second.

*****The stars if you notice while reading are the words which I thought the readers wouldn't know.. if you know the words well then get along and read away but if you don't know the meaning scroll down and you'll see the meaning.. 

before I let you read I'd like to thank you for choosing to stay and read the mess of a story I made. hopefully, you'll like it more than I did. 

thank you.

Everyone might have experienced this or haven't i wouldn't know. But something that every average student has to go through is not being able to catch up with the lessons. Something i struggled with regularly during those days. The teachers barely cared about such students who weren't quick to get adjusted to this new place and conditions. Nonetheless, they cared even less about that one student whose mind was asking it to kill themself.

It could've been anyone. Me, or the one i called idiots or perhaps the one's whom i called my friends. But none of us cared. I was well and active with my friends and studies when life decided to give me a moment of epiphany*. A moment or perhaps a few more of such blissful epiphanies. Ceaseless Epiphanies of emotions. I should've known then. i should've known that it would end soon after i realize i wanted more. I wanted more of such stupid bliss.

I was at that reckless age where i wanted to kiss and wanted to be kissed. I wanted to fly and then wanted to plunge straight into deep waters, knowing the dangers of it i still wanted to do it. Such was his attraction. it made me feel like i was going over the speed limit and also felt as if everything was moving slow. i felt myself going insane over a guy i just met. It was dangerous yet safe. It was too little yet too much for me to take. I'd have known better then. i shouldn't have ignored the danger sign.

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5:30 AM present

I woke up from a nightmare, barely remembering the end of it when i got off the bed. Walking towards the bathroom i think of my schedule today.

cafe, lunch then I'll decide if I'll go to therapy or not.

The constant doubt about whether therapy was worth it or not. It seemed to help everyone but me. Perhaps it doesn't help when your problem is the therapist.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Bad hair, swollen eyes from crying myself to sleep, in total a complete mess. but.

"I love myself. you left everything bad because you love yourself," i told myself as i tried to fix my hair into a bun. Brushed my teeth when half away into it i remember his words.. "music will help you more than therapy" I let out a laugh as i walked back into my bedroom for my phone and AirPods. perhaps I don't need therapy anymore...

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*EPIPHANY: A SUDDEN MOMENT OF GREAT REVELATION OR REALIZATION.

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