Chapter 2

Jun walked down the pavement leading to his house slowly. His mother had said she could have his father pick him up at the train station but Jun told her he would just walk, it wasn’t far anyway. His headache hadn’t gone away and he knew he still had a fever, but the little sleep he managed to catch on the ride made himfeel a little better.

He had been surprised and more than a little embarrassed when he found himself waking up with his head on his seatmate’s shoulder. Fortunately, the man had also been sleeping, not that it lessened any of Jun’s embarrassment but at least the man had gotten some sleep himself, which meant Jun hadn’t made him too uncomfortable. Still, Jun had apologized to the man, who shook his head dismissively and told Jun it was okay.

That, short as it was, had been one of the best sleep Jun had for weeks, maybe months. Jun shook his head, feeling a little ridiculous. He’d never thought he would ever find himself sleeping comfortably on a stranger. He pulled the cardigan tighter around himself as he turned right at the intersection where his house was located. The man had told Jun to keep the cardigan.

“It’s a little chilly here,” the man had said and then left without any more words with his waiting friend.

The temperature in this town was indeed a little cooler than the city. Still, Jun thought the man was a little strange for giving away his really nice cardigan to a stranger. A little too nice too, Jun mentally added as he opened the gate to his house. He carefully arranged his facial expression as he covered the distance between the gate and the front door. He knew he looked more than just a little exhausted, but he didn’t want his mother to immediately feel worried the moment she saw him. She did enough of worrying on a regular basis.

His mother ambushed Jun at the foyer and immediately pulled him down for a smothering hug. She might not be his real mother, but Jun always suspected she could detect his presence from miles away like she had been the one to give birth to him. Jun smiled against his mother’s hair and inhaled. She always smelled sweet and spicy, he believed it had something to do with being in the kitchen too much.

“Oh my, you’ve grown a lot in a few months, Jun-ah. Look how tall you’re getting,” she said as she held his upper arms while looking up adoringly at him. Jun felt something sharp stabbing his insides. He grinned at her before leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re looking more and more beautiful, Mom. Look at you. I bet Dad has been worried his wife will be taken away by a younger man in the near future. Tell me, does he escort you when you go shopping now?”

His mother laughed and playfully slapped his arm. “Your father does no such thing. And what younger man are you talking about? You, naughty kid you.”

Jun only laughed and led his mother into the living room. It might not be the home he wished he could come back to, but it was home nonetheless.

--

Taeyong looked around Jisoo’s small living room while his friend busied himself in the kitchen making drinks for both of them.

Jisoo was one of his friends who had graduated a few months before Taeyong came back. Taeyong had begrudged him a little for that, but not that Jisoo had any other option. They might be best friends but Jisoo’s life didn’t resolve around Taeyong, and Taeyong knew that fully well. In fact, he knew who Jisoo’s life resolved around, if it was the appropriate term to call it, that was.

Taeyong’s eyes caught a picture frame perched on the wall across the couch he was sitting on. It was of Jisoo and another man – or a boy, Taeyong’s mind supplied, but only because he knew that man was a few years younger. Jisoo was smiling and the younger man had his arms around Jisoo while he grinned at the camera. Taeyong felt a little disgusted of himself to admit this, but the two looked adorable. What was with him and the word adorable lately? He already used that word to describe something that was not a puppy two times today.

Jisoo came out from the kitchen with two cups in his hands.

“What do you think?” Jisoo asked, gesturing at his living room after gently putting the cups on the coffee table.

“Not bad,” said Taeyong. “You said you bought this place with a really low price?”

“Yeah. The old couple was moving to their son’s house and since they didn’t have anyone to maintain this place they decided to sell it. They said they didn’t really need the money; they just wanted someone who would make sure this house taken care of,” explain Jisoo with a small smile, seemingly recalling the day he had the encounter with the previous owners of the small but really cozy house he was currently living in.

“Do tell me if the old couple has another house like this they want to sell. I’d like to buy one,” said Taeyong conversationally while picking up his cup before taking a small sip.

Jisoo chuckled lightly at that. “You mean you’d like to live in this town as well?”

“Not necessarily. They may have houses in other towns, who knows? You didn’t ask, did you?”

Jisoo shook his head slowly, still chuckling. “You’re right, I didn’t.”

Jisoo gently picked up his cup and blew some air to the tea so he could drink it. Everything about Jisoo was gentle, Taeyong sometimes found himself so irritated that he would purposefully pick on him just so Jisoo would get mad and raise his voice at him. At the rare times when he did manage to get Jisoo angry, however, Taeyong often regretted having done it in the first place. It didn’t really make Taeyong stop picking on Jisoo solely for Jisoo’s reaction though. Sometimes he wondered if Jisoo actually knew he did that on purpose. But they had been friends for god knows how long and Jisoo was one of those few people Taeyong could really be himself around. Maybe that was why Jisoo tolerated him no matter how impossible he was acting.

Taeyong eyed the picture frame on the wall and turned to Jisoo with raised eyebrows.

“So tell me how lover boy’s doing. I haven’t seen the two of you together since last year.”

Jisoo actually blushed at Taeyong’s offhand statement. Taeyong held back the urge to shake his head in disbelief. It was absurd that Jisoo had been together with Hansol for more than a year and Jisoo was still embarrassed at the slight mention of his boyfriend.

“He’s.. um, fine. He visits on weekends,” Jisoo finally said.

Taeyong nodded in understanding. Living apart had to be a little hard for both of them, he thought. Hansol was also attending a university in the city like Taeyong and the guy still had a few years before he could graduate since he was around three or four years younger than both of them. Nevertheless, Taeyong was glad his friend’s relationship seemed to be going well.

“Tell me about your research,” Jisoo asked, changing the topic.

Then Taeyong remembered his actual reason to visit his best friend.  Taeyong was working on his thesis and needed to do some data collection in an actual classroo. So he had called Jisoo to ask if he could help him, since Jisoo was currently teaching at a high school in the town.

The next hour was spent with Taeyong explaining to Jisoo about his thesis and his plans on the research design.

--

Jun woke up with a jolt. He opened his eyes and immediately sat up to look around his dark bedroom, heart beating too fast and breathing uneven. He sighed and lifted up a hand to wipe his face before getting up and walking toward the switch to turn the light on. After that he went back to sit on his bed.

The nightmares were always worse when he was sleeping at home. He did have them at the university dorm, but not as often. Or as intense.

“That felt so real,” Jun found himself saying to the quiet bedroom.

It made no sense how he could dream about the same thing, though in various different versions and settings, over and over for several years and still found himself as shaken as he always was when he managed to pull himself into consciousness. Jun never told anyone about the nightmares. Well, except his best friend who had proposed on every method possible to help Jun get a good night sleep, to no avail.

Soohyun had even suggested that he get himself off before going to sleep because it proved to help most guys relax and fall asleep easier, and to Jun’s mortification, he did try it. He indeed felt a lot more relaxed after that, and had almost fallen asleep before he remembered he needed to get himself clean, only to wake up a few hours later after yet another nightmare. This time even more distressing since apparently his shame for jerking off in bed while his roommate was sleeping across the room had somehow manifested itself into his dream as well. He stopped listening to Soohyun’s suggestions after that.

Jun eyed the alarm clock on his nightstand and saw it was at least two more hours before his parents would wake up. He wondered what they would think if they found out that his (actual) parents – the nastier, darker, and more evil versions of them, had been visiting him in his dreams for years after their death and told (or showed) him in various kinds of ways that he should have died with them. Or in some occasions, that he should have been the one who had died.

Jun doubted that would end well. His father might want him to see a therapist, while his mother would cry for sure. Jun hated seeing his mother cry. She might not be his real mother, but she was a lot better than his own mother had been. His real mother hadn’t even stopped torturing him after her death.

Jun shook his head to clear his thoughts. He shouldn’t blame the dead, that’s ridiculous. Dreams are often the visualization of one’s mental state. If he was to blame anyone for those dreams he had been having then Jun had to blame himself because apparently he was a freak.

Jun decided he should do something to brighten up his mood. He titled his head and thought about something to do, and then something came into mind.

He grinned.

Yes, he could prepare breakfast and give his parents a surprise when they woke up. He cooked fairly well and though it had been a while since he worked in the kitchen, Jun thought he wouldn’t have any problem with some toast and omelets. With his mind made, Jun got up and made his way downstairs to the kitchen.

The room was spinning when Jun reached the first floor, apparently he had been too enthusiastic to carry on his mission that he had forgotten he still had a fever (and the headache, though it was a lot better earlier before he decided it was wise to run down the stairs like a maniac despite the darkness). He scrambled to locate the switch and after managing to turn the light on he immediately found the nearest couch to sit down. When he was sure he wouldn’t be seeing dark spots if he stood up for more than five seconds, Jun got up and slowly walked to the kitchen.

It was a little tricky to locate where his mother stored all the cooking utensils and the foodstuff since he hadn’t been in the kitchen for months, but Jun managed. He was diagonally cutting the bread into halves when he noticed the new coffee machine perched on a narrow table near the counter.

He gazed longingly at the beautiful little thing for a few seconds. It had been a while since the last time he had a cup of coffee and to tell the truth, Jun wasn’t particularly delighted to recall his most recent post-coffee drinking experience.

He used to love coffee. His mother had said he was an old man trapped in a teenager’s body since he would always drink a cup of coffee in the morning during high school days. Since he started going to university, however, Jun had been doing a dreadful job at maintaining his eating pattern and had apparently managed to mess his stomach quite badly that every time he drank even the slightest amount of coffee he would be overthrown by massive nausea right after. The last time (it had been this fancy drink with more milk, caramel, and whip cream than coffee, really), Jun had forgotten that he hadn’t eaten any real food beforehand. Throwing up bile was an exceptionally nasty experience, no kidding.

Jun inhaled, then puffed his cheeks and drew his lower lip up before blowing the air out and shaking his head in defeat. No more coffee it was. He consoled himself with the thought that he could make some tea with a lot of milk later – it couldn’t beat a cup of coffee with lots of milk that Jun preferred but it was better than nothing, at least he could still have the lots of milk bit.

Jun was almost done making breakfast, thankfully his headache had behaved while he went about his task, when his mother walked in.

“Jun? You’re awake?”

“Mom!” He turned toward his mother in surprise. “You weren’t supposed to wake up yet. I was preparing a surprise breakfast for you and Dad,” he said a little sulkily.

“Oh.” His mother watched a little warily as Jun flipped the omelet with much effort. “Do you need help, dear?”

“Nope,” Jun said immediately. Then he thought better of it and looked at his mother with a grin. “Or maybe yes. You can help get the table set.”

His mother smiled back before walking forward to give him a loving pat. “Good boy,” she said, and immediately went on preparing the table.

His father walked into the kitchen half an hour later to find breakfast already set on the table and his mother announced proudly that Jun had prepared it all as a surprise. His father chuckled and patted Jun’s head affectionately, though Jun had to bow a little so his father could reach his head.

Breakfast was a pleasant affair. Jun made himself that cup of tea with lots of milk and happily sipped on it while spending more time talking than actually eating his breakfast. He made sure he stuffed tiny pieces of toast into his mouth in between talking so his parents didn’t notice that he had only been eating one piece of toast the whole time.

Jun never actually found out what his problem with food was these past months. At first it had been the erratic eating pattern, but now he found himself almost completely loosing interest in food. He now literally only ate to stay alive – it was a blessing if he actually had two full meals in one day. Jun knew this not eating thing would not end in a good way, and he would sometimes try to eat three meals a day like a normal person. But it would always end up with him feeling uncomfortably stuffed that he found himself having trouble breathing. Sometimes he had to throw up before he could breathe normally, and that hurt and he felt even more miserable afterwards.

Jun would sometimes ponder on all the weird things about himself and ended up freaking himself out because of how messed up he was. But most times he managed to put it all into the box labeled ‘dreadful thoughts – to sort out later’ at the back of his mind and went about his days being the happy guy all his friends knew him to be. It was a lot more draining than most people thought, but Jun figured he could deal with that.

His head was still throbbing. It was not piercingly painful but more like a constant dull ache under his skull. Jun had grown used to it since he had headaches too often for his liking. Jun had stopped taking pain killers since he learned they killed his brain cells.

He and his mother sent his father off to work half an hour later. Then his mother looked up at him asking what he would like to do for the day. Jun raked his brain for a plan but came up with nothing other than getting more sleep if possible.

“Ah, I’m still feeling a little tired. I’ll just spend the day in my room and get some rest,” he said eventually.

His mother smiled in understanding.

“You’re not feeling well, are you?” she said. “You’re always like that. You never let your mother know when you’re sick. It’s okay to get your parents a little worried, Jun. It’s part of the job description.”

Jun bowed his head in shame as the prickling sensation in his chest came back. His eyes were stinging, though this time it had nothing to do with the headache. Jun took in a deep breath before looking back at his mother with a grin.

“Oops. Busted,” he said.

“Alright. You go to your room and get some more sleep. You look like you haven’t slept for days.”

He nodded dutifully, still grinning.

His mother shook his head.

“I’ll make some soup,” she said. “And oh, Jun, please bring your dirty clothes down, alright? I’m doing the laundry later.”

“Roger that.”

Jun immediately turned around and went up to his room.

He took a shower and changed his clothes before gathering his dirty laundry, which consisted of the clothes he had worn the previous day and the shorts and baggy t-shirt he had on earlier. Jun caught sight of the wool cardigan perched on his study chair. He walked across the room to grab the piece of clothing. Something fell out from one of the pockets. Jun carefully put the cardigan on top of his pile of laundry before squatting down to pick the object up.

It was a student ID. Jun’s eyes went huge when realization hit him. It was the blond, gorgeous, too nice man’s (the very man who had given away the cardigan to Jun the previous day) student ID. The glaring image of the man’s face on the small card looked like it was asking Jun ’then who else’s you think this card is, dumbass?’ and Jun actually felt nervous as he carefully read the writing on the card.

Han Taeyong, it said. There were some string of numbers indicating his student’s registration number, and the name of the university was on the top left corner of the card. Jun mouthed the unfamiliar words of the man’s name soundlessly.

Ah, so his name is Han Taeyong, Jun thought a little giddily.

It was exactly five seconds later that he realized that since he had the card at the moment that meant Jeon Taeyong had lost his student ID, and he would be in trouble. Most universities required their students (and staff) to use their IDs to get access to almost all university facilities.

Jun needed to give the card back to Jeon Taeyong.

Picking up his dirty clothes with both arms, Jun ran downstairs, dropped his laundry into the laundry basket, and ran back up to his room before turning on his computer.

Five minutes later Jun found Jeon Taeyong’s student email address. Jun was halfway into writing the man an email to notify that he currently had his student ID and 'please let me know how I can give it back to you' when it dawned on him that he had just stalked on Jeon Taeyong online.

Jun dropped his head onto his keyboard and groaned.

“But this is the only way to get to him and he needs his student ID back,” he whined. “What? Am I supposed to just forget it and let him get in trouble for losing his student ID?”

The furniture in the room refused to give him an answer. Jun let out another groan.

“He gave me his cardigan,” he said a little more softly. “He is a nice guy. I should help him out.”

Having made up his mind, Jun lifted his head from his keyboard and typed that email he had already composed in his head.

Dear Han Taeyong,

I’m sorry this sounds a little stalker-ish, but I had to look up your email address online because I need to let you know that I currently have your student ID with me – it was inside the pocket of that cardigan you gave me yesterday.

Please let me know how I can give it back to you. I hope you haven’t been having trouble for losing it.

Thanks again for the cardigan, by the way. It’s really nice!^^

-Lee Jun

Jun smiled in satisfaction as he clicked send after re-reading the short email for the third time. He left his computer on just in case Han Taeyong checked on his email and sent him a reply.

But the reply only came two days later. It said:

Dear Lee Jun,

Thank you for notifying me about my student id card. I seriously forgot that I put it in the cardigan pocket after the security check. I am on midterm break so I haven’t had any trouble at all. But I will need it once classes start.

Are you still in town? If you are, will you meet me at The Nest downtown tomorrow at three pm so you can give my id card back and I can thank you over a cup of coffee?

Thank you once again for contacting me regarding this.

-Han Taeyong

P.S.: Has your fever gone down?

P.P.S.: It’s not stalking when it’s done out of necessity. It’s called research ;)

Jun was openly grinning after he read Han Taeyong's email. He immediately typed a response informing Han Taeyong that yes, he would meet him at The Nest tomorrow and yes, his fever was gone now thank you, and that he was glad Han Taeyong didn’t think him a stalker.

Jun managed to make his email not sound like he was a giddy high school girl just gotten asked on a date only after he edited the whole thing five times. Intricate process, but absolutely necessary.

Jun didn’t mention in his email that he didn’t drink coffee so Han Taeyong wouldn’t be thanking him over a cup of coffee tomorrow. But that wasn’t a problem. After all going to a coffee shop didn’t mean you actually had to get a cup of coffee. Jun was positive they served non-caffeinated drinks as well.

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