what I know about my past: part 2

As I live in Bangalore, I have 2 friends that live in my locality. They are Clara and Mendy. Well, I forgot to mention my name last time, it's Livia here. When I grew older and older, my naughtiness faded away and I became as sincere as an innocent doll. my childhood in school was not so special.

Well, one big event took place when I was just 10 years old. it was unforgettable. My exam tests were going on and I was just a 5th grader. All these years since I was born, my dad was suffering from cancer, but I did not know it until his last breath on 16th September. he was admitted to the hospital thrice and my mom was worrying a lot. I was helpless. I felt lost and alone even if my younger sister was there with me. she was just 4 years old. she did not know anything about dad dying. she was surrounded by lies that dad had gone out for a few days for work until she was 6 years old. since then on I became silent, and hearing," sorry for your loss, you dad was a great man", was common. due to dad's funeral I had to miss three of my exams, that too the most important subjects. after I came back, 3 more were left, so I attended them. the day I entered the school after this incident, I became someone whom others show pity on and for some, I became someone whome they could encourage.

even though all this was out of the blue it still feels wierd as if it were a dream and I was waiting to come back to the reality. but it was real. I felt blank and emptiness wherever I used to feel warmth and happiness. I still thought that it all could be lies and wished that my dad would come back soon. as time passes by, I finally gave up and accepted the reality.

I became more and more concious of my surroundings, became more bored and aloof, thought in both good and bad ways of seeing and observing an object. my mom faced a lot of issues, but now I have decided to step up to support my mom and become her back bone. I will always accompany her and not let her feel alone. I will give my best to play my dad's and a daughter's role and fulfil them to keep my mom's feelings warm even if my dad is not there.

My mom is still relying on others for help where I am still helpless to mom. I will grow up soon and become independent then I can support mom and we don't have to rely on others.

it's been 2 years since dad's death. now mom has hot a job of a resource manager in my dad's company. my dad's is a huge and successful one. dad had 15 years experience in wipro. now my mom is working, she has got all the paperwork ( dad's properties, our own house, vehicle papers,deposits, dad's savings and bank accounts) done. now she has become a different person comparing her before dad's farewell. she is strong, independent, dominating, fierce and brave. she is now over my dad's grief but she still sometimes locks herself up and cries. she is soft and tender inside but dares not to show that side of her's to anyone.

even our family is not completely supportive, because of something ( a fight) that happened long ago. now mom has no one but herself to rely on. I am trying to support her as much as I could.

mom is getting more and more workaholic as days pass by. she takes us to movies, shopping, parks, hotels and many other places, just to keep us happy. she is being too hard on herself. she is forcing too much on herself to fulfill the roll as dad and a mom.

now that I understand what she is trying to do, I am currently old enough to support her. I am now 10th grade. sometimes I cry too seeing how my mom is trying to survive and send us to good school, this is me.

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