Delusions?!

Ali had done many things to get Carcel’s attention, many of which are lowkey embarrassing. For example, as Carcel sits behind Ali in one of her classes, she would often stretch her arms or her head just to get his attention. Ali thought that this was a way to seduce (?) the man.

Another example is when she passes by him in the hallways of the school. How Ali would purposely make her voice come out louder, or how she will intentionally say (un)funny things and laugh out loud.

She admits, she’s a bit obnoxious at times, but she honestly just thought that what she was doing is something that a lot of guys will find cute. But alas, her singleness has proven her otherwise.

…

As Ali sits in the cafeteria chatting with her friends and eating her lunch, she couldn’t help but notice Carcel and his group of friends looking over her table, and as she glances from Carcel’s friend and to another, they all start laughing. Not in a bullying way kind of laughing, but in a teasing way kind of laughing, and what’s even more odd is the fact that Carcel was blushing.

‘BLUSHING?! Who am I kidding? I’m being delusional again’ Ali’s mind started running wild. If her hunch is correct, then maybe… maybe she might just have chance?

I mean, a girl can dream.

Unbeknownst to all her friends, Ali started turning a pinkish tint, she really couldn’t afford to be found out now. It’s not like she doesn’t want people to know that she had deep feelings for Carcel, she’s just afraid of people judging her, and maybe him or them if they actually end up dating each other.

Growing up, Ali had always been compared to her cousins. She was never criticized for her academic performances (her brain is all that she has), but rather, she was degraded for her physical appearance. Growing up, she would constantly hear the words “You’re too fat, you should stop eating” but it will then be followed up with the question of “Why aren’t you eating?”. She spends so many nights crying herself to sleep, she would always question how or why she wasn't enough. Growing up in an Asian household is hard and painful, but constantly being belittled in front of your face is a whole different layer of insecurities added on top of the already overflowing cup of insecurities she had. You could imagine just how much she downplays herself.

Ali chose to keep silent and just observed Carcel and his friends while listening to the conversations happening in her table. A couple of minutes pass by and Carcel and his group of friends had finally left the cafeteria. She breathes a sigh of relief. She hadn’t noticed that she had been trying to hold in her breath all this time, fearing that if she breathed too loudly then someone might point out that she had a silly little(massive) crush on Carcel.

Noticing her quietness, her friend Xana asked if she was alright, which Ali replied with “I’m okay”. But in truth, she’s been overthinking these past few days. She had heard from one of her other friends that Carcel had admitted to liking a girl, she didn’t know who the girl is, but she’s just hoping that it’s her.

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