Grief

Chapter 4

"Help, there’s a body at the shore!" The scream echoed in my mind, distant and fading. A cold breeze seeped into my body as I felt myself slipping away. Confusion washed over me. What happened? Where’s the Grim Reaper? Where’s Suri? My thoughts scrambled as darkness wrapped around me. Was it all just a dream?

The next thing I knew, I was staring up at a stark white ceiling. The sterile scent of antiseptic and the low hum of machines pulled me into reality. Panic began to rise as fragments of that wild, surreal memory replayed in my mind—dying, meeting the Grim Reaper, being given a second chance but in someone else's body. A deal I never expected I'll be making.

I tried to sit up, my heart pounding in my chest. The door opened, and a nurse entered, her demeanor calm and professional. She smiled softly as she approached. “Good morning! How are you feeling?”

“I’m… I’m okay,” I muttered, though I wasn’t sure that was true. I felt an unease spreading through me, as though my body wasn’t my own. “Can you help me to the restroom?”

She nodded and helped me stand. My legs felt strange, unsteady. Once in the bathroom, I braced myself against the sink, still shaken. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next.

I froze.

The face staring back at me in the mirror wasn’t mine.

My heart raced as the stranger in the reflection—Suri—looked back. I touched my face in disbelief, my fingers trembling. My scream broke the silence, echoing off the tiles and walls.

The nurse rushed in, startled by my panic. “Are you alright?” she asked, concern etching into her face.

I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe. “Do you… Do you know my name?” I blurted, my voice barely a whisper, but desperate.

She paused, confused by the question. “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name,” she replied gently, “but you’re safe here now. How are you feeling? Do you not remember anything?” the nurse checked on me again.

Before I could answer, someone burst into the room.

“Suri!” A woman’s voice, trembling with fear and relief, rang out as she rushed to my side. I stiffened at the sound of that name—Suri. The girl I had tried to save. The girl whose life I was now living.

“I was so worried!” she cried, gripping my hands tightly. “You disappeared for three days! What happened? Where were you?”

My mind raced. The weight of reality came crashing down—I wasn’t dreaming. The Grim Reaper had struck his deal. I was no longer Michelle; I was Suri.

“I’m fine,” I managed, struggling to keep my voice steady. “Just… a bit disoriented.”

The woman’s worried eyes scanned my face. “Disoriented? You scared me to death, disappearing like that!”

“I don’t know what happened,” I lied, the words tumbling out with a shaky breath. “I just… lost track of things.”

The woman frowned, but some of the tension eased from her posture. “I know that you’ve been through so much. I know that it's hard but please, don't give up on your dream. Please, if there’s anything you need—just tell me. I'll always be here for you. I'll make sure all your efforts won't be in vain and that you'll achieve your dream. We're already so close, Suri. You know, I got a call from the company yesterday. They said that you can finally have your debut!!”

I forced a smile, though panic roared inside me. She continued talking but I couldn't understand it as my head is filled with something else—the truth about the Grim Reaper, the deal, the impossible wish I had to fulfill. It sounded too insane, too unreal. And I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that this nightmare was real.

“I’ll be okay,” I promised, though the words felt hollow. “I just need some time.”

The woman gave me a long, searching look before nodding reluctantly. “Alright, but don’t shut me out. I’m here for you, okay?”

“Okay,” I whispered. But who’s here for me? I thought bitterly. I can't help but envy Suri.

”Stay here, I'll take care of everything so we can get you home, okay?” said the woman.

As she left the room, the weight of everything began to settle over me. This wasn’t my life. This wasn’t my body. I was a stranger in someone else’s skin. Suri’s life, I reminded myself. I had one year to fulfill her wish, or I’d vanish. Completely erased from this world.

My thoughts spiraled as I stared blankly at the unfamiliar surroundings. What about my body? What happened to Michelle?

I hesitated, dread twisting in my gut. I called the nurse back, my voice cracking. “What about… the other girl? Was there anyone else from the beach?”

Her expression shifted slightly, sympathy flickering in her eyes. ”Oh, yes, they found another young woman on the shore that night. Do you know her?” she asked.

My chest tightened painfully. That was me. The real me. And now she's gone.

“No,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. I'm scared. I don't think I'll be able to look at my own lifeless body. ”No, I don't,” I answered the nurse.

The nurse offered a few kind words before leaving me alone again. I slumped against the bed, my mind reeling. Michelle is dead. I'm dead. Yet, I have no one who will mourn for me. It's as if my death, my whole life, is nothing of value. It's so devastating, having only myself to grieve my own death.

A tear slipped down my cheek as I sat there, mourning for myself, grieving the life I had lost—fearing the life I hadn't even begun to live.

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