Episode 2 - The real Shawn Mendes

It was the third time in the week that he showed up there, because that was the only place where he felt at peace. He could sit for hours in the same place and would only be bothered if he wanted to, because he knew the rules of the Weekend on the celebrities. Nobody could get close to the famous customers who appeared there every day in search of a little peace, unless one of them wanted to make a request, this rule applied to fans who were kept outside by a strong security system, and this made him feel almost normal again.

Shawn looked around discreetly, and behind his sunglasses, he could see that there were several important people out there. He saw some familiar faces, accompanied by glamorous women, but he did not want to remember who they were. His gaze shifted to a table in front of him where a businessperson from the movie world was sitting. On his side, a platinum blonde pretended to pay attention to everything he said, but Shawn could see the look of boredom stamped on her face. She realized that Shawn was watching her and gave him an insinuating look. From where he could see that she was beautiful, the gym's spotted body exhibited turbocharged breasts and provocative legs that her micro skirt showed. Maybe once, he was interested, but now in her eyes she was just another fortune hunter.

He turned his attention to the music that was played on his headset and began to set the pace by tapping his fingers lightly on the table. He loved that song as much as the band that sang it. Under pressure in his opinion, was one of the best songs recorded by the Queen band. He had even recorded it on one of his CDs, but without claiming to equal Fred Mercury, who had been considered one of the best singers in the world, and who even after his death was loved by his fans.

As the music continued to play, Shawn thought about his life and his face got a little stiffer. He avoided letting such thoughts get in the way of his resting moment, but sometimes they just invaded his thoughts unexpectedly.

His image had always been important to him, and he had always believed that the way he saw himself was the same as the way other people saw him, but with the time and experience in that crazy world of showbiz, he had discovered that he was wrong.

He knew what people had to think of him when they saw him at the hottest parties in the world, accompanied by girls who looked like too painted barbies to his eyes. And there were many of them, thousands of them who approached him like flies attracted by honey, seduced by his money, fame, and his good-guy image, but he never found a single girl who was worth remembering the name of the next day;

For many, he was the rich playboy that pretended to be a pop singer, who used his money and influence as a decoy for whoever or whatever interested him. In addition, it was true that he had a lot of money, more than he would like, and having money gave him advantages that he wouldn't have if he were an ordinary boy, and that almost always gave him the feeling that he should apologize for having become famous so soon, as many fought all their life for a crumb of what he had achieved.

However, in spite of that, there was one thing he loved and that the disappointment of his dreams had not taken away from him. Shawn loved cars, and his favorite hobby was collecting them. He had several different brands, colors and models, but his favorite was a red Ferrari that he bought as soon as he became famous.

He loved the freedom that the car gave him, and loved even more to feel the wind in his face, the adrenaline of speed that made him feel so powerful that he would be able to fly. He could be himself, could go wherever he wanted, disappear in the anonymity of a privacy that he did not know what it was long ago.

He missed walking down the street just for the pleasure of seeing things happening around him, feel the rain wet his face, skate on ice, play football with friends, go to the beach without his presence causing such a stir that he needed the presence of a security guard, which took away the grace of doing anything. That was what the world of fame and celebrities had taken away from him, as well as his right to be who he was without having to explain himself to anyone.

But he couldn't deny that at first it was fun. The drunkenness of fame had caught him without him waiting or being prepared for it. Moreover, he had plunged into it like an alcoholic who sought his pleasure in a bottle of booze and drowned in its contagious effect. Suddenly, he was no longer the shy, quiet little Shawn who hated to stand out and get anyone's attention. He was the pop music star, idolized by fans, a beautiful face printed on magazine covers, the advertising boy who paraded the best brands in the world, the icon of a youth who urgently needed someone to be inspired by.

But in the same way that success had brought him extraordinary things, it had also charged him too high a price. When the magic began to fall apart, the charges came, the lack of privacy, the feeling of being suffocated, the loss of his identity. Being famous had left him vulnerable to criticism, to the loss of his friends who had left because they no longer recognized little Shawn in that glamour mask.

The tabloids constantly talked about him between one line and another as if they owned his life, giving names to girlfriends that he never had, putting words in his mouth that he had never said, only for the pleasure of notoriety. And he had suffered and been hurt, had gotten a lot, but he had lost what mattered most to him, which was his connection with himself.

His father used to say that he was too sensitive for the world of fame, and that if he didn't harden his heart a little, he would get hurt even more. Moreover, he had tried for a long time, and even managed to show the image of a good boy who passed and walked through life, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. As if, everything was coming towards him effortlessly. As if, his talent was just a mere lucky break. However, he had soon succumbed to the negative feelings that filled his soul, and he left aside the illusion that everything would change, and that he would once again be just the Shawn Mendes of his childhood.

What nobody knew and could never guess was that the boy with almond brown eyes, sweet face and curly hair when he was safe within the four walls of his room, fought exhausting battles with himself, thought of giving up all that madness, running away to a place where nobody knew who he was, living his life as anybody, having a normal life just for a change, being able to look at himself and not feel so empty. He was exhausted from pretending to be who he wasn't, he urgently needed to find out what he wanted, and what was still worth. He desperately needed to find someone to love; someone who understood his essence, to help him find the real Shawn Mendes that existed beneath that showbiz's star cloak.

But finding love wasn't so easy for him. Although he talked about it all the time in his songs, he had almost no hope of ever experiencing it. Of course, he had fallen in love, between one disappointment and another, he discovered too soon that real love was not for him, so he lived it through his music, sang it, composed about fictitious feelings that he had never really felt. He had learned that true love was rare, and in the world to which he belonged it was now almost extinct. It was left aside by the false aura of power that fame showed, and it was exchanged for the false perception that money bought everything, even happiness.

Shawn had sought love many times. At first he refused to give up, always thinking that one day he would find it on the next corner, at a party full of people, or even in the movie theater, but all he could find was the certainty that if love once existed, now it was dead.

He had met a girl once. . Her name was Kathy, and she looked like an angel with blond hair, green eyes and striking features. At first, she thought she was different, that she liked him sincerely, but he slowly realized that she was with him just because of the popularity Shawn gave her. She was a model, and being in the company of the star of the moment got her exclusive works, and so he had left her without giving her the second chance she had asked for. Since then, he had no longer shared his heart. He had more dates than he could count, and sex had become something banal for him, it was just a necessity and no longer the celebration of love he sang in his songs.

Shawn pushed the troubled thoughts away from his mind and looked at his gold watch on his wrist; and. saw that it was time to go. He had to be in the recording studio in an hour for the preparation of the next cd. He got up, and as he walked to the cashier, he felt someone pass him by very quickly, leaving behind it a delicious woody smell of cologne. He looked away in time to see just a piece of a navy blue dress disappearing through the front door. He followed it trying to see who owned the perfume that had caught his attention, but it had already disappeared without giving him time to absorb any more details of the person who wore it. Therefore, he paid the bill without smiling back that the attendant threw at him, went out the front door, and went towards the black Ferrari, which was standing in a parking spot in the Weekend.

As soon as he got into the car, his cell phone started ringing. He looked at the screen and saw that it was Brian, one of his few childhood friends who had not abandoned him when the weight of success had become a huge burden to bear.

- Hello\, Shawn. Are you all right?-he heard his friend's vibrant voice on the other end of the line.

- I am all right\, what about you? Have you been up to a lot of trouble lately?- Shawn said smiling.

- You know how it is. Old habits die hard- Brian laughed at the humor of his words\, and Shawn remembered that his friend was always like this.it seemed like nothing affected him\, it was as if life was a party for him.

- What's up\, man? - Shawn asked\, as he increased the speed of his car\, passing the other vehicle in front of him\, leaving a trail of smoke that made the other driver swear angry as he saw Shawn's Ferrari disappear at the next turn.

- Do you remember my father's business dinner on Saturday? - Brian asked.

Yeah, it's been on my schedule for a month.

- That's great. He just asked me to remind you that your presence is very important for this event.

Shawn smiled ironically when he heard his friend say that. He knew very well why Brian's father wanted him at his party. Once again, fame weighed on his shoulders, making him feel like he was a product that would be sold to the highest bidder.

Michael Fox, Brian's father, was one of the most important men in the fashion industry in Canada. Shawn had already used his brands on several occasions, more because of his friendship with Brian than out of consideration for his father.

In fact, he didn't like the man at all. He was always smiling, like Brian, but unlike his friend, it was a false smile, hiding behind him a hard man who cared only for the millions he earned every year, reserving little or no attention for his family. Shawn knew that Brian suffered from his father's detachment, and that he clung to Mr. Mendes, Shawn's father as if he were his own, for he treated him with more consideration than his father had ever done before.

- It's all right\, Brian. Tell your father that I will be there.

- Shawn\, I'm sorry\, I know how much you hate the spotlight\, but you know my father. Brian apologized.

- Never mind\, Brian. You know I'm doing this for you...

- I thought it was for the beautiful girls who are going to be there. -Brian said by provoking him.

- Clown. - Shawn had replied.

- See you later\, buddy. I'll see you Saturday. Brian said goodbye.

- See you later. Take care of yourself.

Shawn slowed down. He was about to arrive at the recording studio, and felt the old anxiety hit his stomach like a Ping-Pong ball. He always felt that way when he recorded a new song, because he didn't know the repercussion it would have. And waiting for the result, after the music released in the media, made him apprehensive.

The moment he locked the car door, his cell phone started ringing again. He looked at the number that appeared on the screen, and cursed softly. Kathy! He hadn't spoken to her in months, and he didn't want to talk to her now, but just out of curiosity she answered.

- Hello. - he said leaning against the hood of the car\, and immediately heard her voice sound sweet and hoarse\, just as he spoke when she woke up in his bed in the morning in the past.

- Hi love\, you haven't called me lately

- I've been busy. - Shawn answered in a dry tone\, but she didn't seem to notice it\, for she continued to speak in his sweetened voice that made him feel sick just listening to her.

- I miss you\, baby. - Shawn ignored the insinuating tone she used to talk to him\, and all he wanted was to end that conversation as soon as possible. So he asked:

- What do you want?

- I want to see you. Can we meet?

- Kathy\, tell me what you want right away. I haven't got all day. - he was getting impatient and almost hung up on her face.

- What is it\, honey? Are you in a bad mood? She woke up missing my kisses.

- Your time is running out\, Kathy. - He warned her.

- Are you going to Mr. Michael Fox's party this weekend? - then that's it\, Shawn thought\, It had to be.

- Yes.

Do you have a date yet?

- No.

- Can I go with you?

- No. Why don't you call Brian and ask for an invitation. You have his number.

- You know very well that Brian doesn't like me\, and he would never give me an invitation to anything.- her voice had completely changed from sweet to angry.

- So\, you're on your own. - Shawn said\, hanging up the phone\, and put it in silent mode. He didn't want to be disturbed by people like Kathy anymore\, he'd already had enough of it for a day.

He walked into the studio, greeted everyone and went to the recording booth, listening carefully to all his manager's instructions before he started.

Within five minutes he had forgotten everything that had happened to him that day. He felt transported to another level, where only the magic of music could make him feel as if the whole world was beautiful and nothing else could hurt him.

After three hours of work, he returned home, remembering the party he would have to go to. He wished he hadn't agreed to do that, but now it was too late to go back on it. Besides, he wouldn't do that to Brian. However, for some reason, he felt such a great anguish, and an enormous desire to cry. He took a deep breath, waited for that unpleasant sensation to pass, and entered the house, wondering mentally what was waiting for him that weekend, or that was to say, what did he expect from that weekend? He didn't know the how to answer to it.

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Hello, guys. I hope you like this chapter. I'm waiting for the comments. Kisses, Rosana.

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