Chapter three

You had a lot of time to think about the event that happened.

You felt too unsafe to sleep so what you meant is that you have the whole night.

You wanted Jimin to stay because...

...You hadn't had anyone care for you or help you. Especially not in a life or death situation.

It felt nice.

You have been longing for affection. For someone to care for you and love you. But that time hasn't come yet. And probably won't.

That's the thoughts that run through your mind the whole night.

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Most of the day has passed.

It's 18:47.

He still hasn't come.

You look outside the window you're on the first floor.

Yup, you guessed it. You will try to escape.

They probably thought you're too weak to climb. But NOP. You have gone through much worse, and you could finally move your shoulder.

And your wound is bandaged and cleaned so it won't be that bad if you'd escape...

...Right?

You grab the clothes that you wore when you got taken to the hospital and put them on.

Your shoulder hurts a little but it's no big deal.

You open the window and jump out.

The landing could have been better, but you survived.

There are some police officers around but since you aren't in the hospital gown they don't suspect a thing.

You decide to take the long way home.

AROUND the alleyway maze.

You live with your parents.  The house is huge. Because they are quite rich but they almost are never home.

That's why your life resembles the saying...

              ...Money can't buy everything

It can't buy happy memories. It can't buy you a good friend. It can't buy you loving parents. It can't buy you, love. It can't buy you a loving family.

It can't buy you anything that you need in this life.

You open the large front door. "I'm home." You shout.

You know no one will answer but you still liked to do it so you felt at least a little bit loved. Like someone would respond with "Hey sweety." or "Good. I just made dinner!" or even just a "Hello" would do.

You grab your sketch pad and car keys and decide to leave the house. It's too depressing to stay there.

                             --------------------

After an hour drive. You stop your car near a forest. You lock your car and with your headphones and sketchpad enter the deep forest.

There is a place in the forest you came to if you ever felt sad, depressed or just wanted some time alone.

There is a tree that you usually climb that is on a cliff next to a beautiful lake. There is this one thick branch that if you walked to its end you were over the lake.

You never liked the feeling of adrenaline but walking on the branch and being over the edge and the only thing stopping you from falling was your own balance...

...It made you feel at peace.

Weirdly enough.

You finally made it to the tree and climbed it. Quite painfully. You sat on one of the branches supporting your back on the trunk.

You put your headphones in and started the songs. You always played them at random. It made it different. You never knew what would play next.

You opened the sketchbook and grabbed your pencil.

Then your favourite song started to play.

"The truth Untold." ( I would advise listening to this song while reading. And yes she does listen to BTS songs. She just isn't a hardcore fan or a sasaeng.)

Whenever this song would start to play you would put your sketchbook down and hug your knees.

The song was filled with so much emotion on.

You stood up and walked to the end of the thick branch that hovered over the ledge.

Is life worth it?

Is there anything coming for me?

Will I find happiness?

Will anyone love me?

The questions repeat in your head as the song plays.

It’s my fate

Don’t smile to me

Lie to me

Because I can’t get closer to you

There’s no name you can call me

You know that I can’t

Show you me

Give you me

I can’t show you a ruined part of myself

Once again I put a mask on and go to see you

Would the jump kill me?

That's the last question that you think of before your mind goes black and empty of thoughts.

You just look down at the water. Your world has stopped but the song just keeps playing. As you look down into the water.

Bloomed in a garden of loneliness

A flower that resembles you

I wanted to give it to you

After I take off this foolish mask

But I know

I can't do that forever

I have to hide

Because I'm a monster

I am afraid

I am shattered

I’m so afraid

That you will leave me again in the end

Once again I put on a mask and go to see you

What do I have in this world that could keep me from jumping?

My family?

They won't care.

My other half?

It doesn't even exist.

Happiness?

That doesn't also doesn't exist.

Money?......

.... that is just a privilege that will lead you to nothing. Nothing that everyone is looking for in this world. Because people long for love. And I don't have that.

Jimin?

Your mind stops and so does the song.

You take a few steps back.

"Maby not today." You hit your back against the tree trunk as you sit down.

You grab your pencil and start drawing the beautiful scenery that is in front of you. You have drawn it so many times but it still is so breathtaking.

                            --------------------

The sky slowly turns pink mixing in with yellow and at the top purple and then to a dark blue colour.

It's so beautiful.

You jump off the tree and go back to your car. Once you reach the car the sky has already turned completely black the only thing lighting it is a thousand specks of white......

.....the stars.

Maby that's what kept you from jumping. The beauty that is around you. The thousand starts the sunsets and sunrises. The beautiful lakes and the oceans.

You want to enjoy it someday with someone, you will love. To share these moments that are filled with the beauty around...

... Or maybe...

... it WAS Jimin. He risked his life for yours. You couldn't just kill yourself the next day. Because he would have risked his life for nothing. For a life that would have ended in suicide the very next day. And he would recognize your face in the news. That would hurt him. And you didn't want to hurt him.

So maybe... Maybe I should wait until he forgets me.

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