The Mountain Monastery

**The Temple of Questionable Serenity**

Master Long Jian staggered up the 10,000 Steps of Eternal Repentance (a name he now understood *deeply*). The monastery loomed above, its gates adorned with a sign: *“Welcome! (No Swords, No Problems, No Refunds)”*. Inside, he envisioned wise sages meditating on clouds, ready to shield him with ancient wisdom. Instead, he found **Abbot Fung**, a man napping in a hammock, snoring into a rice cracker.

**“Sanctuary!”** Long Jian gasped, bowing so low his forehead kissed the dirt. **“I seek refuge from my wife’s… *enthusiastic reminders*.”**

Abbot Fung cracked one eye open. **“We’re a *monastery*, not a marriage counselor. Try the dumpling cart downhill.”**

**The Monks of Minimal Effort**

The monks of Mount Neverhelp were legendary—for their laziness. Their motto: *“Why do today what you can ignore forever?”* Long Jian pleaded his case to a disinterested audience:

- **Brother Lo**, the “gardener,” who watered rocks (*“They’re mineral-enriched!”*).

- **Sister Peng**, the “scribe,” who transcribed sutras in doodles of cats.

- **Novice Ding**, who’d been “polishing the same floor tile for seven years.”

**“Teach me your ways!”** Long Jian begged. **“How do I evade the Iron Phoenix?”**

Abbot Fung yawned. **“Step One: Stop marrying people who own lethal cookware.”**

**The Trials of Terrible Advice**

To earn sanctuary, Long Jian faced the monastery’s sacred trials:

**The Test of Patience**: Listening to Abbot Fung’s 3-hour lecture on *“The Zen of Snacking”* (spoiler: it’s just crunching louder).

**The Trial of Balance**: Carrying a teacup of boiling water… while Brother Lo poked him with a stick. **“Distractions are life!”**

**The Meditation of Misery**: Sitting perfectly still as Novice Ding glued feathers to his head (*“You’ll blend in with the chickens!”*).

**“This is pointless!”** Long Jian roared, swatting feathers.

**“Ah!”** Abbot Fung grinned. **“You’ve achieved *Enlightenment of the Obvious*! Now leave.”**

**Mei Ling Arrives (With Snacks)**

The monastery doors exploded inward, revealing Lady Mei Ling, her ladle dripping honey (a “peace offering” that doubled as adhesive). **“Hand him over,”** she smiled, **“or I’ll redecorate your temple. *Permanently*.”

The monks, sensing free food, betrayed Long Jian instantly:

- Brother Lo pointed at the broom closet where he hid.

- Sister Peng drew a map of the monastery’s secret exits… in cat doodles.

- Abbot Fung offered Mei Ling his hammock. **“Want a rice cracker?”**

**The Great Bamboo Broom Escape**

Cornered again, Long Jian grabbed the only “weapon” nearby: Novice Ding’s sacred floor-polishing broom. **“BEHOLD! THE *WHIRLWIND SWEEP OF DOOM*!”** He spun, kicking up a dust cloud so thick the monks sneezed in unison.

Mei Ling swung her ladle blindly, smashing a statue of the “Goddess of Mercy” (**“Whoops,”** she shrugged). Long Jian leapt out a window, tumbling down the 10,000 Steps in a *literal* descent into madness.

As Mei Ling stormed off, the monks high-fived. “Best show in centuries!” Abbot Fung said, pocketing Long Jian’s abandoned sword. **“Next time, charge admission.”

By Author:

Thanks for Reading more episode incoming..

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***