the space between us the days that followed blurred together

Thami sat in the corner of the library, the rhythmic sound of turning pages mixed with muffled laughter echoing through the space. He tried to focus on his notes, but his mind wandered to the conversations he could hear not far from him. Nana and Amahle were seated together, their voices intertwining in a way that made Thami’s heartache.

“Let’s grab lunch—but Amahle’s joining us,” Nana had said earlier, his smile bright, oblivious to the simmering feelings Thami was battling. Today, it is harder to be invisible. Thami could feel the weight of every passing moment, every punctuated laughter shared between them cutting deeper than the last.

As he glanced up from his books, he caught a glimpse of them outside, sitting close on the grass, sunlight casting a golden hue around their warmth. Nana’s hand brushed against Amahle’s, and she laughed, a cascade of joy that echoed in Thami’s chest like a distant thunder. Thami looked away, unable to watch another moment of the affection he longed for but could never claim.

He didn’t blame Amahle. No, she was everything anyone could want: kind, funny, smart, with a sparkle in her eye that matched Nana’s humour. They shared music tastes and movie lines, filling the gaps Thami wished he could bridge. But as he watched them, he felt like a ghost passed through a beautiful moment—there in body, but absent in spirit.

Thami stood up, feeling the dissonance between his body and his heart. “I’ll get us some drinks,” he muttered, escaping before they could ask him to join. The cafeteria was loud, a cacophony that mirrored his inner turmoil. He leaned against the counter, letting the noise wash over him as he waited for the drinks. This was supposed to be a friendship, he told himself. Just a friendship. But watching Nana with someone else made every flicker of laughter feel like a betrayal.

“Not crazy,” he’d said earlier. “It makes sense.” It was true. It was easier to not stir the pot, to let the good times roll on while he swam in silence. Thami gripped the edge of the counter, his knuckles turning white with the pressure he exerted. He wished he could reach out, wished things were different, but he’d made his choice—to remain in the shadows for fear of losing the only person he held dear.

Later that evening, Nana showed up at Thami’s flat, just like always—their haven after long days filled with shared stories and comfort. But tonight was different. Thami felt the distance more acutely, even as they joked and lounged together on the bed, the familiarity clashing with his anxious heart.

“Amahle wants to make it official,” Nana said, throwing the words out casually. “Like, proper girlfriend-boyfriend status. Crazy, huh?”

Thami’s throat tightened, the words wrapping around it like a vice. He sat rigidly at the edge of the bed, swallowing the lump rising in his throat. The soft glow of the bedside lamp illuminated Nana’s expectant face, but Thami couldn’t meet his gaze. “It makes sense,” he replied, forcing the words, but each one felt heavy as lead.

“Are you okay?” Nana’s concern was palpable, spreading through the room as if it were another person. “You’ve been quieter than usual.”

Thami hesitated, caught in a web of truths he was afraid to unravel. This was it—the moment he could expose his heart, strip away the silence that had settled between them like an unwelcome guest. But when he finally turned, the trust and warmth in Nana's eyes disarmed him completely. “I’m just tired,” he muttered, a lie that felt like a punishment.

“Big test coming up,” he added, watching Nana smile but feeling only emptiness inside. Best friend. The title cut deeper now, a reminder of the line he couldn’t cross.

As the night wore on and Nana fell asleep beside him, Thami lay there, tracing the contours of his best friend’s face with his eyes. The rhythm of Nana’s breathing was a haunting melody, and with every inhale, Thami felt the ache of unexpressed love swirl within him, longing to escape.

“I love you,” he whispered into the quiet room, but Nana remained blissfully unaware, lost in dreams of someone else. Just words caught in the silence.

Thami woke the next morning with the remnants of a haunting dream etched in his mind. He had been chasing Nana down a road that seemed to stretch infinitely, the sky a murky grey that muddied their connection. No matter how loudly he called, Nana walked on, laughing at something Thami couldn’t understand.

There had always been a growing space between them in these dreams—a chasm filled with unspoken confessions, lingering touches, and unshared moments. Thami could only watch as the boy he loved drifted away, an ever-elusive figure that brought him both joy and despair.

That morning, the unease resurfaced as he sat beside Nana in their usual classroom. Everything appeared normal, the friendly banter and lightweight joking creating an illusion of comfort, yet beneath it all lay the undulating tension. Thami laughed when appropriate and nodded when he was supposed to, but the weight in his chest felt heavier, constricting—heavy like a boulder he couldn’t displace.

The space was still there—the silence deepening like an unseen rift. It wasn’t just physical; it was profound and unsettling, a void that screamed louder than any words. With every glance Nana cast toward Amahle, every mention of her name, Thami felt that distance widen, leaving him stranded in a world-coloured grey.

After class, he grabbed his notebook and scribbled down his thoughts as though inscribing them could somehow provide clarity:

“There’s space between us now. Not one you can see. But I feel it. In how long it takes you to reply. In how your eyes drift elsewhere—even when I’m beside you. I miss you. Even when you’re right here.”

He stared at the words, the truth washing over him like a wave before crashing onto the shore. “I’d rather suffer quietly… than risk losing the only part of you I still get to keep.” The weight of silence hung heavily around him, but he remained bound to it.

It was this fear that held him captive, as the barrier grew deeper. What could he say to bridge that space? How could he reveal the love that pulsed just beneath the surface?

Amidst the confusing spiral, one thing remained clear: no matter where Nana’s heart wandered, it always took Thami along for the ride. The two of them were forever wrapped in a bond stronger than words, yet it thrived in the shadows of unspoken feelings. And whether or not he could find the strength to step into the light remained uncertain.

Still, the love was there—a bittersweet ache, cradled against the backdrop of their friendship, waiting to either blossom or wither away in that vulnerable space between them.

Small part :-

Excerpt from Thami’s Diary: “The Unfinished Things”

I believe my entire notebook is a tribute to you.

Every page echoes your laughter, a melody that dances through my mind.

Every line captures the warmth of your smile, radiating like sunlight breaking through the clouds.

And every blank space between my words—it's filled with the silence I carried when I longed to whisper the words, "I love you."

I've penned stories where we lie beneath a tapestry of stars, our fingers entwined, finally baring our souls and speaking the truths we’ve kept locked away in our hearts.

I’ve crafted poems that bleed with longing—each one an attempt to encapsulate the depth of your eyes, the sweet lilt of your voice, the comfort of your presence. Yet, none of them come close. They never will.

Once, I even composed a song.

The chorus sang: “You’re the wish I whisper, the fire I hesitated to touch. You’re the dream that slips away just as I awaken.”

But I never had the courage to sing it.

It was a song destined for someone who would never hear its haunting notes.

My love for you mirrors this diary—filled with fragments left unfinished, words unread, and a quiet heartache that slowly unravels.

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