Between Life and Death

I woke up slowly, feeling a terrible ache engulf my body. A bright light filled the room, and the sound of medical devices surrounded me. I opened my eyes gradually to find myself in a pristine white room, covered in tubes and wires.

“Where am I?” I wondered in a weak voice, but no one answered me. I tried to move, but the pain was unbearable. I began to recall some memories: the moment of falling into the water, the feeling of liberation, and then darkness.

A nurse entered the room, and as soon as she saw me awake, she quickly approached and called the doctor. “He’s awake!” she said, her voice filled with surprise.

The doctor came in with a sarcastic smile on his face. “Hello, how do you feel now?” he asked with a hint of mockery.

“Where am I? What happened?” I asked, my voice trembling.

“You’re in the hospital. A passerby saved you after seeing you fall into the river. You were very lucky, you almost lost your life,” the doctor said in a tone that was almost mocking.

A wave of emotions flowed through me. Did I really want to survive? What does this mean for me now?

“Why did they save me?” I asked in a choked voice. “I wanted everything to end.”

“Well, it seems you weren’t lucky enough to achieve that,” the doctor said with a sardonic smile. “Life is full of surprises, isn’t it?”

His words only increased my feelings of helplessness and despair. Why was he treating me this way? Didn’t he realize the pain I was living in?

“Is there anything you want to say to me?” the doctor asked provocatively. “Or do you prefer to remain mysteriously silent?”

“I just want to understand why this is happening to me,” I answered with difficulty.

“Maybe because you weren’t careful enough in your first attempt,” the doctor said coldly. “But now, you have to face the consequences.”

The following days were full of challenges. I began to learn how to deal with the physical pain and how to cope with the dark thoughts that haunted me. There was a team of doctors and nurses taking care of me, but I felt like I was in a constant battle with myself.

One day, an elderly woman visited me, carrying a look of kindness and compassion in her eyes. “Hello,” she said gently. “I’m here to help you through this ordeal.”

“Who are you?” I asked suspiciously.

“I’m a therapist. I heard about your case and wanted to be here to help you,” she replied with a warm smile.

At that moment, another therapist entered the room, his face expressing a mix of curiosity and mockery. “Oh, do we have another case of someone who doesn’t know what they want from life?” he said sarcastically.

“What do you mean?” I asked, exhausted.

“I mean, you missed a great opportunity to end everything, and now we’re here trying to convince you that life is worth living. Is that what you want?” he said in a biting tone.

“I just want to feel something other than this pain,” I answered honestly.

“Alright, let’s see what we can do. But don’t expect it to be easy or pleasant. Life isn’t always what you wish for,” he said dryly.

The therapy sessions began slowly. The elderly woman tried to help me talk about my feelings and thoughts, while the sarcastic therapist made provoking comments. “Do you really think talking about your feelings will change anything?” he would ask derisively. “Or are you just trying to waste our time and yours?”

Over time, I didn’t feel any hope creeping into my heart. Life, to me, was just a series of recurring pains, and I saw nothing but darkness in it. Every day was like the one before, full of internal struggles and feelings of helplessness.

One day, I decided to leave the hospital and walk in the nearby park, hoping to find something that would change my state. The sun was shining, the flowers were blooming, but I felt no joy or relief.

I sat on one of the benches and watched the children play, but all I could think about was how meaningless my life was. “Maybe I shouldn’t be here,” I thought bitterly. “Maybe I should find another way to end all this pain.”

The journey of recovery was long and hard, but nothing stirred excitement or hope within me. I knew I wouldn’t be alone, that there were always people who cared, but was that enough?

At the end of that day, I felt a deep sense of despair. Life had given me a new chance, but I wasn’t ready to seize it. All I wanted was to escape this ongoing torment, and I realized that hope was just a distant illusion out of my reach.

(There is no hope in this life.)

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