Third Session 1

“Morning!” I look up to see the person talking to me. I still can’t recognise her voice but I can make a guess.

“Norah,” I smile as I see the girl in the hoodie. We became friends so easily yesterday. I spent almost the whole day with her and I knew she’s a nice girl. “Good morning,” I take off the earpiece from my ear.

She puts down her plate and takes a seat in front of me. It’s the first time for me to eat with someone here. I’m kinda happy about it. Well, lately I’ve been in a good mood so I welcome this friendly being.

“What is it?” she asks cheerfully for an early morning.

I tilt my head still unsure of what she’s asking about. She does that a lot, throwing random questions. “Hmm?”

“What’s the song you’re listening, Tina? Every time I see you, you always have earphone sticks on your ear,” she rolls her eyes acting as if she can’t believe I don’t get her obvious question. Someone should teach her what obvious question really is.

“Love Song.”

She stops munching at her food and keeps staring at me seriously. “I’m still waiting for a title here,” she asks with mouth full of food.

This time she’s the one who can’t get my answer. “That’s the title, Norah. It’s Adele’s.” I can’t help laughing a little when she nods embarrassingly with her mouth opens slightly. “That’s my favourite lately,” I add to make her comfortable.

“I haven’t heard it. And? What else are you listening to?” she asks after swallowing her mouthful bacon and egg.

Smile appears on my face without invitation. “I just listen to Love Song,” I sound like it’s an obvious answer and sip my glass of milk.

“Aren’t you bored?”

I shake my head. “Nope. I like it, no, I love it a lot.”

“That’s up to your taste, I guess. So, how’s Dr. Miller for you? I heard he’s really caring and charming.”

After a moment of hesitation, “Pretty good,” I say, “How do you get this information anyway? Is he your doctor?”

“You know,” she motions closer so I mirror her. “When there’s a group of women, there’s also gossip. And the nurses here, they’re mostly women.”

Both of us laugh so hard after she finished her explanation. She’s a really interesting person, this Norah. If we met under different circumstances, we’d be best friend. Well, meeting like this doesn’t make a big difference I think.

“Say, Norah. Why are you interested in me?”

Suddenly she crosses her hands in front of her chest like she’s making a defensive pose. “Whoa! What makes you think I swing that way?”

We laugh hard again understanding she’s joking. “You know what I mean,” I become serious after my laughter subsided.

“Hahaha, I just wanna say that sentence once,” she clears her throat. Probably dry from all of these laughters. “It can’t be helped, you know. You never miss your routine and after noticing you for a while, I got curious. And you pretty much never talk with anyone else.”

“I guess I do stick to my routine.”

“And, even though this is a madhouse, the patients here are pretty normal most of their time. We can absolutely make friends. And we actually look normal, don’t we?”

I can’t help but giggle at her question. I’m still tired from laughing earlier but she’s just funny. One thing I notice about her, she’s insightful. And she’s absolutely right.

“If you put it that way, we do look normal. It’s not like I don’t wanna make friend. It’s just, I’m too preoccupied with this sudden change and with this experience, I have no time to make friends. Besides, I don’t know how to get close with people here.”

“Just get close when you wanna get close. There’s nothing difficult to it,” she says confidently.

“But I don’t know what to and not to ask,” I reply timidly. So contrast with her attitude. I begin to wonder what could’ve happened to her. What possibly happened that this beaming girl cut herself.

As far as I know, which is the movies and stories, people with depression tend to hurt themselves. But Norah is far from that description. She’s cheerful, lovely, friendly, and easygoing. Seems like she doesn’t have any problem at all. If I didn’t see her scars, I’d never found a reason why she’s here.

“Just show that you care and want to be with them.”

“It’s just like we normally do,” I demand some tips.

“Exactly,” she states cutting my sentence. “We’re all human, Tina.”

Her answer makes me look at her differently. I respect this girl in front of me simply because she opens my mind. It’s a plain fact but somehow it leaves deep impression when she says it.

We talk again for a while before we move to the common room. It’s not just her. I look at everyone differently after our conversation. I smile more and get more warm smiles.

“I’ll pick you in another hour, don’t forget, okay,” Elle said as friendly as possible.

“Where’s Sam?” I asks concerned.

She’s supposed to be back. It’s her shift already. I feel so selfish because I worry she won’t be my appointed nurse more than what exactly happen to her. But that just shows how much I need her.

“Her little daughter’s sick so she won’t be here for a few days. I hope you don’t mind to have me,” she smiles a little before leaving me behind.

That’s just great. My only oasis in this damn place just left me. I really want her to come back soon and for her daughter to get better. Thanks God I met a new friend.

“Just hang in there. At least your appointed nurse is a good one and she’ll be back,” Norah cheers me up.

“Yeah, Sam is the greatest.”

“You’re lucky. Mine isn’t that good,” she sighs quite hard.

“Why?” I ask instinctively.

She just shrugs her shoulder. “Just like majority of the nurses here.”

I know just what she meant.

“At least they are better than the people I know,” she adds.

We look at each other and see the same bitter smile on our faces. We can’t do anything about other people since we are the minority. In fact, we’re seen as the problem here so it gets worse.

Just like Elle and Norah’s nurse, I believe they don’t mean anything bad. They are trained and it’s their job to take care of us. They listen to us. They serve us. They keep us safe. But in the end, they are just human. Their heads might know but sometimes their hearts are just not here. And even their unconscious minds, they have their own thoughts.

They want to help, that I know. But sometimes, they forget that we are also human. Just like I forgot that these people are just human. We might have differences, but even twins aren’t exactly the same. They might forget since they have a stronger position in this system so I’m thankful for some who still see us as a person, just like Sam.

We’re not even a criminal. But sometimes I can’t feel the difference.

“How’s your family?” I sincerely want to know. If her family is as bad as mine, that will be another common thing between us.

Norah avoids my eyes and I see her smile’s gone without a trace. I immediately know it’s a taboo topic.

“I’m just curious. You don’t need to answer if you don’t wanna.” She still doesn’t say anything. “Hmm, by the way, what else did you hear about me?”

She looks at me again and I feel a sense of relieve knowing she’ll be fine with me. Offending her is the least thing I wanna do.

“That you’re the niece of the director?” she says as if she’s asking me that fact.

I nod my head once and flash of memories with my uncle attacks my brain. He’s the best uncle anyone could ever hope for. He’s nice. He cared. Sometimes I wished he’s my dad but I never told anyone. So the pain from his action is far worse than my real parents.

“Is that why you got close to me?” I tease Norah, trying to clear my thought at the same time.

“Of course not,” she denies immediately although I bet she knew I was just joking. “But why isn’t he your doctor? Is it because you’re relatives?”

I look down because I don’t want her to mention the face I’m making right now. “He’s not good enough.”

“He’s actually my doctor and he’s quite good.”

“You won’t come back if he’s really good,” I snap and regret immediately. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Maybe you’re right,” she tries to joke around.

Both of us stay silent for a while. We don’t know how to change this terrible atmosphere. At the same time, perhaps we don’t want to look like we avoid this topic. We can’t run but we don’t really know how to face it.

“Guess I take your time listening to your music,” she decides to avoid the topic in front of us.

“I memorised the song already. It’s all in my head.”

Then silence fall once again.

“Listen, we just met and we barely know each other,” she hesitates before continuing, “Let’s get to know each other first before we start talking about depressing stuff.”

Her hazel eyes stare at me. For the first time, she looks like a cute little puppies with those big round eyes looking at me and I agree. I really can’t believe anyone is capable to hurt her.

— — —

I’m starting to enjoy my session with you. As stubborn as I am, I still need to accept the fact that you are different from others. I don’t know what you think about me or what you think about my situation.

But I’m sure of one thing, you really listen and want to know me. I didn’t know how to put it, but after today’s talk with Norah, I realise it for the first time. You don’t see me as an object or just another patient. Yes, you treat me exactly as a human and that’s why I will open up to you.

“It’s nice to see you smile. I believe you have a good morning,” you smile noticing my good mood.

“I know I’m not that easy to handle, but I just wanna say I appreciate what you do. Listening and everything. I mean it’s your job, but… thanks,” this good mood is really taking control of me. Blame Norah for being such a good friend. Well, you should thank her.

You stare at me for so long I can’t help staring back at you. I see your eyes fluttering in realisation that you almost drill a hole in my face.

“What happened? I’m happy with you being so open suddenly but I can’t help but asking what’s the cause,” you fix your sitting position.

“Nothing really. It’s just, I realise that you’re different from my uncle. And that’s a compliment.”

After blinking for a few times, you smile at me. It’s a sincere one. I don’t see any hidden meaning behind it though I’m not sure I can’t see it because I let my guard down or there’s really nothing.

“I know we don’t have a great start but I’m just saying that I really want the best for you. I want to help you. I mean it.”

I nod and you begin your work for today. “So, when did you see his world? Quartian?”

“Well, I hadn’t found a way to show him this world so we just settled with him showing me his. It’s not that hard for him. I remember it was a weekend. He said he didn’t have any plan so I came rather early. But not so early since I didn’t want to see him in compromising situation again.”

“Compromising?” you cut my story. Really, that’s what you’re interested in?

I roll my eyes and make it so obvious to you. “Okay. It’s nothing. One day I got there before my school start. You know, that’s my habit once in a while so there’s nothing else on my mind.” You nod and signal me to continue. “And,” I feel my cheeks getting hot, “He was in the shower. You get the picture,” I finish my last sentence quickly.

“Ah, I see,” you don't have any other response. So like you. After spending time with you, I think you’re also an introvert and maybe that’s the reason you’re such a good listener.

“Just to be clear, I saw his back and only his back. And I ran downstair that instant,” I keep on rambling with cheeks as red as a tomato from image of his back which appear so suddenly.

You chuckle a bit and see me glaring at you so you pretend nothing happens. “That’s fine. You don’t need to be embarrassed. So, what happened next?”

“Nothing happened!” I shout and I swear I saw you jumped a little bit on your chair.

“I mean, what happened on the weekend?” you try your best not to laugh and I officially hate the smirk on your face.

If my face could get any redder, this is the time. “He just finished his breakfast,” I continue my story as I catch my breath.

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