the confession that wasn't

The weeks slipped by like slow-moving clouds—constant yet heavy. Thami found himself smiling less, laughter fading from his days. The vibrant energy that once coursed through him was now dulled, muted by an unwelcome weight that settled into his chest. It was as if the world around him had come to a standstill, devoid of brightness and warmth. No one seemed to notice, not even Nana, who was too consumed with his plans for the weekend and the exhilarating thrill of being with Amahle.

Amahle was everything Thami felt he was not—sociable, radiant, effortlessly charming. She brought out a side of Nana that Thami had always treasured but now felt painfully excluded from. Each time he’d subtly nudge his way into their conversations, their laughter would ring through the air, a joyous symphony that left him feeling like a ghost—a distant echo of the friend he once was.

To escape the mounting pain of watching Nana drift further away from him, Thami began to withdraw himself completely. It started subtly—skipping dinners, opting out of group hangouts. Excuses piled up, transforming what used to be easily shared moments into solitary escapes. The comfortable silence he once shared with Nana became a cold chasm, filled with unspoken words and heavy anticipation.

One evening, the need for solitude became unbearable. Thami retreated to the rooftop of the dorm, a place that used to be a sanctuary filled with laughter and deep conversations. He wore Nana’s oversized hoodie, a remnant of shared moments clinging to him like a lifeline. Its familiar scent wrapped around him warmly, igniting feelings he could no longer suppress. He clutched it tightly, fighting back waves of longing and regret.

As he leaned against the ledge, staring out at the city beneath a dusky sky, he felt the weight of his emotions shifting. He wished for clarity but was met only with confusion. The world below moved in a chaotic dance, while he remained frozen, trapped in his own thoughts.

Footsteps approached, breaking the silence. “Thought I’d find you here,” came Nana’s voice, calm and familiar as he stepped into the dim light. Thami faced away, unwilling to confront the reality that had settled between them like an uninvited guest.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Nana stated, a hint of concern threading through his words, drawing Thami’s attention in spite of himself.

Thami exhaled slowly, a deep breath that felt heavy in his chest. “You’re happy. That’s good. But…” The words fell out like fragile glass, shattering in the air around them.

“Why does it feel like I’m being punished for it?” Nana asked, brows knitted in confusion.

Thami felt his heart race, echoing a pain he had buried far too long. “I’m not mad; I’m just tired of pretending,” he admitted, his voice strained.

Nana’s brow furrowed deeper, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. “Pretending?”

“It doesn’t matter!” Thami snapped, irritation mixing with frustration as tension rose between them.

“Yes, it does,” Nana insisted, stepping closer, his own emotions spilling into the space.

The silence hung heavily, each second stretching into eternity until Thami finally whispered, “You really don’t see it, do you?”

“See what?” Nana asked, confusion mingling with fear as he searched Thami’s face for answers.

“That I love you, Nana. I’ve always loved you, and now… now you’re with her.”

Nana paled, the color draining from his face as if Thami had struck him. Words failed him, and Thami turned away, feeling the sting of vulnerability. "I'm not asking for anything, just… I can’t pretend anymore," he confessed, his voice cracking slightly.

The wind whistled through the empty space between them, amplifying the silence that threatened to drown them both. Thami could almost hear his heart break as he faced the reality of his confession.

Nana stepped back, a whirlwind of shock surging within him. “Thami... I had no idea,” he finally managed, the raw honesty of his voice cutting through the heaviness of the moment.

“I know,” Thami replied, a sad smile breaking through. “That’s the hardest part.”

He turned to walk away, hoodie still clutched tightly around him as if it provided some semblance of comfort. The sky darkened around him, mirroring the shadows that now felt all-consuming. Behind him, Nana stood at a crossroads, his expression a mixture of confusion, regret, and disbelief, unwilling to move.

The warmth of the moment left Thami feeling hollow. He descended the stairs, each step heavy with the weight of unspoken love and fractured friendship. He could still hear Nana’s footsteps echoing behind him, a constant reminder of what he had just shared—what he had lost. In the solitude of his room, he sank onto his bed, replaying the scene over and over again in his mind, emotions swirling in a chaotic frenzy.

As dawn approached, casting a pale light through his window, Thami realized that change was inevitable. Love wasn’t something that could simply be bottled up and hidden away. The truth would always seep through the cracks, and while it might hurt to admit, it was also a release. He remembered the warmth of their shared moments, the laughter, and the bond they had formed.

But now, that bond felt forever altered. The longings still lingered within him like echoes, twisting in his gut as he thought of Nana and Amahle. A bitter taste of longing remained, yet beneath it all, he felt a flicker of hope.

Perhaps, just perhaps, there would be a way to navigate through this tangled web of emotions. Perhaps one day, they could find their way back to each other, even if it meant redefining their relationship. As the sun rose higher, spilling golden light into his room, Thami wiped his tears away and resolved to face whatever came next with honesty and courage.

The world outside seemed vibrant and alive, waiting for him, for both of them—a canvas yet to be painted anew.

Small part :-

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Insert Scene: What the Heart Endures

Thami sat alone on the rooftop one night, the stars scattered across the sky like dreams too far to reach. He opened his notebook, the one he never showed anyone—not even Nana. And he began to write.

“They say the heart never wants to see the one it loves in pain. I believe that. Because mine—though bruised, though breaking—can endure the ache of loving you from afar. But it can’t endure your sadness.”

“You smile like a flower in spring, and sometimes I wonder—can someone like me ever be the reason for that smile?”

“You’re beautiful, Nana. Beautiful like the sky. And just like the sky, I know I can never touch you. You’re too far. Too free. Beyond imagination.”

“Still, I wonder… can I ever match up to someone like you?”

He closed the notebook softly and let the wind turn the pages.

Some feelings didn’t ask for answers.

They just needed to be felt.

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