Chapter 1

“Maria, Jefferson, our time is up.” Elias smiled into the DSLR camera, stationed on a tripod, just above the built-in webcam of his laptop. Along with the bright ring light that encircled it, they were the most important things he owned — at least to him.

“But before we part our ways, is there anything you think you should work on before we see each other again?”

The couple calmly expressed their thoughts one after the other. Elias was proud of their immense progression since the first session, with no more shouting over one another, never allowing their partner to speak.

“Excellent. I look forward to continuing this conversation next week.”

After Jefferson and Maria said their goodbyes and their part of the screen turned black, the smile on Elias’s lips died, and he sank back into the office chair. Absentmindedly rolling the pen between his index finger and the plastic back of the clipboard in his hand, he looked at the crisp recording of himself, staring right back at him.

He didn’t look bad — quite the opposite.

Natural platinum hair — the top of it playfully styled to the side, elegant yet strong jaw, and lips that were full and yet somehow still firm. The white dress shirt and the unbuttoned blazer of unintrusive navy-blue color, with the sleeves, rolled up to his elbows, were fitting his lean torso perfectly.

And atop of it all, his features seemed to be too lazy to age, making him seem closer to nineteen than twenty-eight. The condition was called neoteny, which was really just a fancy scientific term for cuteness.

No, he didn’t look bad at all. So then why were those gray, almost silver eyes, nestled above the defined cheekbones, so empty, so full of sadness?

“Because it doesn’t matter,” he muttered to himself.

Right then, the phone started to buzz on the desk, liting up. Catching it just before it would fall over the edge — he really should start being more mindful of where he was putting it — he answered the call.

“Naomi?”

The voice of his best friend since high school — and also one of the best surgeons in the city in Elias’s opinion — blasted into his ear. “Elias! You gotta check this out! It’s crazy! They’re—”

Cringing, he removed the phone from his ear — his eardrums felt as though they were going to pop. “Stop yelling, girl. Are you trying to kill me?”

“Oh, sorry,” Naomi quickly apologized, but the enthusiasm didn’t leave her voice. “Anyways, you really have to check this out.”

Elias brought the device back to his ear and placed the clipboard on the desk. “Check what out?”

He closed the video conference program and unplugged the cable and the Cam Link from the laptop. It was late afternoon, and Jefferson and Maria were the last couple on his schedule for today’s counseling.

The only thing left was paperwork, which he would do after the call.

“You’re still saving for a trip to LA, right? But it’ll take forever with your current pay, especially since you cant opt-in for crowded, cheaper options, you know?” she asked.

As Elias turned off the camera and the powerful LED light, a knot tightened in his stomach. Oh, he knew alright. After obtaining his hard-earned PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy, he had thought — naively hoped really — that things would change.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

But he didn't want to think about it. Not when there was absolutely nothing he could do to change his…situation. Instead, he took in a deep breath of orange-scented aroma, wafting from the diffuser on the shelf to his left.

Stay positive. At least, you have a job. Even if you are severely underpaid.

“That’s right. What about it?” he asked Naomi.

“You know that super luxurious hotel where all the celebrities and rich people go? Angel’s Haven? They’re doing a giveaway right now, and they’re going to have two main winners, each of them getting a trip to their hotel plus a two-week stay. Everything will be paid for, and I mean everything.”

“Come on, you don’t really believe this is real?” Elias chuckled. “It’s so obviously a scam. Isn’t the owner some nameless billionaire? Like, what? Are they just feeling generous? They definitely don’t need advertising. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard somewhere you have to book a year in advance just to get in.”

And yet, his hands moved almost on their own, sliding the mouse across the screen, then clicking and typing and clicking some more.

“I couldn’t believe it either, but I swear it’s real. Everyone’s talking about it, plus, it’s on the official website,” Naomi insisted, beaming from happiness, just as Angel’s Haven popped open before Elias.

Right there, on the front page, was a huge, modern banner, announcing the giveaway. Elias clicked on it. The sign-up page it took him to prompted him to connect his Instagram account if he wanted to take a part in the randomized drawing.

There were listed over a hundred prizes, most of which were merch. However, right at the top, just as Naomi had said, two all-inclusive vacations were boasting in a large font, with an explosion of shimmering golden glitter on a sleek, black background around them.

“You’re going to participate?” Elias asked, not really impressed. It wasn’t as though signing up for it would make any difference in his life. Even if the giveaway was real, the chances of winning it were close to zero.

“Already did. And I swear to god I’ll claw your eyes out if you don’t, too,” she threatened. “You want this, and I won’t let you lose an opportunity like this.”

Elias chuckled and clicked on that little ‘Sign up with Instagram’ button. “Okay, okay. I’m doing it. Just don't be disappointed when nothing comes of it.” He entered his personal information and finally clicked on ‘Send’.

“Okay, finished. Now…” He pushed himself back from the desk and stood. He stretched. “Since it’s Friday, do you wanna go out later? I was feeling like maybe going to The Broken Lipstick.”

It was their favorite night club in Philly, always so lively and full of energetic people. Especially now, in July.

“Yeah, I’d love to!” Naomi exclaimed, excited. But then, her voice changed to one of uncertainty. “Uh… Actually…”

Elias’s heart sank to his stomach. He forced himself to smile. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. You must be busy with the hospital.”

“That’s right!” she quickly grasped the lifeline he was offering. “I’m on call. I wish I could go out with you, but you never know when I’ll be needed. I mean, accidents can happen anytime…” She trailed off.

That’s bullshit and we both know it. Just yesterday, you told me how you’ll be working only the regular schedule for the following weeks, Elias thought, but said, “Of course, I completely understand. Some other time then?”

“Yeah, definitely!” Elias could almost see the olive-skinned girl nodding vigorously, the long chocolate waves of hair bouncing around her shoulders with the movement. And he believed her.

Because he knew her. In due time, that promise would come true.

The thought of going to the club now abandoned, he called his father right after ending the call with Naomi. However, that conversation, too, ended on a bitter note.

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Jeremy asked, his anger clearly heard in his voice. “I would rather sell my soul to the devil himself than let you anywhere near Jem. He’s terrified of you, and for a good reason. I always felt that there’s something wrong with you, and I’m not talking about the fact that you…you…”

He almost choked.

“Like men? Bat for the other team? Am gay?” Elias helpfully offered.

“Yes, that. I— I don’t—” More choking sounds followed, to the point of Elias entertaining the thought of calling the ambulance to check on him. “I don’t care about all that. You know, it’s your choice and you’re an adult. You can do whatever you want.”

Not really a choice. But Elias didn’t have the energy to argue about it. Again.

“What I'm trying to say, is that there’s always been something diabolic about you. If you weren’t my own flesh and blood…” Jeremy trailed off. “No, forget it. Just don’t try to contact me or my family ever again.” He cut off the call, leaving Elias with the sad beeping sounds in his ear.

Jem is my family, too. Elias ran a hand through his hair and bit on the lower lip in frustration. He’s my little brother.

Distracting himself with doing the paperwork and then mailing it to his employer, he tried not to think of how much he missed being close to someone. Anyone. A friend. A family member.

Or — as the messages that greeted him as he later opened Grindr reminded him — a hookup.

“You a Dom?” one of the texts read.

Thumb hovering above the screen, Elias hesitated.

He knew exactly why the faceless man was asking him that. Looking for someone who loves danger and fun, was a line on his profile that he could never go without. He would gladly elaborate exactly what it meant if it didn't make him look like a serial killer.

“Yes, I am. Do you want to meet up?”

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