Chapter Four//Seven Days

CHAPTER FOUR

After waking up feeling gloomy, I wasn't really up for coming to school. I didn't want to face Hannah, and I needed to clean up our living room for a bit. I grabbed my phone like I did every morning and turned it on.

Grayson: Good morning!

Amber: Morning, Grayson!

Grayson: See you at school?

Amber: I'm just going to stay home today.

Grayson: Why? Are you okay???

Amber: I'm alright, just not feeling well today.

Grayson: Well, you're coming over to my house then. I'm not letting you sit around all day.

Amber: Ugh. Fine. Send me your address and I'll be there in an hour.

I headed downstairs, setting down the Tylenol and water next to my mom like every morning. This time however, she'd fallen asleep on the floor.

*****

I knocked on Grayson's door. While I waited for him to answer, I looked around. He lived in a two story brick house. It was so much nicer than mine.

Finally, the door opened. I was greeted by a smiling Grayson.

"Hey, Amber. Come on in." I kicked off my shoes and looked around. The floor was clean. It was made of dark, shiny wood. Down the hall I could see how neat the kitchen and the living room was. They were an ordinary, happy family. I wished I had one.

After an hour of hanging out in his room, with the door open since that was the rule, he decided to make me take him to my house. "Grayson, that's a bad idea." I shook my head. "Why?" He asked, "My mom… she's an alcoholic. She's probably still on the floor passed out. Our house is literally trash because she doesn't do anything besides drinking. Her non-alcoholic level has been off the charts…" I pushed myself together, waiting for his answer. "Amber, I'm not going to judge based on the state of your house is. That isn't your fault."

I decided to let us stop by my house, since I did in fact forgot my phone there anyways. Once we arrived, it just made sense to stay there.

My mom had luckily gone out and wasn't passed out on the floor. She was most likely with her 'boyfriend' who's really more like a ****-buddy. I haven't met him, but in all honesty, I'm glad she met him. He pays our rent in exchange for… her.

Although my house is trashed, my room definitely isn't. It's actually really nice. The walls are painted grey and the floor is made of wood. There are two old dressers that I painted white, one with a mirror. My room is the only room in the house that was still being taken care of and looked after, just like every other room before my mom changed.

*****

"I shoulder head out, Amber." He said kindly, "Okay. I'll see you at school tomorrow." I walked him to the door. He surprisingly hugged me goodbye and left. And then reality came crushing in. I went back to my hopeless, sad state and just sat on my bed crying.

I thought about what Hannah said to me, and about how mom didn't care about me. I thought about everything.

And then I walked towards the bathroom and pulled out a blade.

I sliced my wrists. The tears wouldn't stop.

I wiped the blood off the bathroom counter and cleaned the cuts, hissing slightly as the water poured down onto a small but open wounds.

I know I didn't promise Grayson that I wouldn't cut again, but I still felt guilty about it. Like I'd disappoint him if he saw them.

That's when I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't tell him. Although I knew he cared about me and wanted to help me, he just can't. I can't get better.

The thoughts wouldn't go away.

When I thought of myself, I thought of a broken girl who was too weak to continue fighting the battle that is her life. I saw a girl who was ready to jump, but was only being held back by one thing.

No.

By one person. And that's Grayson Anderson. He's like my anchor. He's struggling to hold me down to this world, but it's working. He was the only person who showed me he cared, even though it hadn't been very long. He stopped me from jumping, but it wouldn't be my last attempt. The thoughts kept clouding my mind with more reasons to step off that cliff.

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