Chapter 4: Spiraling

The next few days were a blur of forced smiles and strained conversations. Shin threw himself into his usual routine – classes, basketball practice, hanging out with his friends. He even went on a couple of dates, accepting invitations from girls who’d been vying for his attention. He went through the motions, flirting, laughing, even kissing. But it all felt hollow, a pale imitation of the genuine connection he craved.

The dates ended the same way, with Shin feeling a growing emptiness inside. These girls, with their bright eyes and eager smiles, were all attractive, all interesting in their own ways. But they weren't Xander. They didn't have Xander's quick wit, his infectious laugh, his genuine warmth. They didn't make Shin's heart race the way Xander did, didn't make him feel alive the way Xander did.

One Friday night, after a particularly disastrous date, Shin found himself at a party. The music pulsed, the air thick with the smell of sweat and cheap alcohol. He downed shot after shot, trying to numb the ache in his chest, trying to drown out the incessant whispers in his head. Who is he? Who is he? Who is he?

The room spun, the faces around him blurring into an indistinguishable mass. He stumbled out onto the balcony, gasping for air. The city lights shimmered below, a dizzying kaleidoscope of color. He leaned against the railing, his head pounding, his stomach churning.

He fumbled for his phone, his fingers clumsily navigating the screen. He found Xander's name, his thumb hovering over the call button. He hesitated, a wave of dizziness washing over him. What was he doing? What was he going to say?

He took a deep breath, steeling himself. He pressed the button.

The phone rang once, twice, three times. Shin closed his eyes, bracing himself for Xander's cheerful greeting.

"Shin? Is that you? Are you okay?" Xander's voice was laced with concern, a hint of sleepiness in his tone.

"Xander," Shin slurred, his voice thick with alcohol. "I... I need to tell you something."

"What is it, Shin? Where are you?"

"I'm... I'm at a party. And I... I realized something."

"What? What did you realize?"

Shin took a deep breath, the words tumbling out in a rush. "I realized... it's okay. It's okay if you're gay. I'm... I'm okay with it. I'll... I'll be with you."

Silence. A long, agonizing silence. Shin's heart pounded in his chest, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He waited for Xander's response, his stomach twisting with anticipation and dread.

"Shin," Xander finally said, his voice soft, hesitant. "Are you... are you drunk?"

"Maybe," Shin mumbled, his eyelids drooping. "But I mean it. I'll... I'll be with you."

He felt a wave of nausea rising in his throat. He swayed, his grip loosening on the railing. The world tilted, the city lights swirling into a dizzying vortex.

"Shin? Shin, are you there?"

Shin's phone slipped from his grasp, clattering onto the balcony floor. He slumped against the railing, his eyes fluttering closed. The last thing he heard before darkness swallowed him was Xander's frantic voice calling his name.

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