Why is it's always ME?!

IT'S been 3 months 19 days since I know my teddy bear. ummmm.... you may wonder who is teddy bear of course it's a name that I kept for my Jacaranda boy since I don't know his real name..... yeah I know that this is a little common for some one special like HIM..... But I have a reason for the name.

Actually most of the girls who taste biiter in their life , who felt loneliness even if there is like 100 people around them will understand my reason. They like to share their bitter experience to someone reliable so that their heart be at peace. And obviously most of them never haven't the courage to do so..... But they still cast out their worries do you know how? ...... They talk with their teddy bear. They may not cry in front of others, they may pretend to be strong in this cruel society..... But they will bravely cry in front of their teddy bear.... They will show their weak side to the teddy bear ...... They may not tell their secrets to others but they will definitely tell their secrets to their teddy bears...... I have never had a teddy bear since I was born but..... now.. I have the teddy bear *a l*iving teddy bear .....to share my worries , dark secrets , loneliness and odcourse my happy moments

NO matter how hard you cry in front of your teddy bear it won't respond.... no matter how loud you shout in front of your teddy bear it won't respond either........ do you know why ..?. because It can't see you crying in front of it either it can't hear your sound...... You know that but still you will cry and shout because that brings an unknown peace to your heart.... Like that my teddy bear also can't see me or hear me and I clearly know that.... but still my heart is reassured by knowing that he is my teddy bear and he will always be there to hear my voice even if he can't hear or see me.....

I'm here , as always admiring my teddy bear from distance.. he is an angel.... ' why is he weird today ?' he is sleeping in his knees by covering it by his long arms..... but.... why is he..... Trembling!!.... ' what happened ? is he feeling cold ? should I go there ? Why is h-' I was bring back to the reality by a shaking sound. I heard a trembling still deep voic- no a cry.....which can make you flinch.... " why ? Why is it always ME? .... what did I do to deserve this kind of hell?? Why life is so cruel to a 14 years old boy?😭😭"

He was shouting. His voice isn't stable it's trembling as a cup without water...... His body, his voice even his heart is trembling inside of him which made my heart broke into pieces......

I saw that the rare diamonds that he has been creating in him by happiness are falling one by one through his dark still shiny eyes..... Those diamonds slide from his burning rosy cheek and find its way to his sharp chin... it fell down in the ground.... I felt some wetness in my cheek and like that I realised I'm crying with him already ...... Actually not only me even the sky can't bear to see him cry which result in a rain...... Sky is crying with a loudshaking voice . ... I'm really worried about him..... ' I want to hug him... I want to go there , near him....I want to caress his back and want to say don't cry I'm there for you but what if he is afraid of me.... what if he think me as a person with a wrong intention...... what if he hate others seeing him cry ...... what I'd do if he hate me and say don't ever come in front of me ' again he start to cry out his heart... he didn't shout this time... but the trembling is still there.... it seems like it won't fade away for some time..... " why do you cheat me ? you say that you will be with me forever ..... and make me happy.... is that a lie ? Why would you break our promise ???....."

"😲 what ?!! is he talking about his **girlfr-....."

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" just a glance...."

"I'm with my uncle and aunty.."

"I'm going to stay by your side no matter what*." 💜✌👌

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