Our Best Hope

I've been uh, thinking about Ricks plan." Shane began as we gathered around the truck.

"Now I've known this man a long time. I trust his instincts. The most important think we need to do is stay together. The CDC may be our best hope. So those of you that agree, we'll leave first think tomorrow morning." Shane said looking at all of us. The group dispersed and started heading back to their own tents as the sun was going down.

"Hey," Rick gently touched my upper arm. I looked up at him as he came to stand next to me.

"We pitched a tent for you. It's there near mine, Lori's and Carl, my son." I looked over to his line of sight and sure enough was a blue tent all ready to be slept in. I smiled at him taking in his blue eyes and how thoughtful he was.

"Thank you. Lori's a lucky woman." I said before I could stop myself. An awkward silence came over us and I backed away.

"I'm gonna get to bed early." I gave him an uneasy smile as we looked at me with an unreadable expression.

"I'll see you Grimes." I turned around holding my hand up towards him. I entered my tent and saw a rolled up blanket with my clothes and boots on one side and a couple of bottles of water. My backpack was also in here. Thank God. I opened it seeing the brown leather journal I had and wrote another quote inside I remembered:

"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

The famous words by Dylan Thomas are what I'm going to use to carry on and survive. I clutched the journal against my chest, it's like a small escape. A safe haven.

—

Rudely woken up by Lori at the crack of dawn. I tried combing my hair with my fingers and pushed it up into a bun so it would stay out of my face. I laced up my boots and stuffed the clothes into my backpack. I attached the knife to my belt and wrapped up my blanket whilst also taking down the tent. I saw the others were doing the same and about an hour later we had all eaten and were ready to go.

"Alright everyone. Keep the on channel 40 and keep the chatter down. Those without C.B, if you got a problem just honk your horn once and the caravan will stop. Questions?" Shane asked the group.

"We're uh not going. We have family in Birmingham and we wanna be with our people. I gotta do what's best for my family." Morales said. I was shocked, he was leaving us? I thought it would be safer if we stayed in the group.

"You sure?" Rick asked putting the hat on his head.

"We're sure." He said firmly. Rick and Shane handed him gun and a box of ammo to last them on their journey. The other members of the group said their goodbyes to his wife and children and they got in another car and left. The group was getting smaller and smaller and it started when I got here. I gulped.

There were 4 cars and the RV when we set out from the quarry carrying all of our belongings with us. Dale, Glenn, Jim and Jacqui in the RV ahead of us. Shane in his own car. Daryl, Carol and her daughter Sophia in another car. Andrea and Jacqui were with T-Dog. And I was sitting comfortably in the backseat of the car with Carl beside me and Lori and Rick in front. I watched as Lori held Ricks hand and both looked at each other and smiled, I looked back down feeling I interrupted a private moment. I pulled out my headphones and CD player from my backpack.

"What's that?" The boy asked from next to me.

"This kid, is a CD player. It plays music." I opened it showing it to him.

"Oh so you can listen to anything?"

"Sure if I have the CD for it." I explained, Just about to put the headphones on my ears when Carl spoke again.

"Is it true you're named after a star?" He looked up at me.

"My mom told me your name is Polaris." I glanced up at Lori in the front seat curiously who held my gaze and smiled.

"Well yes. My name is actually the North Star. No matter where you are in the world it stays in the exact same place, it's what travellers used to find their direction." I said and he thought for a moment.

"That's pretty cool. I wish my name was like that!" He said excitedly.

"Oh no I think Carl sounds way better." I said giving him a wry smile.

"You're not supposed to lie." Carl sighed looking out of the window.

"You heard the man." I glanced at Rick through the mirror who gave me a mischievous smirk.

"You know what is cool though?" I asked leaning over to get his attention.

"What?" Carl turned around to face me with a frustrated look on his face.

"Led Zeppelin." I grinned.

—

"And that one is called Stairway to Heaven."

"Super famous song." I said.

"I like it." Carl decided nodding.

"At least you have good taste in music." Lori piped in at the front.

"Not like Rick here who only listens to country." Lori teased him playing with his hair.

"There is absolutely nothin wrong with liking that genre of music." He defended but smiled all the same.

"It's good I didn't marry you for your music taste." Lori grinned at Rick who laughed. I felt my heart ache hearing him laugh at her joke. I was happy for him but it was upsetting knowing I'd never truly have that. Not with Rick or anyone else.

"Uh we got a problem," Dales voice came over the radio. The RV a good distance in front of us came to a stop and so did the car.

"Hey d'you mind keepin' an eye on Carl?" Rick turned around looking at me as I took one headphone out.

"Uh sure," Lori smiled gratefully and they both got out of the car to head towards the RV. Dale got out and was talking to Rick as they opened the front of the caravan which seemed to be held together by duct tape. Rick went inside the RV and a few minutes later Jim was carried out.

"Oh," I whispered silently.

"Come on Carl." I helped him out of the car and we walked towards the RV where now everyone was standing. Him was sat against a tree holding his stomach and his eyes rolling back.

"It's what he said he wants." Rick said hands on his hips. I caught gaze before I understand nodding.

"And he's lucid?" Carol asked.

"Seems to be." Rick replied looking back at Jim against the tree.

"We just leave him here? I'm not sure I could live with that." Shane shook his head.

"It's none of your choices. Either of you." I looked up from the ground between Rick and Shane who's attention was turned to me.

"If this is what he wants…" I trailed off.

We all stood around Jim who was sitting down looking incredibly peaceful. Jacqui leaned forward and gave him a quick hug.

"Jim do you want this?" Rick asked holding the gun.

"No you'll need it. I'm okay." He gave a weak smile then looked over to me.

"Hey new girl." Jim said as I leaned down in front of him.

"Hey Jim." I smiled.

"How you feeling?"

"Pretty good considering." Jim said before clutching his stomach slightly. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and pulled back slightly.

"Take care of them." He whispered. I looked into his eyes and nodded squeezing his hand. I got up and followed the group back wiping the tears that formed in my eyes.

"You okay?" Rick was walking beside me.

"Oh yeah," I chuckled.

"I'm fine. He just reminds me of someone." I smiled at the thought.

"What did he say to you?"

"To take care of you lot." I punched him gently on the shoulder.

"We'll take care of you too. I'll make sure of it." Rick said intensely and I nodded not being able to meet his gaze. Damn that man and his intense stares. I could just get sucked into those blue eyes. Lori was sitting comfortably in the backseat with Carl and gestured for me to sit upfront with Rick. Both of them soon fell asleep and we got to know each other a bit more.

"What's your favourite colour?"

"What are we in nursery?" I scoffed making fun of him.

"Don't tease," he glanced at me smirking.

"Blue". I stated.

"Blue like the colour of the sky?" More like the colour of your eyes.

"Yeah the colour of the sky." I gulped.

"What about you?"

"Oh forest green."

"Ah that's a nice colour. What did you want to be when you grew up?"

"I actually ended up being what I wanted to be. A police officer." He said looking out onto the road.

"I wanted to be an astronaut. Don't laugh I'm serious." I warned him seeing his face.

"Yeah I can actually imagine you up in space." He broke out in a wide smile.

"Oh yeah?"

"Definitely," I smiled back at him before clearing my throat when he stared a little too long.

"We're here." He said as we pulled up to a building which was littered with bodies around it. This was the CDC alright.

"You alright? You look like you've seen a ghost." I looked in the mirror and saw I had gone all pale.

"Fine." I gave a tight smile. We turned around to the backseat and saw mother and son sleeping comfortably. Rick and I looked at each other and smiled.

"Lor," he shook her knee gently.

"Hey Carl, buddy wake up," I shook his knee and ice blue eyes looked back at me.

"We're here." We all got out of the cars and the RV, everyone had weapons in hand and Rick handed me a gun which I took hesitantly. I held the fun up in position and Rick wrapped his hand over min standing by my side.

"Safety on. Safety off. Trigger." His hand hovered over mine and I could feel his breath next to me ear.

"You got this." He reassured before walking ahead. We were quick and quiet, weapons out to head towards the building.

"Keep moving stay together." Shane and Rick were at the front with their guns out scouting the area. Lori, Carl, Carol and Sophia were in between along with Andrea and I stayed close by them with my gun out scanning the area. Jacqui, Dale, Daryl and Glenn were at the rear covering our backs.

"It's okay Carol." I reassured the nervous woman next to me who clutched Sophia and was visibly trembling.

"Oh God." Glenn muttered from underneath his breath.

"We're almost there baby." Lori stroked Carl's hair as we finally reached the front door which had a security camera.

"Anything?" Shane asked as I pounded on the door. I shook my head at him.

"If there's no one here why are these shutters down?" Rick started pacing around the front nervously and continued banging on the door.

"Walkers!" Daryl called out and began shooting at them.

Glenn and Dale helped him fend off the Walkers as I kept Lori and Carl close by me.

"You led us into a graveyard! It was the wrong damn call." Daryl spat out at Rick as he continued shooting the Walkers.

"Rick this is a dead end!" Shane shouted trying to talk some sense into him. Its getting dark and we can't be this close to the city.

"Fort Benning's still an option." Shane suggested.

"That's over 100 miles from here!" I snapped at him.

"We gotta get out. Come on Rick." Shane put his hand on his shoulder. Just as we were turning away I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. The security camera was faced in a different direction. I looked at Rick who saw the same thing.

"Did you?" I asked him and he nodded slowly.

"The camera it moved." Rick pointed to show Shane.

"You imagined it man."

"No he's right I saw it too. There's someone in there." I said looking at the doors hoping they would open.

"Rick it's dead man. Automated movement." Shane tried to convince.

"Asshole! It moved okay!" I shouted at him getting Shane's attention and the rest of the group who looked at me suddenly.

"Now stop pretending like I'm not here and try and help figure this out." I turned around and suddenly was shoved by Shane.

"Hey!" I turned around pushing him off me.

"What's your problem man?" Rick said annoyed.

"She's my problem." He pointed to me.

"You just let her into the group not knowing who she is or what she did. She killed Amy! Let's not beat around the bush here, and more of our people could die around her. You really wanna keep Lori and Carl around her man?" He looked at Rick.

"Yes I do. She saved my life. Now look," Rick spoke to the rest of the group.

"Polaris is a part of our group now. She is a valuable member of this team and can help keep us safe. She's said herself she's made mistakes and she's sorry but she deserves the chance to redeem herself at least. Is everyone clear?" There were some nods around the group. I looked up at Rick and could not express the gratitude I felt towards him. He made me feel part of the group and like I could stay and survive with them. Tears welled up in my eyes, I had never felt this way before, that someone was willing to fight for me.

"Please I know you're in there we got nowhere else to to!" Rick said desperately.

"We've got women and children! No food or gas. Please." He said his voice breaking. Lori took his hand off the door gently and we were just about to leave when we heard the metal creaking of the door opening and we were suddenly covered in a bright light.

—

"Daryl make sure there's no Walkers." Shane commanded him as we all entered the building. The door came down quickly behind us.

"Hello?" I called out into the building.

"Hello? Anyone infected?" The voice called out over the speaker.

"One of our group was. He didn't make it." Rick looked down and took a deep breath.

"Why are you here? What do you want?" The man called over.

"A chance." Rick said looking up.

"You all need to submit to a blood test. That's the price of admission." He said lying down the terms of his condition.

"We can do that." Rick agreed looking at all of us who nodded enthusiastically. I fucking hate blood tests. I always faint and the thought of a needle going into my skin. I shuddered. But I'll take it over having to survive out there any day.

"You got stuff to bring in, you do it now." The man said before we heard the speaker close. The second set of doors opened and in stood a man I never thought I would see, I thought he had died. I tried to stop my shock from showing on my face but Shane saw my change in expression and narrowed his eyes at me. Shit.

"Rick Grimes." Rick introduced himself and us.

"Dr. Edwin Jenner." The tall blonde haired man said looking at us. We took the elevator down to a basement level the Dr Jenner ordered the computer to activate the room. It lit up and was surrounded by tables with computers, lab workbenches and chemicals stocked across endless shelves. This is the place I was heading to meet him.

"Where is everybody? The doctors the staff?" Shane asked him.

"I'm it. I'm all that's left. Sorry." He shrugged. In front of one computer desk were a couple of bottles of vodka and an empty dirty plate.

"So," Jenner said preparing a syringe.

"Who wants to go first?"

Turn by turn he took our blood and names and labelled them in samples not the workbench.

"You alright? You're looking a bit pale there?" Jenner tried to get my attention but I kept my gaze down.

"Mhm hm, just make it fast." I turned away and felt the prick as my blood was taken up into the syringe.

"Hey," Glenn was sitting next to me and I squeezed his hand keeping my eyes shut.

"All done." Jenner said and he put a bandage around it. I stood up feeling a little dizzy and Glenn steadied me.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"You survived for 6 months on your own killing Walker's but you can't handle a blood test." Shane scoffed smirking.

"Shane," I turned to him and smiled sweetly.

"I will personally take my knife and ram it into your skull if you don't shut up." I finished glaring at him. Rick laughed trying to cover it up with a cough and Lori had an undetectable smile on his face.

"So how long have you two been sleeping together?" Jenner asked looking between Shane and me. The others in the group started laughing whilst I went red.

"I'd sooner sleep with a Walker Dr Jenner." I huffed putting my hands across my chest.

An hour later we were sitting around this big table with Jenner serving us food. He was pouring wine in everyone's glasses.

"Uh not mine thanks." I stopped him.

"Suit yourself," he shrugged and moved to the next person.

"You don't drink?" Carol asked.

"Uh no."

"Why?"

"Just a personal choice." I felt uncomfortable with the amount of eyes on me so Jenner thankfully changed the subject.

"Woah none for Carl." Lori let out a dry chuckle.

"What's it gonna hurt? Come on." Dale argued.

"Eww," Carl said next to me taking a sip as his face contorted.

"I hear you buddy," I patted him on the back as we all laughed.

"That's my boy. That's my boy." Rick giggled looking tipsy. The whole group had a little too much to drink and were falling in fits of giggle and laughter.

"Here's to you doc! Booyah!" T-Dog raised his glass in a toast.

"So when are you gonna tell us what the hell happened here doc?" Shane changed the subject taking a long sip of the wine. Maybe he's not as drunk as I thought.

"All the other doctors that were supposed to be figuring out what happened, where are they?" He asked looking directly at Dr Jenner who looked uncomfortable.

"We're celebrating we don't need to do this now." Rick slurred slightly.

"Well, when things got bad, people left to be with their families. Then it got worse, the military was overrun so a lot of people bolted." he explained scratching his head.

"All of them?" Shane asked drinking more wine.

"Many of them.. Uh opted out. It was a bad time." He trailed off going into thought.

"Dude, you're such a buzzkill." T-Dog complained looking at Shane. And the others murmured in agreement.

"There are couches for you guys to sleep on. Rec room down the hall for kids to enjoy and if you shower go easy on the hot water." Jenner pointed at us leaving the table.

"Hot water?" Lori said excitedly.

"That's what the man said." Rick grinned. We all retired to the rooms with the couches in. Carol, Sophia and Carl were playing in the rec room. Lori and Rick were in one room, Shane and Glenn took the couches in another room. Dale and Andrea were in the room next to me. I opened the door to the empty room and saw two couches facing each other. I dumped my bag on the floor and sat down. Sighing I shrugged the boots off getting ready to jump in the shower before I heard vomiting from the next room. I walked off trudging my tired feet behind me and knocked tentatively on the door. Pushed it open and saw the bathroom door open in the room with Andrea over the toilet seat.

"Andrea?" I called out. I walked over to her and she was crying.

"That's it. Get it all out." Dale was behind her rubbing her back and holding her hair.

"There's nothing left Dale. Nothing. And this isn't the wine talking." She had tears streaming down her face. It changed to anger upon looking at me.

"What are you doing in here?" She narrowed her eyes and stumbled standing up.

"I just wanted to see, if you were alright." I said quietly.

"Well I'm fine. I don't need you here." She spat our venomously. I held my hands up in surrender and began backing out of the room.

"I'm sorry Andrea. I truly am." I said solemnly before closing the door behind me. I leaned against the door and sighed.

"Hey," a voice called out and Rick was standing there freshly showered. He walked towards me with a smile on his face.

"You can't possibly still be drunk?" I fought the urge to smile at him.

He held up the bottle of wine and grinned taking a swig of it he stumbled forwards slightly.

"Woah there Officer Grimes," I chuckled putting my hands on his chest to steady him

"Take it easy." I looked up at him and I saw his eyes darken. We were so close and I didn't want to pull away. His T-shirt was a size too small and showed off his biceps beautifully. My breath hitched in my throat as he brought his hands up to rest on my arms. I took my hands off his chest still staying close, wondering what could happen.

But it's not right. It's not right to Lori. I took a step back from him before I acted on a whim and did something I would regret. And if he knew the truth about what I did. He would never speak to me again.

"I need to go take a shower," I smiled.

"And you should sleep." I pointed at him.

"It's not my bed time yet," Rick thought for a moment and complained.

"Where you going then?" I said opening the handle of my door.

"For a walk." He called out and began walking off.

"Stay safe!" I shouted. He held the bottle up in the air in response with his back to me and stumbled along the hallway. I opened the door and closed it seeing Daryl standing in the room.

"Oh, Daryl!" I said looking at him as he stood unpacking his backpack.

"Oh I thought this room was empty, I'll go." He began picking his stuff up to leave.

"Wait a minute, where you going?" I asked.

"This is the last room with the couches."

"I'll just sleep out in the hallway or sumthin'" he shrugged.

"Don't be silly," I chuckled.

"Take the other couch." I gestured to the empty one which he was originally sitting on.

"Please Daryl I insist. We don't know how long it'll be until we get another nice place like this." He grunted in response and put his pack down. He took his boots off and laid down on the couch cleaning out his crossbow.

"You showered yet?" I asked him.

"No. You?"

"I'm about to."

"I'll go after." He said. I took the spare clothes and jumped in the shower letting the hot water rub all the grime and dirt off my body. My black hair was still short after the chop I gave it with the knife a month ago but it was growing out a little. After what seemed like forever I got out of the shower and put on clothes drying my hair as I came out.

"All yours," I said to Daryl who was reading a book.

"I'm sorry if I took a bit long." I grimaced.

"It's fine." He got up and went into the bathroom locking it shut. I'm gonna get that one to warm up to me. I smiled, Daryl Dixon was a low-key sweetheart.

After a while I decided to go to the rec room and see Carl and Sophia to make sure they were alright. I reached the outside of the room and heard what sounded like struggles.

"No no no no." I heard a desperate voice. That sounds like Lori.

"I love you, shh shh." Rick?

"No, no you're drunk." She continued. Maybe it was something private, I should leave them alone. I put my ear to the door and heard the table hit the wall. Okay. That's gross.

"I love you. I know there were some things but say you love me too." Shane?! Were Lori and Shane…?

"Shane. Shane! Just stop!" She sounds in trouble. I swung the door open causing them both to look my way. Shane was in the middle of unbuckling his trousers and was standing between Lori's legs who didn't seem to be wearing any trousers. I marched over to the other side of the room throwing Shane off Lori.

"She said no." I stood in front of her glaring at him angrily as he fell to the floor bottle in his hand. He looked up at me and rage filled his eyes as he stood up coming towards me.

"Why are you getting involved? This is none of your goddamn business!" Shane shouted pushing me but I resisted.

"Lori," I turned around seeing the scared woman behind me.

"Lori sweetie, go to your and Rick's room. It'll be okay." I squeezed her hand and she wordlessly left the room.

"You're trying to rape a woman and it's none of my business?!" I raised my voice at him.

"Look you don't know anything." Shane backed up slightly drinking from the bottle.

"Lori and me. We love each other okay. She just feels guilty. We were happy. Happy until you brought Rick back." Oh. So they were sleeping together.

"That gives you no right, apocalypse or not to make advances on her without her consent you piece of shit." I spat out at him.

"And I've seen you." Shane started pointed the bottle at me. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You've been making eyes at Rick. Don't try and deny it. Tryin' to seduce him with your british charm." I shook my head.

"These are ridiculous accusations and you have no proof. No proof. I don't know what the hell you're talking about." I crossed my hands over my chest not liking what he was getting it.

"And that doctor. You knew him. I saw your face when he introduced himself. You're hiding somethin' and I'm gunna find out what. Then rick won't want you in this group no more." Shane nodded his head vigorously.

"You've had a bit too much to drink Shane. I think you need to sleep." I walked up to him and gave him a right cross to his face. He fell down on the floor and knocked right out. I threw the blanket over his body and stepped over it leaving the room. I held my hand which started aching. My fist was slightly bloody and completely red.

"Well shit." I sighed trudging back to my room. Daryl had already made himself comfortable on the other couch and had two hands behind his head. He opened his eyes seeing me come in the room holding my fist. He sat up as I sat on the couch opposite him.

"You okay?" He looked at me.

"Uh yeah." Should I tell him? No maybe I'll take it up with Rick tomorrow, he needs to know what Shane really is.

"Did he deserve it?" Daryl asked pointing to my fist.

"Who?" I challenged him to guess.

"Whoever." He shrugged.

"Most definitely." I said smirking.

"Want me to wrap it?" Daryl asked holding linens in his hand. I smiled genuinely at him but shook my head taking the clothes.

"I used to box. I've got this part covered. Thanks though." He nodded and laid back on the sofa hands behind his head.

"Light off or on?"

"Off."

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