CHAPTER ONE: THE STRUGGLES

They say you’ll never know unless you try.

Well, I tried… and now, I know.

And honestly? Knowing hurts more than not trying.

“Xianne Ramirez?”

The coach's voice broke through the silence of the gym, echoing against the walls still ringing with the sharp squeaks of rubber soles and the soft thuds of shuttlecocks. Training had just ended. The players, breathless and glistening with sweat, sat cross-legged on the floor—exhausted, but hopeful.

“Yes, Coach?” I replied, wiping my forehead with the sleeve of my jersey.

“Come here. I need to tell you something.”

His expression was unreadable, but his tone gave it away. My heart thudded with a heavy rhythm as I stood and approached.

He told me about the results of the last tournament.

And just like that—

I didn’t make it.

“Just focus on your academics for now. You’re still young, and you’re about to graduate. There are many more opportunities in the future. This doesn’t mean you should stop. Just keep doing what you always do,” Coach Jay Madayag said, his voice steady but kind.

“Thank you, Coach.”

I managed a smile—one that didn't quite reach my eyes—and quietly returned to my seat.

I worked harder than anyone else when it came to badminton. I was always the first to arrive, the last to leave. I gave everything I had—every serve, every sprint, every breath. I often won…

But I guess you never truly understand what defeat feels like until it’s yours to carry.

“Jas! Did you get in?” Eric's voice sliced through the air like a sudden gust of wind. He turned to Jasper, who was sitting just a few feet in front of me.

Jasper nodded.

“Nice one! You’ve been waiting for this moment, bro!” Eric exclaimed, clapping his shoulder. Their voices buzzed in my ears. I looked at them but felt a million miles away.

“Xianne?”

Michelle’s voice tugged me gently back into the present.

“Huh? Sorry—what was that?”

Jasper glanced over at us, his face unreadable.

“We’re heading to the karaoke booth. Wanna come?”

“Sorry… I’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Again?” Rika muttered.

“You’ve been turning us down for days. Where do you keep going?” Shiela pressed, her brows knit.

“To my dad’s office,” I lied smoothly. “Sorry, maybe next time.”

“Alright, take care. Call me when you get home,” Michelle said, her tone laced with concern. I nodded.

As I walked away, the laughter and whispers behind me started to fade—but the heaviness in my chest didn’t. They didn’t know the truth.

Only Michelle did.

Because she was there with me when it started. When everything began to fall apart.

—

“Mom… we’re here,” I said softly as we entered the sterile, too-white hospital room.

“Honey…” Dad whispered beside me.

Mom’s face lit up—tired, pale, but still glowing with warmth.

“Oh, you’re here…”

She looked so small in that bed, buried in linens and wires.

We asked if she was comfortable, if anything hurt. She smiled and nodded gently, always trying to be strong for us.

The doctor entered soon after. I watched as he took Dad aside.

Their hushed conversation didn’t need volume to be loud.

We were too late.

It was already late-stage cancer.

No one prepares you for that kind of grief—the slow, creeping one. The one that doesn’t strike all at once, but every single day in quiet ways.

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

I’m still not.

—

Back at the gym, whispers started again.

“Wow, are you guys really friends with Xianne?” Eric said, disbelief coloring his voice.

“Gossiping already? Unbelievable,” Jude added, rolling his eyes.

“Think about her situation. She didn’t make it in the team. And now you’re inviting her to karaoke? Like, really?” Vince said, shaking his head.

“Exactly. You guys are something else,” Jude echoed.

“Our point is—we just wanted to cheer her up,” Rika said defensively.

“But the real issue is, you’re gossiping about her. What’s the point of your so-called ‘good intention’ if you’re just going to talk behind her back?” Eric retorted.

Michelle sighed—long and deep, like she’d been holding it all day.

“Guys, just stop. And you—Rika—I hope you reflect on what happened today. Stop gossiping about others if you don’t want others doing the same to you. I’m not joining you at the karaoke booth. You invited—you enjoy yourselves.”

Michelle grabbed her things and walked out without another word.

And just like that, silence followed.

Just like the kind she was used to.

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