Chapter 1

Ashlyn

I slammed my head on the table. Now I don't only sound crazy, I probably seem crazy to the people around me too, but no one knows me here so screw it. It hurts too much to care about what these strangers think of me. My chest feels like it's getting squeezed with my each breath. I don't want to go through this pain again. Plus, my head hurts. Not only did I drink several bottles of wine already, but I think I slammed my head a little too hard that my brain shook, "I think it's trying to compete with our heartache." 'Joker' me said in my head. It made me chuckle a little.

As I kept scrolling through my phone, my heart dropped and I almost threw my phone at the bartender as I saw a post of Silvia Anthanez with her "true love" she captioned. My painfully beautiful, perfect ex. "Can anything else compare to this pain that you've bestowed upon me earlier? Yes, the pain you're making me experience right now." I whispered as a tear ran down my eye. My head is ringing, too many thoughts are running through my head. But they're all panicking about one thing.

People will see.

I don't want to deal with anyone's bullshit right now, I put my phone on do not disturb and asked the bartender for a few more bottles. I come to this bar often, its popular so I usually don't see many familiar faces but this bartender seems to have grown familiar with me. We made small talk from the past, when I first suspected my ex was cheating on me and he was pretty helpful and kind. He was definitely pink. A genuinely kind soul that really won't hurt a fly unless they hurt him first. Someone once spiked my drink and what he did almost got him fired until I vouched for him. He doesn't know my as Ashlyn though. I told him my name was Lia for the time being.

I can't let anyone know that I am like this, especially after Silvia posted that shit. Silvia, my Sia. We dated for a year and a half before I caught her in bed with another man when I was supposed to surprise her for her birthday. "Happy fucking birthday you bitch." I still remember saying that. The image of them... together... she seemed really close and comfortable with that prick, while I almost waisted a year to be able yo even kiss her cheek. Was it because I was a girl? "Out of all the women in the world... Sia, my darling... did you have to replace me with a man?" I said as I teared up, the bartender handing me a tissue as the tears slowly fell to the table. Before I knew it, I was so dizzy that I would probably not notice if someone spiked my drink. This is dangerous. I never got this dizzy before, sure wine barely had much of an affect on people, and it only had 3% alcohol, but I drank maybe 10 bottles already.

"Well, what's done is done. I can't do anything about it." I scoffed, looking down at the bottle. The wine was purple, purple like Sia? No... Sia is more on the lavender side. This was darker, maybe it was plum? Or raisin... This more like... Mialenne. My first love.

She was a lot like Sia. It rhymed too now that I think about it... Mia and Sia. I chuckled to myself as I remembered my reaction to the first time I saw Sia and the last time I saw Mia. It felt almost identical. They were similar, their appearance made me feel the same butterflies. The beauty of Mia that I thought no one could beat had an equal, Sia. I didn't date Mia though, she was straight. And I suppose that's for the best. Friends to lovers is not a very good trope for me. I wouldn't want to lose a best friend for love like how I lost... One I would call my greatest love.

My greatest love, Zian. He was blue. Light blue. "Why are the people who hurt me so much so light?" I wonder as I went through my memories again. Zian... We hit it off immediately as friends. I taught him math and he taught me history. I hated the subjects he loved, and vice versa, I suppose that's how we grew close. Everything got ruined when we started to be more than friends. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, had my first kiss, my first date. He was my everything. He made me feel assured, and I believed he was different from everyone else because he was the only man that made me feel safe. Although we had different personalities, we still had similar hobbies. I wanted to marry him. But he grew bored of me, he thought I was tiring to be with and he lost interest. I tried to chase him when he left me, and the asshole stayed only to hurt me again, so I left.

We were only hurting each other in the end... But Sia gave me the comfort and happiness that neither of those two combined could top... I thought she was going to be my last love. I gave her everything I had. I was understanding, I gave her reassurance, I never let get in the way of our love, I prioritized her over everything, and yet I was still replaced with a dick. Literally.

A stray tear fell from my eye, "I want that comfort again. I want to go home. Someone, anyone please... Won't anyone stay? Of course no one would stay, why would anyone stay? I'm just a good friend, people will get tired of me anyway, I'm just so easily replaceable I can't be anyone's permanent and true love. I mean, I don't even know who I really am, why should I expect to love anyone or for anyone to truly love me if I don't even know who that is? It was my fault, I shouldn't have entrusted anyone to my heart, I should've kept some to myself, why can't I love myself? Who is that even? How do I love someone I don't know? How come I loved someone with a mask on and still got my heart damaged?" My thoughts are running wild, my head is genuinely starting to hurt.

As I'm left with these overwhelming thoughts, I suddenly see someone, something, a color in the corner of my eye. I didn't have a good eye. Literally, I'm wearing contacts right now. But I wasn't good with faces either. I couldn't really tell you who's handsome and ugly because I feel like I was cursed to see everyone as beautiful, I thought everyone was made equally until I saw his face. This guy had to be the son of Aphrodite. He had to be some type of model with that body. His hair is dirty blonde although I can't see his eyes too clearly. I should really get my eyes checked, my appointment was supposed to be yesterday or maybe it's the wine. Wait, where are my thoughts going? But anyways, there was one thing that was clear, and I could clearly see it. Yes, I guess the guy was majestic and beautiful but it was not the only thing that shocked me. He... He was green!

To be continued...

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