CHAPTER 1: THE LAST SUPPER

Kazuki recognized the taste of almonds too late—subtle but unmistakable beneath the rich tonkotsu broth. Aiko had outdone herself. The poison was as meticulously measured as her lipstick, the table set with their wedding china like this was some grotesque anniversary.  

Of course she’d use the good dishes for my murder, he thought. She’d probably complain if I bled on them.

His phone buzzed. The screen lit up with a notification that would’ve made him laugh if his throat weren’t already closing:

LIFE INSURANCE PAYOUT PROCESSED: ¥500,000,000.  

Aiko sipped her wine, watching him over the rim of the crystal glass. "Is the broth to your taste?" she asked, as if inquiring about the weather.  

Kazuki set down his chopsticks with deliberate calm. "Bit heavy on the cyanide, darling." His fingers had gone numb, the tingling spreading up his arms like static. Just like our honeymoon in Okinawa, he almost joked—back when her coldness had still been intriguing instead of lethal.  

The last thing he saw before the darkness took him was Aiko toasting his corpse with his own prized Pappy Van Winkle. Classy, he thought, before the irony killed him faster than the poison.  

REBIRTH IN BLUE FLAMES

Lucian the Worthless woke up vomiting into what appeared to be Dean Illhousen’s screaming face.  

This can’t be a hangover, he thought deliriously as the tin bucket beneath him contorted, its surface stretching into a perfect, shrieking replica of the academy’s headmaster. His vomit—sparking blue like cheap fireworks—splattered across enchanted cobblestones that immediately began dissolving.  

Oh. I’m magic now. And apparently catastrophically bad at it. Why is my puke corrosive—

"NOT AGAIN!" wailed Bucket-Illhousen as Lucian’s half-digested lunch crystallized into tiny screaming homunculi. Around him, the Advanced Alchemy class erupted into chaos.  

The boy with hedgehog-quill hair erected a forcefield—not around himself, but protectively around his notebook. The girl Lucian had accidentally turned cerulean last week started taking bets with manic glee. Three seniors in the back developed spontaneous new phobias of dishware.  

"Twenty gold says he blows up the lab!" Cerulean Girl crowed.  

"No way," Hedgehog-Boy shot back. "After yesterday’s pudding incident? The cafeteria’s doomed."  

Pudding incident? Lucian barely had time to wonder before the energy crackling in his palms surged outward—  

The world exploded in azure hellfire.  

ACADEMY AFTERMATH

Professor Montague’s beard was still smoldering when the emergency council convened.  

"Report," growled Headmaster Illhousen—the real one, currently picking shards of enchanted tin from his robes.  

The Divination professor wrung her hands. "Every scrying orb shows that... that child’s face!"  

The Demonology chair shuddered. "The latrine demons have unionized!"  

From the corner, the Alchemy department head rocked back and forth, muttering about Newton’s First Law being turned into interpretive dance.  

Montague slammed charred fists on the table. "It’s the Worthless Cycle! Every century, one appears—"  

"Except this time," came a voice like smoke and knives. Vespera, the Black Flame Archmage, emerged from the shadows holding a scroll that reeked of burnt feathers. "The God-Child has bonded with him."  

The temperature in the room plummeted.  

Illhousen went parchment-white. "You don’t mean—"  

"Lilith is awake," Vespera confirmed.  

As if on cue, a duck crashed through the stained-glass window singing Never Gonna Give You Up in perfect A-flat.  

THE GOD-CHILD COMETH

Lucian blinked soot from his eyes. The academy’s west wing now resembled a modern art installation titled Why Magic Should Require Licenses.  

Well, he thought, plucking a piece of smoldering lectern from his hair. At least I can’t possibly make this wors—  

"Papa!"  

The voice was sweet. The sight was not.  

A toddler no older than three emerged from the wreckage, rose-fire eyes gleaming beneath a fringe of soot-streaked hair. Completely unharmed. Utterly unnatural.  

Lucian’s magic reacted before he could—a bungled diaper-changing spell that somehow:  

- Teleported the Crown Jewels  

- Transmuted them into edible gummies  

- Made them rain from the sky in a glittering cascade  

The child—Lilith—caught the dissolving diadem midair. "Again?" she asked hopefully, watching as the crown melted into her skin like chocolate.  

Somewhere in the distance, a chorus of professors screamed in existential dread.  

Lucian’s stomach dropped. Oh. I’m the disaster isekai protagonist.  

Lilith giggled and slipped her hand into his. Her shadow waved at him cheerfully.  

Without her moving a muscle. 

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***