First Session 1

“Aaarrrggghhhh!!!” a female’s painful scream echoed throughout the room. It tears the air  apart in cold blood. It’s a common occurrence in this godforsaken place.

Three people in white uniform come rushing in as they try their best to calm her down. One female and one male hold the pitiful woman in place while the other female prepares the injection.

The screaming lady looks lost and drowns in her own cries. It’s so heart wrenching when the memory of her terrible past suddenly runs through every veins in her brain. That single memory left a big scar in her 25 years of life that keeps bleeding once a while. Her life turned into a nightmare in that single accident.

The nurse holding a syringe slyly injects the liquid into her blood flow and soon the scream isn’t heard anymore. Before losing her consciousness, her eyes look far into the distance with tears keep rolling down her now skinny cheeks. She can’t hear a thing from this present as she’s slowly falling into her deep sleep.

Most of the people here know about her story. Whenever she wallows herself into her distressing state, she blames herself for the lost of her whole family. The fact is, it’s just an unfortunate accident. But it also doesn’t change the fact that she fell deep into depression since that horrible day.

Just these past few days, I’ve heard her cries like a hundred times already. Every night when I can or can’t fall asleep, her sorrowful wail becomes my constant company. I don’t hate her for that. I can’t exactly do that. I know she’s in pain and in a way, I’m also in pain.

I feel bad for her but I throw back my attention outside the window once she stopped crying. My favourite song’s still playing in repeat and I focus my hearing back to the melody from the earphone in my ears.

There’s really nothing I can do to help her. I wish there was but in this prison like facility, I’m just as helpless as her.

My situation is still a lot better than her but who am I kidding, we are all trapped here. Although some are here willingly, we are all trapped. I feel worse because I’m here against my will.

“Dear, it’s time,” Samantha, who asked me to call her Sam since the first day I came here, taps my shoulder and pulls me from my short me-time.

She’s the closest ally I could find here. I accept her as a friend. No one could reject a woman with a big beautiful heart. Especially her. I don’t know what she sees in me, it might be pity, but I know she cares for me sincerely. And for now, I can’t really be choosey. There are not many people who sincerely cares about me and my sake.

Our appearances, personalities, and a lot of other things are completely opposite of each other. She’s beautiful with her dark curly hair and milk chocolate skin while I’m completely pale and have straight blonde hair as my natural hair. I am what people call introvert while I’m sure she’s a total extrovert. The gap between us is also 15 years. Yet for some reason, I feel like she is my true friend.

I pause my blue small iPod, take off the earphone, and put them in my pant’s pocket. In this place, I don’t really pay attention to my wardrobe. Sweatpants and plain t-shirts are officially my new daily outfit.

“Hey, Sam,” I know what she’s here for and I’m not feeling so great about it. Still, I smile so my worrywart friend won’t start getting all worried about me.

“Are you ready? Come on, let’s get going.”

I stand up and look outside the window once again. Since being locked up, I already picked up a new habit. Sitting near the window and stare outside.

Even with my eyes close, I think I can picture the scenery outside the window perfectly. The green yard. The roadway that disappear into the woods. And of course the trees surrounding this place. Whenever I have free time, my gaze always go outside.

“Okay. Let’s just get it done.”

I follow Sam closely. I don’t feel like talking and she understands so we just walk side by side in silence. I can’t say I like silence, but the silence between us is always comfortable. I never feel like I’m being judged by her eyes nor attitude. Unlike everyone else around me.

She’s the only person I can breathe freely with. No need to worry. No need to think of useless stuff. I’m really grateful to meet her in this miserable place. She’s the only light in this suffocating darkness.

The common room, which I stayed earlier, and the place I’m going to right now are placed in the second floor so it doesn’t take us too long to arrive. I stand in front of the black ebony door which I will be visiting everyday from this day.

Dr. Alan Miller.

It’s the first time I read your name. I get nervous all of a sudden but it’s do it now or never  situation and I only have one option.

“It’s gonna be alright,” Sam puts her hand on my back.

Her warmth helps me calm down. She’s a mom so I often feel like she treats me like her daughter. I’ll be more than happy to have a mom like her.

“I’ll be here when you finish. Good luck in there, Dear,” she makes a fist to cheer me up.

“Thanks.”

I make up my mind. I take one deep breath and knock three times on your door.

“Come in,” I heard your deep voice for the first time. It sends shivers down my spine.

The door is opened pretty smoothly, no sound whatsoever. And there you are. Sitting behind your table full of books and papers. The light from the computer monitor on your left bounces on your square glasses. If I might add, it accentuates the glasses that frames your dark brown eyes beautifully.

“Miss Adams, please sit. I’ve been waiting for you,” you point me to the comfy black chaise lounge as you stand up from your work seat.

You bring a small black note and a black fountain pen with silver ornament. Then sit in front of me, on a black armchair. If I didn’t know anything about interior design, I would’ve guessed your favourite colour is black. But seeing how your office is decorated with black and white, perhaps you just like to keep things simple. Though I still can’t cross out black as your favourite.

“Good day. Please sit comfortably,” you say as you notice I’m still sitting upright. “I believe this is our first time meeting. I am Dr. Alan Miller. You can call me Dr. Miller or Dr. Alan. Anything you prefer.”

“Well, Dr. Miller, just call me Christina or Tina. I don’t like people calling me Miss Adams especially these days.”

You smile a little and open your little note. “So, Tina, how are you these days? You’ve been here for a few days, right?”

“Just trying to survive each day.”

I stare at you. I’m observing you, to be exact. If we wanna play this game, I will show you that it’s a two way street. You can observe me. Jolt down anything you find about me in your little notebook. Judge me anyway you want. But I’ll do the same. I will observe you and decide wether you’re trustworthy. Wether you can put me out of this misery.

Don’t worry. Even though I’m locked up here, my mind is still crystal clear.

“The director said that you’re his niece and ask me to take good care of you. I hope you can relax with me. I’m here to help you.”

Yeah, right. Everyone that put me here also told me they wanted to help me. That I was here for my own good. And that uncle you called director, the one who always came and celebrated my birthday without missing a single year, the one who were chosen as my godfather, the one who always spoiled me? Well, he betrayed me alright.

“Whatever. I don’t care if you want to help me or not. I know what I know.”

“I really want to help you. I do. Your case, I will be lying if I said I’m not intrigued.”

You keep smiling as friendly as possible, and this time, I will be lying if I said you’re not charming. But I just can’t have my hopes up. I wish I could just tell you everything, but even Sam who I consider my friend hasn’t heard my full story about what I really feel right now. What’s been on my mind these days. I just don’t want to be judged and betrayed once again.

“Why don’t you tell me what happened as a start?”

“What’s the use of it? You probably heard about it from your director already,” I keep observing your unchanging expression and it’s really starting to annoy me. If it’s your mask, how do you expect me to trust you?

“Well, your uncle, the director, he’s not that happy with prescribing you some drugs. He wants my help and I’m ready to listen with an open mind. I will listen to everything you say and we’ll find another solution together.”

“Listen, Doctor! There’s no another solution because there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m 100, no, 1000% fine!”

Even after my high pitch angry voice, you still smile and look me straight in the eye. I don’t know wether you are a good actor, a good poker face, or something else. Or is there still a possibility that you are just a good doctor?

“Tina, I’m really interested in hearing your story. Why don’t you just humour me. We will spend time together everyday wether you like it or not,” this time you sound gentler than your already gentle voice. I’m not sure how is that even possible.

“Fine! What do you wanna know?” I finally answer, feeling defeat. You should thank your handsome face that makes me want to trust you.

Your expression changes slightly after my answer. You smile bigger and the soft lines near your eyes look so cute. I don’t wanna ask why do you look so happy. Could you, someone who doesn’t have anything to do with me, practically a stranger compare to my uncle, truly care for me?

Scratch that thought. You probably just feel like winning already. “How did you two meet? When did it start?”

“To the point already, aren’t we? Didn’t you say we have a lot of time?” I try to tease you but no effect. Your face is back to your handsome poker face.

“Alright, alright. It’s almost a year ago. It was spring. It’s my favourite season to visit my secret basecamp. My secret place. And just like any other day, I went there. There’s nothing different that day except he’s there.”

“Is there something funny?” you ask because you see that I can’t help smiling.

I always smile whenever I remember him. And our first meeting? It’s really unforgettable.

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