Love Is A Gamble

"Are you in love with me now?" Biglaang tanong ni Lucas.

Huli na nang namalayan kong nakatitig pala ako sa kaniya. Instead of avoiding his gaze, I remained staring at him with my poker face.

"Of course..." Then I started to smirk. "Not."

I saw how his energy suddenly fell. Sinamaan ako nito ng tingin ngunit tinawanan ko lang siya.

"Bakit? Pagod ka na bang maghintay? Sabi ko naman sa'yo, e mapapagod ka rin," Natatawa ko pa ring saad.

I didn't forced him to stick with me, it's his own will. Minsan ko na ring nasabi sa kaniyang hindi pa ako siguradong pumasok ulit sa isang relasyon dahil na rin sa takot. I have trust issues and I don't even know how to trust someone again.

"No, I'm just wondering..." Bahagya pa itong natawa.

My eyebrows furrowed because of confusion.

"Wondering of what?"

Muli ako nitong tinitigan nang direkta sa mata. Then I suddenly felt something weird inside me.

"Why do you have to be this pretty?" He then pinch my cheeks and laughed a bit.

Inis ko namang tinanggal ang kamay niya.

"Pretty your ***. Bolero," Pabulong kong singhal sa kaniya.

Bahagya itong lumapit sa tainga ko 'tsaka dahan-dahang bumulong.

"I will wait, Domi. I promised to take the risk even though there's no assurance. Kahit 'di mo sabihin, susugal ako para sa'yo kahit matalo,"

And with that, he left my heart dumbfounded.

Agad akong umiling at sinampal ang sarili nang mapagtantong nakangiti na pala ako kakaisip sa kaniya.

"What the freak is wrong with you, Domi?! Nakakadiri mga imaginations mo," Singhal ko sa sarili.

These past few days, madalas na 'kong makaramdam ng mga weird feelings. Familiar pero hindi ko na tanda kung kailan ko ulit huling naramdaman. At madalas ko lang 'yon maramdaman kapag nasa malapit lang si Lucas.

I let out a deep sigh and continue with what I'm doing. I'm currently doing my unfinished tasks here in Library since it's our free time.

"Lucas?" Bulong ko sa sarili nang makita ang pamilyar nitong pigura.

He's on the other table and he's with someone.

Kanina pa pala siya nandito sa library? Gano'n ba 'ko katulala para 'di siya mapansin?

"Lucas, " Pabulong kong tawag dito.

As far as I remember, almost 1 year na siyang nanliligaw sa'kin. And as I have said, it's his own will. I didn't even gave him any permission to court me, sadyang desidido siya.

Muli akong napangiti sa isiping 'yon.

"Hoy, Lucas, " Pagtawag ko ulit dito.

Sandali itong lumingon ngunit iniwas din ang tingin. He then talked to the girl who's sitting beside him.

My eyebrows shot up. Ano? Gano'n na lang 'yon? Lilingunin niya lang ako saglit?

Agad namang uminit ang ulo ko dahil do'n kaya kahit pa naiilang ay hindi na ako nagdalawang isip na lumipat sa table nila.

"Hoy, Lucas. 'Di ka na namamansin, ah, " Biro ko rito.

Sandali lang ako nitong nilingon bago bumulong sa babaeng kasama niya. I was about to say hi to that girl when she rolled her eyes at me and immediately grabbed her things. Sabay silang tumayo ni Lucas.

Without saying anything, agad silang lumabas ng Library.

Saglit akong napatulala. There's this familiar feeling again. Sunod-sunod na bumagsak ang mga luha ko. I felt like I got stabbed in my chest more than twice.

Kahit pa magulo ang isip ay agad kong nilikom ang mga gamit ko. I want to clear things up. Ayoko ng ganito.

Agad ko siyang hinanap kahit pa patuloy pa rin sa pagtulo ang mga luha ko. I didn't mind those judgemental eyes. He and his words were the only thing that matters to me right now.

Then I saw him... With that girl again. Malapit sila sa gate. Agad naman akong tumakbo palapit doon.

"Lucas!"

Nang marinig ang sigaw ko ay inis itong lumingon sa'kin. May binulong siya sa babaeng kasama bago ito halikan sa noo. My knees and lips were starting to tremble the way how my heart starts to broke into pieces.

Ilang saglit pa'y dahan-dahan itong naglakad palapit. I can feel that he just forced himself to face me.

"What?" Walang gana nitong tanong.

Patuloy pa rin ako sa pag-iyak habang tinitigan ang kakaibang Lucas sa harapan ko. It's not him. He's different from this freaking guy in front of me! Please, tell me it's not him.

"S-sabi mo, maghihintay ka... "

I looked at his eyes.

"I t-thought you'll take the risk even though there's no assurance? " Pagpapaalala ko ng mga sinabi niya.

I waited for him to wipe away my tears but he didn't. And it breaks me even more.

"Domi, I've waited for a fucking year... Sino bang tangang maghihintay ng higit pa ro'n?"

I tried to stop myself from crying but the struggle is real. The more I forced myself to stop, the more it comes out.

"You didn't even gave me any hint that you like me, too." Mas nawawalan ng gana nitong saad.

"B-bakit mo pa sinabing susugal ka kahit matalo kung hindi mo naman pala kayang panindigan hanggang sa huli?" Patuloy sa paghagulhol kong tanong.

"I'm sorry but I can't wait any longer, Domi," Saglit pa nitong nilingon ang babaeng nasa gate. "And that girl, hindi niya ako pinaghintay..."

I can hear his deep breath. Halatang ayaw niya nang magtagal pa ang usapan naming 'to.

Isang mapait na ngiti ang gumuhit sa labi ko. I know he doesn't care about me anymore.

I'm just wondering why my body felt so numb but my heart isn't. It's damn broke right now.

"I thought I'll be happy to tell you that you won," Bahagya pa akong tumawa nang muling gumaralgal ang boses ko. "Y-yeah, you won my freaking heart..."

Isang beses ko pang sinilayan ang mukha niya bago dahan-dahang punasan ang luha ko.

"Nakakalungkot isiping ikaw 'yong nangakong susugal pero ako 'yong natalo..."

written by john patrick

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