Episode 4

"Alyssa Bennet narrating"

It is indeed very difficult to have to try to draw strength from where you have none to keep on living... when the person who filled you with life is no longer by your side.

I remember how I still held onto the hope of waking up and it all being just a nightmare, like the ones I had when I was younger and my mother would wake me up smiling while whispering that everything would be alright.

But I've had no other choice since then. My father and I grew closer, he became my best friend, and I think that's not very easy for him, since I used to wake him up in the middle of the night because I was always tormented by anxiety attacks that wouldn't leave me in peace, and just hearing his voice calmed me down.

So, this was my life after my mother's death... just surviving, I would say, since everything felt empty, as if she had taken the colors with her, leaving me in a white and gray world.

It was then that I met Luan... a handsome guy from college who was always flirting with me. However, I was always focused on my studies, but I needed to relax and, I don't know, maybe try to fill the void I felt.

We saw each other for three months, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. That's when I remembered the advice my mother used to give me.

Mrs. Beatrice. I remember how she hated being called that, since she never left her teenage side behind. She always made me smile with her advice; it was something like...

"Life is too short. Study, yes, daughter, but also enjoy your youth. In my time, when I was your age, I used to spend hours in the library, and at the end of the day, I always ended up in the arms of the librarian's assistant, three years older than me... And believe me, he was much better than the boys my age."

I used to smile and make a face because in the end my mind always ended up imagining the scene, and she would just say, "Life is too short, my girl, enjoy your youth because the adult world is very boring."

That was also one of the reasons I didn't have many friends; I didn't need them, since my mother was more like one of those slightly crazy best friends from movies and books, you know?

Anyway, because of this memory, I thought: why not? Luan was handsome... the sex was good, and I was just hooking up with him anyway. Putting a label on this relationship wouldn't change much.

So I accepted... And I ended up liking him more than I should have.

Everything was going well until, 5 months ago, I decided to go to his dorm room and I found him with one of the college freshmen on his lap.

I broke up with him. I went home having a horrible breakdown and called my dad, who, when he saw my state, almost rushed to my side... or rather, after Luan, to give him a good beating, which wouldn't have been such a bad idea, but I convinced him I would be fine and that there was no need for that.