underneath its grasp, I think that I'm dying.

I can taste blood in my mouth, I can feel the pain as it burns through me.

I don't want this anymore. I want to be free.

I want to stop hurting.

This feeling....it makes me sick.

It makes me want to die.

But I can't...

I can't.

I want this. It hurts.

So badly.

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