My Past....

My trauma, plus poem

My story begins when I was three or four, I don't remember... but I was younger then. It was a sunny day near the end of summer...

Me and my brother and I were to stay at my babysitter house. AKA, my cousins house... she had three sons....(I'm not telling the name bit ill but their first letter in their name.) M was the oldest, L was the middle child, and there was E.... the boy who bullied me and my brother.

Mom paid B (my great cousin, on my dad's side, who is also a monster) $100 for each kid. We were poor for years. B would leave us in a strangers care, and her sons care too. When we were sick, she'd still wanted mom to pay her money. Dad would buy expensive stuff on top with us going to school.

One day was sunny.... but I had a bad

I'm feeling but ignoring the fact. Later that day, my whole life changed.... I was never normal ever again. M was in football practice, so he didn't know the whole situation. I was nearly raped by my cousin, both boys, BTW. I could not escape, but luckily they never hurt my brother, he was in a different room at the time... They took a gun to my head with a knife to my neck. I thought I was going to die as a three-year-old. But that's all I remember, I told mom about the weapons, not the other issue.

I could not tell mom nor my brother and my dad... I bottled it up inside for years, I felt pure guilt. Not only that, but I was alone and shocked. Likewise, I was traumatized, I could not make friends... my peers would not understand me. Furthermore, I was bullied for that reason for 13 years, alongside depression and was isolated from my brother.

Later, my parents divorced because my dad was cheating on my mom threw marriage. He remarried her in 4 months. They had a child but departed the child. He was afraid of keeping three kids and mom founding out. But I know that child is somewhere happy and free.

Then, a year after that, my cat passed away. His name was Pumpkin and orange Cat, and he loves me petting him and purrs loudly. Unlike his brother Sparrow. He's quiet and doesn't like to be cuddled. I love both cats dearly.

Later this year, my mom found her love, her childhood friend who has had a crush on her for years and still loves her. He's kind and involves me and my brother in opinions and family fun, I was never given that treatment. My father disliked my brother. Every time my brother was kicking his legs, dad would hit his feet on my brother. So I would sit in front of him beside my brother, who is in front of mom. Every seat in a restaurant we sit like that not once then we sat differently. He kept us in separate rooms for 13 years before the divorce.

This year, I told my family on my mom's side about my trauma. They only know a part of it. I needed to tell them for years now, but I need to tell them as a while, I can't tell my grandparents on my dad's side nor himself.

Simple and Clean

When you walk away

You don't hear my say "Oh, baby, don't go!"

Simple and clean is the way you are making me feel tonight.

it's heard to let go

you are giving me too many things

Lately, you're all I need

You smiled at me and said

"Don't get me wrong, I love you" "But does that mean I have to meet your father?"

When we are older, you will understand.

What I'm meant for what I said

"No, I don't think it's that simple."