Approved deeds for me #3

Just as I felt something truly belongs to me. I am worthy for someone to spend their whole life with.

My own sister, younger than me, took her away from me. I actually can't consider her being taken away because she never confessed me but we three knew she loved me in the beginning. Still her love for me weakened and built a strong desiring love for her. But my sister didn't accept her.

Although my sister is very obedient, lively, beautiful, young and kind doesn't mean I am worse. It's just all people are getting blind because of her shine, so much that they can't see I am a rising star too. I have my shine too. I will just wait my turn to rise.

I never considered myself as unworthy but I do feel less and less worth when someone praises my little sister. It's not jealousy but a broken hope to get noticed.

Not every story has a life changing turn to bless them with fortunes/lucks. I will work hard for it. I am not like my sister at all. Unlike her, I can get over with any trauma or sad events fast but hardly. And still people blame me for having a stone heart. They never saw how weak and gentle my heart is and the stone heart they are referring to is just a shield. I guess they will never know even if they are in same state like me.

At least my own parents won't give me cold shoulder like everyone. I developed a cheerful, funny and refreshing character but it wasn't the true me. I was getting lonlier and more darker.

I have to apply for scholarship in university next year. I can't let these thoughts sadden me. Accepting, Ignoring and moving on is actually what I have been doing since childhood to overcome and remove problems. Just like the case of my love. I know I am getting away with it but I can't do anything else. I don't have energy to work and solve my problems.

I wish a miracle would shown up and help me with all my current problems. I will digest even if it is ghost, demon, angel or anything/creature. but all are fantasy which replays 24/7 in my mind.

Soon the date scholarship's exam approached. My best friend was helping me with studies and often letting me stay for sleepover whenever I had fights with sister or mom. He was the only one I would call if I was in any danger or problem. The one who works will get the prize. My best friend approached me for weeks just to be my friend. And soon enough we became best friends. He didn't expect any high of me but always encouraged things I wanted to show my best at. Because he knew other's high expection on me only discourages, but I never had to tell him this.

I was having more and more sleepovers with him because of scholar exam. He always welcomed me with a bright smile. Studying late nights and waking late morning was my daily routine with a fresh and my favorite breakfast after I awake.

Another one won the first place of scholar but still I was the second. I was very happy and proud. So, was my best friend. Seeing my little progress seemed to lighten his mood too. My mom was happy as she got the news but not as much as my best friend.

Well, one thing I haven't told him all along this whole time was I am bisexual. Maybe it will create a barrier between us then he might feel uncomfortable towards me.

Putting this aside how would I tell her I have fallen for her? Not some light likings. It's love. Not able to express my feelings made me throw myself to him in bed. His perfectly built and strong body was so seductive. His popularity and rich background made her so popular that at least once or more he had to refuse their proposal.

But when he meets his Ms. Right. I can't do anything about it. Not to mention I don't even know his type. I guess, I will keep hiding my feelings to avoid his rejection.

I was continuosly spacing out and maybe also letting out a sad smile unknowingly which was noticed by him only. He probably thought it was something serious. That's why he dragged me after his class which happened to be my 2nd last. At the back of the school, under a big tree, remote place of school. He began to question me with concern and gentleness in his voice and worried look on his eyes.

Best friend: You don't seem fine. I noticed you were spacing out often these days and aslo sadly smiling. I will guarantee you. I will bring back your smile once you tell me your problem. Even if you don't want to, I will help you overcoming your sorrow without knowing.

How can he be so gentle? I was a stranger for him just 7 months ago. Is his kindness this much easy to get? I was disturbed from my flooding thought when he hugged me.

Best friend: Is it seriously bothering you?

His words carries so much feelings. I thought I should tell him my love for him but how to begin with. How will I tell him I love him without getting cold shoulder? Or should I even tell him? I think yes it's better to let out my feelings than to suppress them.

Me: Uhm.. I don't know where to begin with.

Best friend: ...

Me: It's your gentle care, love, affection, kindness which I had been craving for in my life before you were in it. I think I am being selfish right now but I want it all for myself.

Best friend: Heheh haven't you notice? My care is only for you. My dear best friend!

He didn't understand, did he? Of course not. His innocent and gentle smile is absolutely denying the fact that he even understood a thing. But I guess I can put it aside for some moment. I went for my last class and he went for his home.

On my way back. I was thinking about him only. After I entered in the door. A flying vase hit my head straight. I cursed in pain. I was short tempered. So, yeaah. After not getting my sister's apology for the wound she did. I stormed off from my home and went to his.

I was continuously babbling about how situation is in my home. I completely ignored best friend's presence in the room. When he called my name. I freaked out and cursed under shocked. He chuckled. He had my favorite ice cream and some other but many snacks in his hand.

Best friend: I was going to call you for a little memoriable time.

Me: So... ARE WE GONNA EAT THOSE SNACKS AND ICE CREAM WHILE STARGAZING?!

I love stargazing and so he does.

Best friend: Yes, And if you forget. Tomorrow will be the 8th month of our friendship.

Me: No, I didn't. You count days and months. I will treasure every single moment of us.

He seemed surprise but satisfied took surprised expression in an instant. Did I imagine? Just now a totally unknown expression flashed in his face for less than a second. I couldn't guess what it was.

Under the starry sky, we shared a big blanket.

He said in a serious tone.

Best friend: About what you said befo-

Me: Oh! nothing you don't need to mention it. I mean I didn't mean anything. Does it make sense... Um whatever heheh.

He is not in usual form. His cheerful and joking personality just disappeared(?)

Best friend: Can I take those thing you said earlier as love confession?

Me: Wha-

Not letting me finish my word. He grabbed my both wrist with one hand and placed it on top of my head more like pinning me to wall and suddenly KISSED?!

His tongue exploring mouth, urging to connect with my soul. So, he had the same feelings or what? The kiss was so wild. And when he finsihed kissing me. He left a mark at my neck. He confessed me his true feelings about how he fallen for me the moment he saw me and it went deeper and deeper every moment.

I cried. I can feel his love for me, the sensation of protected and loved. So, this is how it feels.

I sat in his lap. Resting my head in his hard chest. The fear of rejection controlled me for 2 months. Thank god I took the risk and confessed him my feelings even after being the same gender as him. I feel so relaxed, calm, happy for this warmth.

After 6 years**

Don't know how and why but my family is giving me my values. My business got better with his help and also my family approved for our relationship. We are even living in his house. He wasn't gentle at all like what I thought he is. He is jealous, cute, sweet, bottom in front of the world but possessive, loving, determined, caring, beast in bed, top in real.

I finally jumped from my emptiness into his gentle care.***

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