I haven't been on this app in years and I've deleted everything. But there's something that's been bothering me and Idk what to do so..
I can't believe you're going. It's always been like this from the moment I met you. You would walk and run ahead and expect me to chase after you. And I would, time after time, never failing. I know I wasn't your best friend but you were mine. That's all that mattered to me. You were always the type of person to treat everyone with the same kindness but only because it benefited you. The truth was, a lot of people pissed you off but you were still respectful and cheery. Those that hated you called you fake but to me it's common human decency, which by the way, they do NOT have. But it also made me think "what if I truly don't mean anything to you and you're just being nice." Our other friends wondered why I was so attached to you. What kept me close is the way that you would rely on me as well, from time to time. Everyone relied on you, but who did you have besides a small few? So for that reason, I stayed close. Even if there was a large chance you were just using me, or if I was just the person you liked the most out of all the fools in our class. I was always so confused because I never knew what you were thinking, what you wanted, you always acted like you were such an open book but you were in a foreign language. Only translating the parts you wanted me to see. Sometimes you were so close yet so far, I never understood. Sometimes, you were vulnerable with me yet you never truly told me anything. You kept me close, pushed me away over and over again. One minute you acted like you would never let me go and the next you looked like you would leave so easily. I never understood, not even once. So now, after three years of getting close to you, you're leaving me in this damned school. I get it, our school is trash and whatever but I can't leave. I get you not wanting to stay but how could you just leave me here? It's funny how it's also my fault. The ONE chance I had to leave, I turned it down because you couldn't leave at the time. You asked me to stay and so I did. I knew you wouldn't do the same but I didn't expect it to actually happen. Wanna hear something else that absolutely destroys me? You're going to the same school as your real best friend. Before she left, we were a trio but you were the only thing holding us apart. So you both tell me over and over to leave knowing I can't. Again, its my fault. I knew I was basically a replacement but I didn't care. Maybe I was the only one who thought of it that way, maybe I was right, or maybe I didn'teven come close to a replacement. I'll never know. Now, I'm just left with such selfish, cruel, thoughts asking, pleading, begging you to stay. But of course, you can't stay where you never truly were. I know you deserve a better place, a batter school it just hurts so much I feel so pathetic. I know, its so stupid of me to hang on to something so dumb when phones exist, I could literally meet up with you. But I just know it'll never be the same and eventually I'll lose my connection with you. It was bound to happen eventually, but it being early is killing me. Anyway, I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm too bipolar as well. I act like you leaving doesn't mean anything but the next moment I feel like I'm going to break down and cry. Anyway, maybe I'm reading into this too much and I'm being such a brat so I'll end it here. Maybe I'm on my monthly?...
Sorry to anyone who actually clicked on this. This was nothing but pathetic ranting and stupid contradictions 😭.
