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So, here I'll start telling you guys about how my life leads me to be this way now.

I'm the last child in our family. I got pretty bog fam tho with alot of siblings. So maybe that's why, I felt less loved. Maybe? Or I need more attention more than anyone else?

I used to be a bright child and also I'm doin great in my kindergarten when I was 5 and 6. But, something seems so off when I was 6, June 2006. Yea, Imma millennium kid, born in 00's. Back to the story. When I was 6, I've been warded for some blood problem. At that moment, I felt like all the attention goes to me and I loved it. Everyone cared and worried about me as I was about to die when I'm doin just fine there except for the time for blood exchanged and stuff.

When I got discharged after 16 days, people around me still take a very neat care towards me. And I loved it, I loved the attentions that I got.

When it comes for the dine time, my plate would be diff from others that makes me think that my fam really care about me and love me so much. Isn't?

Yet until I went to primary school. It was the best part of my life, I went to school with nothing serious in mind. I get some new friends, I do learnt but it's just cause I need to, and for some reason I'm a brilliant one when I was in kindergarten haha. It sounds stupid but really I have no worries in school until for the first year I'm in. It's the final exam when I was 7. I told my dad to come along when it was the final ceremony where we got awarded from placing 1 to 5 in each class. I don't even know what number I got and I told my dad to come along cause all of my friends said their parents goin to.

And when the ceremony being held. I'm not even in the hall, I dunno what am I doin at that time. When the ceremony finished and we all allowed to go home. I waited for my dad for soooo long. And the worse thing it, I don't even know that my dad attended that ceremony. Hoping that my name would be called but no. I'm not in!

Around 2 to 3 hours waiting, my sister come picked me up. I'm crying, asking why she was so late? And she said she thought our dad come, and when he's back. He is alone, that's why she come to pick me up. I don't even understand why my dad would be so upset at that time. And I started to blame others instead of myself, why would they do that? It's not something serious tho? Aight?

Until that one time, I sat alone. Looking back for what's happening, why would my dad being so angry? And then I just realised, ofc he is angry. I used to be a bright kid when I was in kindergarten and ofc he will have a high expectations when I'm in primary school isn't? Plus, I old him to come along. It's me myself who told him to come. He must be chatting with his friends about our results and stuff but then. My name are not being said even once. I sucked in my first year.

After that, I started to take lesson seriously, I put efforts in every class. I don't even bother to ask anything if I don't understand. And yea, I'm back.. For the rest 5 years I'm there, in primary school. I got in the top 5 everytime. My name would be there everytime. And also, I participate in every co-curriculum activities. Imma star in volleyball tho. You not gonna believed it haha.

And back then, ofc some problems happened to and I used to bragged about my participation to my aunt next door. And one day again, a misunderstanding happened when my mom went along to support me when I'm doin an English story telling performance. And I did it!!! I placed first. Oof imma such a brilliant kid back then haha.

But when we first went back home. I bragged about the presents I got to my aunt and her child. And when Im home, my dad was upset cause it was my mom who spent time accompany and support me, but I showed it to my aunt first. At that time I don't understand why too, isn't normal to bragged about our winning? It's not a bad thing right?

And then I changed again. Everytime I got any accomplishment. I'll showed it to my mom and dad and fam members first, and then after that I'll tell others.

Started from there, I'll start to have a high expectations to myself as our family also have high hope in me, and I'll keep meeting their expectations.

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