Page 4

I arrived at Hayden's house, my heart pounding in my chest. The door opened, and he appeared, a smile on his face.

"Hey, you made it," he said, stepping aside to let me in. "I was starting to think you weren't coming."

"Just got held up with some homework," I explained, following him inside. I glanced around, taking in the familiar surroundings.

"So, what did you want to do tonight?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

He shrugged, leading me towards the living room. "I don't know, thought we could just hang out, watch a movie or something." He grabbed the remote and flopped down on the couch, patting the seat next to him.

I sat down next to him, my heart racing at the proximity. Trying to ignore my feelings, I focused on the TV as he scrolled through options for something to watch.

As he looked for something, his shoulder brushed against mine, sending a shiver down my spine. I tried to ignore the contact and busied myself with looking around the room, trying to distract myself.

After a few minutes, he finally settled on a movie, and sat back against the couch, his arm casually resting on the back behind me. The opening credits started to play, but I could barely concentrate on the screen.

The warmth of his arm behind me was distracting, and all I could focus on was the way it was casually resting there. I could feel his body heat and the slight movement of his breathing. It took all my willpower not to lean back and sink into him.

As the movie continued, I tried to act casually, making small comments and observations. But inside, my mind was racing. Was he doing this on purpose, or was he completely unaware of how his presence was affecting me?

The movie passed by in a blur, all my senses focused on the man next to me. Every time he laughed or shifted his weight, I felt like my heart would burst out of my chest. I desperately wanted to make a move, to break the tension, but fear and uncertainty held me back.

When the credits finally rolled, I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. I had no idea what the movie was even about, all my thoughts consumed by Hayden.

He turned to me, a small smirk playing on his lips. "What'd you think of the movie?" he asked, his voice low and sultry.

I cleared my throat, trying to sound normal. "It was good," I managed to reply. "A bit predictable, though." I forced a laugh, praying that he couldn't hear the rapid beating of my heart.

He chuckled, his eyes locked on mine. "Yeah, Hollywood isn't exactly known for its originality." He leaned a bit closer, his arm still casually resting behind me. "But the company isn't so bad."

His close proximity was making it hard to think, and a small voice in the back of my head was screaming to just lean in and kiss him. But I knew I couldn’t. I didn't want to ruin this moment, or worse, our friendship.

Instead, I just smiled, not trusting myself to speak. His gaze lingered on my lips for a moment, sending another shiver down my spine. But instead of leaning in, he pulled back, stretching and yawning exaggeratedly.

"Man, I'm beat," he said, breaking the tension. "I think I'm gonna call it a night." He stood up, running a hand through his hair.

I felt a pang of disappointment as he stood up, announcing that he was going to bed. Without really thinking, I blurted out, "But I just got here..."

He turned to look at me with a puzzled expression, arching an eyebrow.

I quickly realized how desperate I sounded and tried to backtrack. "I mean, I was hoping to hang out a little longer," I said, trying to sound casual. "We don’t get to do this very often."

He seemed to mull it over for a moment, studying my expression. Then he sighed, sinking down onto the couch next to me again.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. We don’t spend enough time together lately," he agreed, leaning back against the cushions.

I felt a wave of relief wash over me at his words, grateful that he wasn't going to kick me out quite yet. I shifted nervously on the couch, trying to keep my distance and not give in to the urge to lean closer to him.

He leaned his head back against the couch, his eyes closed as he seemed lost in thought. After a few moments, he spoke again, his voice soft and contemplative. ”You know, it’s weird. We’ve known each other for so long, but sometimes I feel like I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

His words surprised me, and I looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?” I asked, genuinely curious. “Where is this coming from?”

He shrugged, opening his eyes and turning to look at me. “I don’t know… It’s like there’s a side of you that you keep hidden, like you’re not completely comfortable with sharing everything with me.”

I swallowed, my heart racing. Did he know? Did he suspect that I had feelings for him? I tried to keep my expression neutral, not wanting to give myself away. “What do you mean, a hidden side?”

He shifted on the couch, his leg brushing against mine as he leaned in closer, his eyes intense and searching. "I mean, I feel like there's more going on inside your head than what you let show on the outside. You seem almost...closed off sometimes."

My heart was pounding in my chest, the thought of him seeing through me sending a wave of nervousness over me. But at the same time, it was also a relief that he seemed to care enough to notice there was something deeper beneath the surface. I swallowed, trying to figure out how to respond.

"It's just...I have a lot on my mind, I guess," I finally managed to say, trying to sound nonchalantly. "School, friends, life...it all adds up, you know?"

He studied me for a moment, as if trying to gauge the truth to my words. “Yeah, I get that. But you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I’m always here to listen.”

I felt a pang of guilt at the sincerity in his voice. Here he was, offering support and understanding, and I was keeping this huge secret from him. But I also knew that I couldn't reveal my true feelings. Not yet.

I forced a smile, trying to hide the turmoil inside me. "I know, and I appreciate that," I assured him. "I just...I don't want to burden you with my crap, you know?"

He chuckled softly, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Milo, you could never be a burden. I care about what’s going on in that head of yours. If something’s bothering you, I want to know about it."

His words were so sincere, it made my heart ache. Part of me wanted to just spill everything, tell him how I really felt, but I held back. "It's nothing serious," I assured him, trying to keep my voice light. "Just normal, everyday life stuff. Nothing worth worrying over."

He didn’t look completely convinced, but he didn’t push the issue. Instead, he changed the subject, launching into a story about something funny that had happened at work. I listened, grateful for the distraction, but my mind was still racing with thoughts and emotions.

As he talked, I couldn’t help but watch him, taking in his every feature, his every expression. He was so effortlessly attractive, and it was taking all my willpower not to reach out and touch him, to show him how I really felt.

His eyes darted towards me, catching me staring at him. I quickly looked away, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. But he just chuckled, a small smirk playing on his lips.

"See something you like?" he teased, raising an eyebrow.

My heart skipped a beat at his words, and I quickly looked down at my hands, trying to hide my blush. "Shut up," I mumbled, but there was no heat behind my words.

He laughed, a soft, genuine sound that warmed my chest. "You’re cute when you blush," he said, nudging me with his elbow.

I rolled my eyes, trying to act nonchalantly, but his words made my heart swoop.

I felt a twinge of hurt as he teased me, a reminder of the rejection and discomfort he had expressed before. With a sarcastic tone, I said, "Thanks for rubbing it in. Why tease me after you've made it clear you don't feel the same way and that I make you uncomfortable?"

His smile faded, his eyes widening in surprise at my response. He seemed taken aback by my harsh tone, like he hadn't expected me to remind him of his rejection so bluntly.

After a moment of stunned silence, he cleared his throat and looked away. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice softer now. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I was just...teasing you, you know? Like I always do."

I nodded, but I couldn't help the bitterness that coated my words. "Yeah, I know. But it hits different when you know it's never going to be more than just teasing."

He looked at me for a moment, his expression unreadable. "Milo...you know I didn't mean to hurt you, right? I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable or like a joke. I just...I don't know how to act around you lately."

I let out a heavy sigh, my shoulders sagging. "I know you didn't mean it like that. But it still hurts, you know? To see you joking around and acting normal when I'm dealing with these feelings that I know you don't reciprocate. It's hard."

He was quiet for a moment, his gaze fixed on the floor. "I’m sorry," he said eventually, his voice quiet. "I haven’t been fair to you. I shouldn’t tease you like that when you’re dealing with all this. It’s just...hard to know how to act."

I nodded, appreciating his admission, but the pain was still there. "I understand that it's awkward and uncomfortable for you," I said, my voice laced with resignation. "I just wish I could turn off these feelings, make it all go away so we could just be friends without it being complicated."

He looked up at me, his expression filled with remorse. "I wish it was that simple, Milo. Believe me, if I could magically make these feelings disappear, I would. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship."

I knew he meant it, but it still stung. "It's not going to magically disappear, though," I said, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. "And I don't know how I'm supposed to move past these feelings when you're always around, reminding me of what I can't have."

He sat forward on the couch, resting his forearms on his thighs. He looked like he was mulling over my words, like he was trying to find the right thing to say. "I don’t want to make things harder for you," he finally said, his voice quiet. "Maybe...maybe we need some space, some time apart for you to process everything."

I felt a pang of dismay at his words, my heart clenching. The thought of being apart from him was painful, but at the same time, I knew it might be necessary. "Yeah...maybe that’s for the best," I replied, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

He nodded, though he looked just as unhappy as I felt. "I don’t like the idea of being apart, but I think it’s what’s best right now. You need time for your feelings to fade, and I need time to figure out how to act around you without making things worse."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to keep my voice steady. "How long?" I asked, my gaze fixed on the wall across the room, too afraid to look at him.

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I don’t know. A few weeks, maybe? Just until things feel less...heavy between us. I’ll give you your space, but I'm still your friend, okay? I don’t want to lose you completely."

He let out a long exhale, the weight of our conversation hanging heavy in the air. "Okay," he repeated, his voice laced with regret. I could see, he didn't want this distance either, but it was necessary. For both of us.

We fell into a silence after that, the only sound the distant ticking of a clock on the wall. I could feel his gaze on me, but I kept staring straight ahead, not ready to look at him yet.

Eventually, he stood up, stretching and letting out a sigh. "I should probably head to bed," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "It’s getting late."

I finally brought myself to look up at him, my heart aching at the sight of him. His usual smile was replaced with a weary expression, and I could tell he was struggling just as much as I was. "Yeah," I agreed, my voice barely above a whisper. "Sleep well."

He nodded, giving me one last glance before disappearing down the hall. I listened to the sound of his footsteps receding and waited until I heard his bedroom door close before letting out a shaky exhale.

The reality of the situation was setting in, and it hurt more than ever.

I slumped back against the couch, my mind replaying the conversation over and over. The pain of being apart from him was like a knife to the heart. I closed my eyes, letting silent tears escape and run down my face.

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