•BULLET TO THE HEART• [VEGASPETE] pete saengtham

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Find good in everything. My mother had always told me whenever I used to feel sad. At that time, when I was young... it felt something easy to go with.

But now... when my mother's presence isn't there to tell me that or comfort me.... I feel that emptiness.

Doesn't mean I don't have anyone else to go. God bless my Father. He has always been there for me. Even after when my mother left for heaven, he still was there... making sure I was okay.

We both are each other's solace.

But there's something which bothers me everyday.

There's a part of my life which has erased from my memory. A part which tries to haunt me every night. A part in which there's a... Boy... A boy who cries, hugs me and wipes my tears.

However much I try to remember him... I just can't. My head and heart hurts. It frustrates me to the core.

Who is this boy? Why does he cries? Or why do I cry? Is that boy even real? Or am I just imagining things?

Whenever I bring this concern to my father. He just has one answer... or more like a story.

He says that a year after my mother passed away I got into an accident and was unconscious for days. Maybe my mind made up a boy in my head while that time. Which I absolutely find absurd.

This is near to impossible or maybe it might have happened but... sometimes the visions feel too real to be made up.

When I was younger I agreed with my father. But now when I'm an fully grown adult... I feel conflicted. Although I have stopped asking my father about it but I'm hoping secretly that whatever reason my visions are may come to light in front of me.

But to be honest... I'm trying to move forward with my life too.

I'm currently working as an model in my friend's agency. Modelling wasn't my passion or anything but I didn't wanted to work in my father's field either. His business talks just bore me to death. Oh you might think of me as some stuck up brat but actually I really am a loser in that.

My passion was and will always be becoming an actor.

Shocked? Well... my mother was an actress herself. When she was young she has rocked her era so gracefully. Everyone used to fall on their knees whenever she used to come on the screen.

That's how my father saw her. The moment he saw my mother on a big theater screen, he was mesmerized. Being a top businessman, it was easy for him to ask her out on a date. And of course seeing his gentlemanly approach even mom was in awe.

On their very first date they hit it off. And then more dates happened and finally my father proposed her at Chiang Mai, in the sacred surrounding of Wat Sri Suphan temple.

My mom started crying and my dad panicked thinking she didn't liked him or something but the next second he was getting embraced by my mom as she repeated 'I love yous' to him.

They soon got married and my mom kept working as an actress. But soon she got pregnant with me and took the decision of leaving her career. My dad pleaded her not to do that, he knew it was her passion and h didn't wanted her to leave that. But she just said one thing, "My dream of being a great actress isn't that big to comparison with my dream of being a best mother to my children." and hearing that dad just left it at it.

They had me and we were happily ever after until of course... fate decided to play a cruel joke.

But now I want to fulfill my mom's wish. I want to become a great actor and show the world and my mom that I'm indeed her son!

And even if life throws any kind of challenge towards me...

Pete Saengtham will always face it with a smile!

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