IS IT WORTH IT.

Malaika’s POV.

 I rushed to work as I was late, I took a deep sigh as I thought about the head of stuff, tester of thy patience, as I liked to call her was going to have fun poking at me. That woman seriously didn’t like me, and I know it had to do with the fact that I was black. And also because unlike the Koreans who honour their elders by calling them Noona and Hyung, I called her by her name, she didn’t like me and even though I was tempted to dislike her I didn’t, God said to love your enemies, but this woman really tempted me to say a few choice words to her because of her racism.

In Leviticus 19: 33-34, God told the Israelites that when aliens lived in their land, they were not to mistreat them but to treat them as if they were native born and to love them as you would themselves because they too were aliens in Egypt.  And as far as I knew, next to black people, Asians too were subjected to a lot of racism. So to meet a black or Asian racist astounded me.

Jesus be the fence, I prayed as I entered pure chaos, today the boys were filming the dance choreography for their new song which I didn’t know because most of the time, my earphones were in my ears blasting gospel music to prevent m self from being sucked in by the secular. Do not do anything that could cause your faith to stumble.

 It had taken 3 weeks for the people here to realise I wasn’t one of those social influencers that came to hide cameras or spread rumours about the group, and thus they had opened up to me, I had talked to every member expect Hyunjin who I avoided very seriously. No offence to KKP, but I didn’t want to get mixed up with them on social media either. Having a job in the entertainment industry was risky when it came to your privacy. Even for me, having a following of 5 million people was no easy fit. There were fans that tried to get into my personal life that I managed to shut down because I kept my work and personal life separate. I was the girl that wrote Christian novels, manga’s, manhwa’s, manhua’s, poems even anime scripts. I also did cooking and baking on my channel as well as hair care, makeup and talking to people about God.

Not only that, but I had some very successful works and money was not a problem, so I understood why they had doubts about my work here, but remembering the true reason I begged for this job, I would not let my money stop me. It was easy for me to keep my personal life private because on my channel, I never let it stray from my work and God’s word. I was very strict about that, of course I told some of my life stories to share my experiences with believers all over the world but, I never shared anything too personal with the people on my channel, but for KKP, their work was to share most of their life while sharing nothing of it. They were to be perfect but human at the same time. Was this life really worth it?

 “Hi Malaika.” Chris, the group leader greeted, another Australian brother in Christ and a kind soul. I pray you find the Lord.

“Hi, are you the one I am working on today?” I said preparing everything.

“Yeah.” He sat and made himself comfortable.

“How was your weekend?”

“Oh, you know, work.”  He smiled, Lord guard my heart. “What about you?”

“Nothing much, I baked and went to church, nothing interesting happened.”

After I was done with the makeup and everyone was ready, they began to film, I put in my earphones as usual and watched. They had to do the choreography more than ten times in different angles, and it wasn’t until I noticed the cannula on Hyunjin’s that the baggy sweat shirt was supposed to hide on that the smile slipped off my face. I started to look around, Chris was breaths were so short I thought he was going to pass out, Minho kept massaging his neck, it was clearly strained, Changbin had collapsed of the floor taking deep breaths, Hyunjin was massaging his shoulder, there was something wrong, Felix and I.N were leaning against the walls catching their breath, seungmin was drinking water with an emotionless face and Han. Han looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, these guys were tired.

I then watched as they told them to redo the dance from the start because one of them had made a mistake, I could feel anger rising up inside me, was this life worth it? K-pop stars start training as early as 13 years of age, the endless work, the diets, the transformation to become completely perfect in order to be in the public eye and when you finally succeed you would think it would become easier but no. Welcome to your dream where you will no longer belong to yourself, your weight, what you eat, the colour of your hair, what you wear down to the expressions of your face were determined for you.

The fan service, the endless hours of work and practice, is it really worth it. I stood up and walked out as the music started again, I looked at the front of the company through the corridor window, yet another truck set by the haters for Hyunjin. The price of fame is not cheap, you are not to date, you aren’t to live a normal life and most of your life will be given up to your fans romantic fantasies.

Yes the fans the ones who you are supposed to practically live for, the ones who love you so much as long as you live according to their image of you, the ones who are for you one second and promise to be forever until something goes wrong, and they are the first to abandon you and yet your whole life is based off their opinions. Because how dare you have a girlfriend or boyfriend without their permission, how dare you cut your hair, how dare you live your life, don’t you notice it isn’t yours? Was it worth it?

Even though some fans really do love and support their idols, most develop this obsessive behaviour’s stalking, cyber bulling all this really takes a toll on someone. Leviticus 26:6 says I will grant peace in the land, and you will lie down and no one will make you afraid, would these stars ever experience that peace? Was it worth it?

 I blame the companies, it’s because of the images that they put out that influence people to expect these unrealistic sides from the groups they support, they desire perfection and leave little room for reality and thus people judge even the smallest of the group’s mistakes.

I took a deep breath and fell to my knees, it didn’t matter to me that I was in the hallway and anyone would come out of the room, I humbled myself and repented for the sins that they had committed, I thanked God for their lives and begged Him to save them. None of this would matter on their death beds and if they died before knowing God or took their own lives as many people in the K-pop industry were driven to do when they could no longer handle it, they would burn for eternity, I bowed my head and prayed that God would save them, there is nothing that is impossible with Him, so I prayed that He would deliver them from the hands of the enemy.

I then got up and left, knowing that this life wasn't worth it, not in the slightest.

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