DECISIONS

Jennie's POV:

Napasalampak ako sa toilet seat pagpasok ko ng banyo. Nanghihina ang mga paa ko. Patuloy pa din sa pagbuhos ang mga luha ko.

Lisa's cry is resounding in my head. Gaano ko ba sya nasaktan? How can I face her again? What should I say?

I stood up and face the mirror. I found myself devastated. "I should be happy.. hindi na namin kailangan magtago pa ni Kai. Tama, tama.. Mahal ko sy-.." Damn! Sino ba ang niloloko ko?!

My phone rings. Kai is calling. I wanted to be sure. I need to take his call.

[Baby. . Are you ok?], he sounds worried.

"Yes". I dropped my tone.

[Have you seen the news? Don't worry, I already asked my manager to confirm the rumor.]

"Why!? Nag-usap na tayo kagabi di ba?"

[Kaya nga. I'll confirm it for you, di ba ito yung reason kung bakit ka nakipag-reak kagabi. . natatakot kang malaman nila ang tungkol sa atin.]

"Kai. . "

[Don't worry baby everything will be okay. Sa una lang mahirap kapag nasanay na ang lahat at makita nilang masaya tayo.Matatanggap din nila tayo]

"Pero kasi. . "

[Trust me. inaatay nalang namin ang announcement ng agency mo bago kami maglabas ng statement regarding this. I'll call you later. I love you..]

"I-- " He hung up.

Big Boss is my last resort. Alam kong hindi sya papayag. Tama tama..

*knock knock

"Jennie?? Mag-uumpisa na ang meeting. Labas ka na dyan."

"Sige po, Manager Kim." I fix my hair and let out a big sigh. Then I smiled. A painted smile.

Lumabas na ako ng banyo. Nakita kong nakaupo na silang tatlo sa sala. My heart skipped a beat when my eyes. Lisa, Chaeyoung, Jisoo, and I assumed na akin ang space sa tabi ni Jisoo.

I walked past Lisa. Nakatungo sya kaya hindi ko makita ng maayos ang mukha nya.

Damn this heart.

---

Chaeyoung's POV:

Kumpleto na kaming apat dito sa sala. Ilang minuto na lang ilalabas na ng YGE ang statement nila.

It was a big hit. Simula kaninang umaga hindi na natigil ang notification sa SNS account ko. Maraming positive at negative feedbacks akong nababasa. Pero mas lamang ang negative.

"Lisa. ." I reached her hand and she immediately responded. Inayos nya ang upo nya at sumandal sa balikat ko.

"Chaeyoung. ." she said.

"Ohh?"

"Wag ka munang magdadate a.." Nagkatinginan kami ni Jisoo. alam kung nadinig din nya ang sinabi ni Lisa. "Ikaw din Jisoo'nnie.."

"Bakit naman? " tanong ni Jisoo.

"Hindi ko pa kaya...mag-isa." mahinang sagot ni Lisa.

"Ahhh.." sabay kaming napayakap ni Jisoo kay Lisa. That's our Lisa, the ever possessive pagdating sa amin.

The youngest among us. The strongest in front of the camera but the weakest when curtains fall.

"Okay everyone heto na naglabas na ng statement ang YGE." then Mr.Kim turn on the tv. Umayos naman kami ng upo.

Lisa grabbed my hands. Kinakabahan sya at nararamdaman ko yun.

"We received an official email from YGE about the Jen-Kai issue last night." anunsyo ng MC ng isang morning show.

Pagkatapos noon ay nagflash sa screen ang kopya ng email habang binabasa nya ito.

"YGE along with Kai's agency, we confirm the said issue to the public."

Kasunod nito ang mga tili ng studio audience na dinig na dinig namin sa background.

"Is true and official."

Natigilan kaming lahat. Walang umiimik, walang nagdiwang. Pero kitang kita namin ang pagwawala sa kasiyahan ng mga studio audience.

Bumalik ang kamalayan ko ng maramadaman kong humigpit ang hawak ni Lisa sa kamay ko. She bowed her head and I can hear her weak sobs again. Saka nya marahang pinunas ito. Hindi pa nga sapat ang palad nya, inilapit pa nya ang ang mga mata nya sa balikat ko.

"Chaeyoung." she whispered. She sounds very tired and exhausted physically and emotionally. "It freaking hurts. Normal pa ba to? It's tearing me apart."

Hindi ako kumibo. The plain sight of her, pains me too. I guess it's my hidden desire to protect her and fight away all of her demons the way she helped me fight mine. I just squeeze her hands. Alam na nya yun.

"Lisa." tawag ni Chu at lumipat ito sa tabi ni Lisa. "Andito si Mr. Kim."

It's a warning from Chu and Lisa got the message.

She immediately fixes herself., wipes her tears, fixes her hair, straightens her back, and flashes her big iconic smile.

Nilingon nya si Jennie and she took a deep breath and released it in a big heavy sigh.

"Congratulations Jennie. Best wishes," she said with her lively baby voice. " Please tell Kai too.."

 halos hindi nya mabanggit ang pangalan nito as if a big lump of air is stuck in her throat.

This is how they trained us. To fool ourselves and how to professionally suppress our emotions. Heck, that training.

Nilingon ko si Jennie, pero katulad namin pati sya ay gulat na gulat sa nakita nya. Her eyes were fixed on the screen that is now black. Her mouth is half-open. Parang hindi siya na-inform sa mga nangyayari. Those eyes, her famous cat-like eyes are now blank, emotionless, almost dead.

Hindi ba ito ang gusto mo unnie, ang maging malaya. Bakit parang hindi ka masaya?

Naibulong ko na lang sa sarili ko.

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JENNIE'S POV:

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa mga narinig at nakita ko.

"It is true and official". Paulit-ulit na naririnig ko sa isip ko ang mga salitang iyon.

"Kai and I are now exposed. We no longer need to hide our relationship. Everything is normal now. These are the norms. The must. A girl dating a boy, that's what the freaking society wants! Pwede na kaming lumabas na magkaholding hands, pwede na kaming mag date--" said the other side of my brain.

"Pero bakit hindi ako masaya?"

This is what I wanted. This is the perfect plan to escape the confusion I have in mind. My preferences. The worst is my sexuality.

"Congratulations Jennie. Best wishes," biglang alingawngaw nang boses ni Lisa sa tenga ko. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Hindi ko napaghandaan ang sakit. Hindi ko sa kanya na-ipaalam. Hindi ko na alam. Litong-lito na ako.

" Please tell Kai too.."

Damn him! He's not really letting go.

"Congratulations Unnie," said Chaeyoung.

"Congratulations Jennie," said Jisoo.

I heard them. Pero hindi ko sila kayang harapin. They knew me well. Isang maling kilos ko lang malalaman na nila na naguguluhan na ako.

"Okay girls, Big Boss is on the line. Gusto nya kayong makausap. . " sabay loudspeaker ni Manager Kim sa phone nya.

"Good morning girls, especially to you Jennie. ." kahit nasa linya lang ng telepono damang dama ko ang tension na nais nyang ipaabot.

"Well as you know we said yes about JenKai issue last night kahit na wala kaming kaalam alam na may ganun na pala. . "

"Dahil na din sa pakiusap ng side ni Kai." Tahimik lang kami. No one bothers to intervene. "He was so responsible. He personally . . "

Isang malaking buntong-hininga na lang ang binitawan ko.

" Jennie. ."

"Yes po. . " I tried so hard not to crack my voice, . " nakikinig po ako"

"I am so proud of you. Kai told me na you were about to end your relationship last night for it might affect your group's image. . in the end sila pa rin talaga ang iniisip mo.."

Kai misunderstood me. Hindi yun ang gusto kong iparating sakanya. He got it all wrong.

"But still he insisted na gawing official ang relationship nyo despite the negative feedbacks na naririnig nya. You found a real gentleman. Now. . just promise me one thing. ."

"Ano po yun. . ??"

"Be nice to him and make this relationship work," Is that a command?!

"This will be the first and only relationship the company will confirm. Please review your signed contracts for reference." Those final words are so threatening.

I know the rules so well. I memorized them all. It's just that I run out of ideas.

"Big Boss. . " I froze. My heart knew that voice.

"Ikaw ba yan Lisa?" tanong ni Big Boss

"Tatanggapin ko na po yung international project," direktang pahayag ni Lisa.

She's leaving me now?!?

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Don't forget to hit vote.

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Wordcount: 1301

Published : May 12, 2021

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