4. I Quit

''A lost student, a fresher at campus just as he is a newbie today. In retrospect, I often wondered to myself if I had any right to feel this much attraction towards someone I'd just met.

From the very beginning, I knew I should have avoided him. It's such a shame that then and now, I haven't changed at all. While he spoke to me, surprisingly, I caught the scent of soap from his body. I remember that day like it was yesterday. 

He wore me down to the last cell. Every fibre of my being craved to touch an innocent boy fresh out of high school, and just like before, he smelled of a different kind of soap when he entered my office and thoughts of him in the shower clouded my mind even whilst scolding him. 

As I recall, his skin was taut... It must feel hard to the touch. Still, this was not how I remember him. He used to carry himself lightly, as skinny as a twig, but now, I'm sure there must be a thudding sound with every step he takes. Who would have thought the shy boy would sprout up as such? The stuttering, timid voice had gained confidence... The white hat that made him stand out...

Marshmallow head...' Ari chuckled. 

'You still continue to take me off guard despite many years passing on, and even while I pretend to be okay, after what Mun had said about you, I find myself remembering the hate I felt towards you when you disappeared. 

Because of you, I forced myself to move on, failing to feel the same way with anyone else. You'd secretly torn a part of me and disappeared along with it. I felt dead in every relationship I got into. Perhaps if you hadn't crossed my path that day or even offered to help you find your class, maybe then, I'd have... -What am I thinking right now? 

Like a fool, I looked for you in everyone I met, even whilst in pain. I wanted no one but you because some of me still thought I'd meet you one day. Of course, I forgot you, but then, as if life is playing tricks on me, you show up and get my feelings mixed up again, looking much more handsome than before.

Aren't you just so cruel? Your body, jaw, breath, hair, eyes, lips...everything! I want them all to myself! Your mere existence is a nuisance, and discovering you look down on my feelings...

I hate you to the core.

Either way, there shall be no fraternizing with employees. Committing socially intimate acts with staff members is just asking for trouble, especially for someone in my position.'

"I can smell your impure thoughts, Ari." Mun appeared, peeping at the door of his friend's office. "Your cheeks are as red as they can get."

Embarrassed, Ari briefly tilted his chin up and then sighed. It was a relief it hadn't been another person. His eyes falling back onto his laptop screen, he scoffed bitterly. "Go away. I'm busy."

Mun laughed at his friend's coldness, a side of his character he'd grown accustomed to, then entered the office and shut the door behind him. "If you like him so much, just tell him. You didn't get your chance the first time and messed up the second time, too. Call him on a date, then ask him out properly."

"Can we not discuss this here? It's office hours."

"But it seems to be affecting you. If you want, I can transfer him to another department or, better yet, have him fired so you can once more pretend to move on."

"That's unprofessional. Besides, he has done nothing wrong to me."

"You just freak him out, and I don't blame him either. What you did that day, blurting out that you are gay, was indeed something. I would hide from you, too, if I were him."

Closing his laptop, Ari gave up chasing Mun away and looked up at him in the eye. "That day will be the most embarrassing moment of my life. Compared to your Statue of Liberty spectacle, yours is nothing. It's a good thing he is disgusted by me, so that means he won't be telling anyone a gay guy hit on him in the most awkward way possible. Though, I wonder. Hasn't he asked you how we knew him?"

"Perfect timing with that question. He asked me earlier today, and I explained the most relevant parts to him. Turns out he transferred schools because someone was stalking him."

"What?"

"Relax. I didn't tell him it was us. Well, technically, it was you. I was merely being a supportive friend."

"Way to throw me under the bus."

"He wasn't my love interest, so like I said, I'm a supportive friend."

"Who should be at his desk at this moment? And stop being so sly at work with me. People won't take me seriously."

"They do. It's only your crush that appears rather dissolution. He seems like a diligent worker and is hands-on with whatever task we hand him. You are the only indecent human being in this entire department, having caught you daydreaming about whose naked butt you'll shove yourself into."

Ari sighed again, opening his laptop back up once more. "I should have known to never take you seriously at giving a decent advice."

Mun giggled. "Oh yeah?"

A knock on the door surprised them both, and Mun turned to look at Ari. "No one ever approaches your door, or are you expecting anyone?"

Ignoring his best friend, Ari inquired, "Who is it?"

A slight hesitation occurred before the person identified themselves, and Ari asked them to come in. To his surprise, Rey stood behind one of the new recruits Mun had selected to mentor. However, it was Rey that caught both Mun and Ari's attention. They looked at each other and hoped they hadn't been too vocal during their discussion.

"Rey," Mun was the first to speak. "I didn't know you were here too."

"I came on a personal matter; however, my colleague wanted to inform you about the constant ringing of the phone on the desk..."

"Oh, right!" Mun rushed out with the other new staff. "I was expecting a call! I'll chat with you later, Ari!"

"Don't neglect work next time!" Ari responded, hiding his false confidence with the scolding remark. Now, it was just him and Rey. "Do you mind closing the door behind you?"

"I mind."

'Of course, a homophobe would.' "How can I help you."

"I came to place in my resignation."

"Resignation?"

"Whilst applying for this job, I had an existing application elsewhere, and I've been presented with a better offer than the one I'm currently receiving here."

'Yea,h right.' "Alright then. May I have your resignation letter then?"

While walking towards Ari, who'd extended his hand to receive the letter, Rey further explained, "I have sent a soft copy to the human resource department, and CC'd you. However, seeing that I'm in this department, it is only fair to submit my resignation to you in person.

"Then why don't you?"

"Pardon?"

"My hand has been dangling in the air, but you aren't placing the letter on it. Or do you find me repulsive enough not to want to touch anything I might touch?"

"I... I'm..." Rey hesitated, then immediately retracted his hand. "This has nothing to do with that."

"I can see right through you. It's obvious your disgust for me has pushed you to this decision. My guess is there is no job offer you have received. I have a few networks around the area, and I happen to know we were the only company hiring for the last three months. If I'm wrong, hand me your resignation, but if I'm right, then have the capacity to stomach working with people you don't like. This is work, and having said that, you are here to perform, and my sexual orientation has nothing to do with how I work. If you can not separate your feelings from your career responsibilities, then I have no choice but to fire you without a recommendation. You barely completed a week, yet you wish to resign over what? Your boss being gay?"

"T-That's not..."

"Mr. Rey, say a major client is gay or part of the LGBTQ community. Will you fail to close a deal because their sexual orientation repulses you? Are you unable to distinguish work from your personal opinions?"

Rey remained silent, unable to look Ari in the eye. He glanced at the white envelope in his hand, his hands sweaty from being thoroughly unmasked. Everything Ari had said was true, but still, he knew if he were to explain the misunderstanding from his perspective, it would only make things worse for him. 'It's the fact that I know you have some sexual attraction towards me that makes me uncomfortable. How can you like another man? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?'

"What is it going to be, Mr. Rey? My arm is hurting from waiting for your resignation letter."

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