hope huh???

Date : 14 January, Sunday

Today school is off the day was pretty ordinary..except a few parts..like this may be really small matters to you but they hold great importance to me....you know hare is some suggestions from a random girl..

"Never give hope to someone if in the you are gonna be like I never said that."

" Never make a promise to someone if you even have the slightest doubt that you may not be able to fulfil that promise."

Because you know when give that dying soul that little bit of hope that's what we cling to for survival..that one promise ..that one promise that " I'll be happy again " is my hope ....no matter how small that promise is belive me when that gets broken it really does hurt.. it's hurts alote ..

There were some things I have been looking forward to for a few years now...

I'm really looking forward to it ..planning it all out getting all excited... you know what's the worst part is when all this was happening may parents didn't even say anything If anything they were like "yaa keep hopping keep dreaming everything is gonna happen just the way you dreamde about it " and today they just said that " No Noo we never said that" this isn't the first time you know they are saying something like that like for example..

My Mom and we got into small argument it was mainly about my brother irritating me..then out of nowhere, she said

Mom: I regret giving birth to you!!

My world my thinking everything just stopped right there my mind was like she said lot of things to me .. before like " you jinx !! The way you cry, you're gonna bring misfortune to this family. "

Or "the way you are, I'm pretty sure one day you'll starve to death! " or " When you go to your husband's house, he will throw you out after using you once !!! Then you'll come crawling back to us. " Many, many more. I always justify this by saying to myself that " their my parents they are just disciplining me. "

But today after they again said " we never said that" like everything was A LIE!! I'm just going mad and hallucinating everything!!! .... it just hit me. Yk, a sudden question popped up in my mind... Is this what parental love is supposed to feel like??? Is this how everything is supposed to be?? If it is... then isn't it better to be without our parents?!! Isn't it better to just die?!!!

now don't get me wrong I'm great full to god and my parents , to my parents for giving birth to me , giving me a home to live in, giving food and clothes....which ik lot of people don't have the privilege to have.....but in the I have just one question....is this how love.. parental love is supposed to feel like???

I don't have the energy to write more.....

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