Being In Love Is Difficult
What does making friends mean?
Boring. Phonies. Bitches. Suffocating.
Why do we humans even exist after all the damage done to poor mother earth and possibly create potential ones in the future that might further damage everything?
Hey, I'm Nami. Moon Nami. Female, 18 years of age and preparing to enter the second year of high school in South Korea. Well, I'm a transfer student and I basically travel around SEA for education but recently over the years, I've been planted in Singapore due to my parents work.
Before I begin my epic story on how one can repulse love so much without having to experience it herself first hand, I just want to point out that the chances of my story being romantically beautiful is pretty darn low. As low as my chances of being attached. Because he belonged to someone else. My beloved cousin whom I admire and love so much like my own twin sister.
I did love someone. He met all my criterias of an ideal type. Tall, funny, cunning, quick-witted and daring which I love and highly admire that energy. It was a bonus that he's hansome. Well, he doesn't necessarily have to be academically inclined. I loved him more than I have ever loved myself. That's kind of wrong. Yes I know with all that tiktok trend of how women should only change for herself but that's what you get as someone who has only been in love once and her first love goes to the wrong individual.
What does a soulmate mean to you?
Someone who is there for me at my best and at my worst. Someone who makes me a better person. It seems like a marriage rehearsal that reminds me of the choices I made up for myself and together with that person before reaching the final destination.
Nami POV
It's been exactly 10 years since I last left South Korea when my parents announced their jobs require them to be oversees. I've never really asked much about what they do specifically as it is a lesson taught in the family to not butt into other people's business too much. Avoids trouble and being called nosy. Arriving at the airport, I felt a rush of memories, feelings and senses of the country I originated from. The air smelled like your polluted city oxygen with bustling cars and busy humans rushing around.
It was one of the worse timings to arrive in the morning. Everyone was zooming to work, pushing and shoving around which ignited claustrophobia in me although I didn't have it but I guess this is what it feels like being claustrophobic. Being squished, loud train and bus noises and the sounds of heels and dress shoes hitting the ground.
I'm finally back and I hate it. I loved the food but I hated the people I mixed around and met with. It was hell. You might be wondering, how bad can an 8 year old go through being that young of an age. Well, anyone could be bullies. Anyone could be weak. Thet all depended on choices and I made the wrong choice. I chose to be weak and that was how I experienced being a victim and the day I left the airport to fly to Japan, it was the I lost my childhood. The day, I was convinced that everyone in the world was just as bad or even worse as the people I met in school. Its the 21st century and bullies existed ever since humans were planted on earth. I wished they burned in hell.
"Okay kids! It's your first day of school back in Busan. I darn hope you still remember how to read in your original language." My mother, Moon Lee Hwi shouted from her room while getting my younger brothers and I ready for our first day of high school.
"Aish, I forgot how eomma used to be so naggy in the morning when we lived here 10 years ago. I'm gonna miss overseas days." I complained while helping my youngest brother with his hair. "Well, that's 10 years for you and 6 for me so I don't remember shit sis." Yong Hwi joked while obsessing over himself through the mirror.
"You don't wanna move too much otherwise I might mess up you side parting and that's noona for you." I replied while pulling his hair aggressively. "Also, where's your brother?"
Yong hwa who was 2 years younger than me and 2 years old than Yong Hwi was already sitting by the dining table reading up on his transmigration manhwas that he catches everyday and night while munching on his breakfast toast and sipping on his chocolate milk as if he was a CEO.
Well, good thing he's smart or his current look might contradict his actions.
"Morning uglyass, get your eyes off your phone please. You're already blind enough." I said while walking over to sit across him as Yong Hwi takes the seat beside his brother.
"Alright jeez, its only 7 in the morning and you're already complaining. You ain't gonna find a boyfriend if you keep up with that naggy habit of yours. Eomma was lucky enough to have found Appa at 16, man. What about you?" Yong Hwa attacked
"I don't need no man and I sure hope that I didn't raise the both of you to be trash when our parents weren't home (like all the time except weekends)."
Thanks to my relatively good academic scores, I was able to remain in second year of high school without having to start from year 1. My brothers weren't far behind, hence there was nothing to be worried about except cleaning up their *** in school and at home when they get in trouble.
Eomma dropped Yong Hwi in elementary before driving Yong Hwa and I off at our high school.
"Have fun at school kids, I'll try to pick the both of you up after work otherwise it will be Appa." Eomma said while watching us get off the car.
"Okay, see you Eomma" Yong Hwa waved. "Oh right, help me say Hi if you see your cousins in school." Those were the last words Eomma said before driving off.
I took a deep breath before stepping into the school and saying my prayers that I'll show no mercy to bitches who tries to be funny with my brother or I and that I'm here to study and hopefully live my sweet 18 to the fullest.
Yong Hwa and I parted ways at the stairwell and I walked to class. Before reaching the door, the class was already loud as **** and I hated it for being able to hear it through my headphone music. I needed peace. I needed my quiet time and this was not it. I opened the door and walked in with my headphones on and not giving a damn about anyone. I looked around for seating arrangements and unfortunately there was no sign of any visible paper on the board. I felt the silence when I walked in and everyonr had eyes on me. Scanning through the class quickly for an empty seat, I met eyes with my dear cousin, Mi Rae who I kept in contact all these years.
"AAHH! Nami? Is that you? Omo Omo I missed you so muchhh!" Mi rae screeched across the class while running towards me and giving me a warm hug which I haven't felt in years. I hugged her back like a bear while replying I missed her too.
She helped make my introduction to the class a lot easier and with ease actually. I didn't have to go through that awkward shit of having to do the whole Annyeonghaseyo, Nami imnida etc. Thank, god.
I met all her friends and they see pretty chill. She told me about a party happening tomorrow night involving 3 of the year 2 classes and that I should come to celebrate their 5 weeks into year 2. Well, 2 days for me, I guess. Not that I hated partying but I loved drinking. I wasn't a drunkard and I drank responsibly. I loved taste testing alcohol but I disliked loud banging music.
Mi Rae and company spilled all sorts of tea to me on my first day of school as if I've known them for years. They warned me about bimbos, bullies, scandalous relationships between staff and student and also the infamous playboys of the school. I listened but did not cared much although I was in for the tea.
Following night
2 days into my new school, everything was pretty solid and the friends I hanged out with were my cousins which I was cool about it as long as nothing annoyed me.
The party was mistake. I knew it. My feeling knew it. My brain and heart knew it but I wanted to live my sweet 18 to the fullest. I didn't want to live life full of regrets and missed oppportunities. I live by the "experience at least once and never again if bad". Therefore, the party. I was familar with the place and road and made sure I knew the directions home in case my cousin decides to ditch me for who knows who.
The ohshitImessedup moment came when I entered those doors to the club that my cousin brought me to. The room was dim with blue and red lights and drinks were scattered around the place. I scanned the room and a tall figure looking male wearing full black in oversized black shirt and cargo jeans, standing among girls that looked like bimbos told me everything I needed to know. His height was at least a head and a half taller than me with a sharp triangle face shape with notable features such as his dazzling eyes, sharp nose, and broad forehead. His center parting with curve in the end was prominent and man was standing there like a bright shadow that was meant to stand out.
He was tall and scanning him felt like I was straining my head to look up head and back down low. Shockwaves hit this man like a meteor when our eyes met across the crowd. He blinked when made eye contact and never broke it. I didn't know what I was feeling at that time but I definitely felt off. I think I might have turned red. I knew this guy was bad news.
I fell in love for the first time in 18 years. The feeling of esctasy, excitement, clouds, butterflies whatever my brain juice could produce and comprehend.
I finally fell in love with the man I liked at first sight. But I fell for someone else's someone and I fell too deep.
Now, I feel suffocated.
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